Premise: Doctor Doom is reduced to the status of Street Magician in the slums of Latveria (Idea thanks to Laura!). The thing is, no matter how good his tricks are, NOBODY BELIEVES THEY'RE REAL! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I entertain myself too easily. If this were to continue we'd see more of his misadventures, but it's one page so here's a short story sans any actual magic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Page One - 7 Panels
1-- A Latverian peasant is cowering beneath a GIANT SPIKEY SPEECH BUBBLE.
SPEECH BUBBLE/DOCTOR DOOM - WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC?!
2-- Doctor Doom is standing on the streets of latveria pointing angrily at said wincing peasant. Doom is in his usual attire, save for the fact he is wearing a magician's hat atop his hood.
SPEECH BUBBLE/LATVERIAN PEASANT - I-It's just that your tricks don't feel real to me, oh great one.
3-- Doom is now looming over the peasant, brandishing his magician's hat in the air.
SPEECH BUBBLE/DOCTOR DOOM - I PULLED A MINDLESS ONE OUT OF MY BLASTED HAT! ONE OF PLOKTA'S, WHO HIMSELF IS ONE OF THE LORDS OF THE MAGICAL REALM KNOWN AS HELL, MYSTICAL DARK CREATIONS! HOW CAN THAT BE A MERE TRICK?!
4-- Another peasant has come over, angrily pressing her finger into Doom's chest, like an angry old lady. In fact, she IS an angry old lady.
SPEECH BUBBLE/ANGRY OLD LADY - Now you see HERE, young man! You aren't our ruler anymore, you're just another peasant on our streets! Now take your criticism or GO HOME.
5-- Doom is now alone on the street, looking lonely. Yeah he's wearing a mask but I dunno put a thundercloud over his head and slump his shoulders, I haven't thought this through.
SPEECH BUBBLE[MEEK]/DOCTOR DOOM - Why did I even go along with this....
6-- Cloudy flashback panel. Doctor doom is trying to shoot Mr. Fantastic with his laser cannon, but Mr. Fantastic has stretched out of the way, with his face stretched right up to Doom's face.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MR. FANTASTIC - Hey Victor! I bet you can't relinquish your kingdom and be a street magician!
SPEECH BUBBLE/DOCTOR DOOM - WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT, RICHARDS!
7-- Bird's-eye view. Doom is screaming towards the sky, as he tends to in any situation.
SPEECH BUBBLE/DOCTOR DOOM - RIIIIIIIIICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!
That flashback is one of the funniest things I've read in ages. I can see the smugness on Reed's face as he says it, ha.
ReplyDeleteI like your use of descriptive speech bubbles, they would help to set the scene immensely.
However, I dig that when I read these it sounds like you're talking to me, but sometimes it feels like you only went over this once, which is kind of cool but also mildly distracting. You can chat to your artist but you can proof it as well...it's not a problem, so don't know why I'm spending such a large paragraph on it. Whatever.
Great work, Max.
my proofing on this was more than lazy, I'll be the first to admit that. future entries have been given more effort in that respect. thanks for the feedback
ReplyDeleteHA! Very funny stuff. I would have loved it more if Reed and Doom starred in a sitcom.
ReplyDeleteDon't think I can add any more that Ryan hasn't covered, although I'm thinking that your chatty way of narrative is perhaps a way for you to cover your insecurities with your writing? Or I could just be making unnecessary accusations.
Either way, I found this highly amusing. Well done Max.
third try at responding here *sigh*
ReplyDeleteYeah, you've hit the nail on the head Ben. The chatty style is very much the result of insecurities related to an anxiety disorder I suffer from. Still, it's a step up from the self-deprecating early work, eh! ahaha
I enjoyed this, Max, despite the rather illogical cartoon nature of the premise. I can't help but think it could have been even more fun if you'd ramped up Doom's egotistical dialogue - he came across a little too much like any other villain in this situation. Doom should always be a step above.
ReplyDeleteWith Ryan about the flashback though. Ha!
No need to be insecure about your writings Max (easy to say, I know). You write some great and funny stuff.
ReplyDeleteMax, I had a blast. I was laughing the whole time. In my opinion, it's your best one yet. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis reads like something out of Marvel Adventures, which I assure you is in fact a compliment. It was hilarious in a wacky superhero comedy sort of way, which is one of the best ways for something to be hilarious. And I'll be frank; Doom screaming "RICHAAAAAAAAAAARDS!" is one of my favourite tropes.
ReplyDeleteJames: I've pretty much learnt through some old 8-page character studies I did a while back (and have never revealed to the world) that most things I write are all-ages comedy pieces, so I'm glad you can see that in it.
ReplyDeleteOne day I'll have to reveal my short story about The Thing being hit by a cliché beam! Then the world will TRULY know my genius