Premise: Sideburns were inspired by Ambrose Everett Burnside's facial hair. Mephisto has bitchin' sideburns. That is all.
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Page One - Eight Panels
1-- Ambrose Burnside, sitting in a dark room, with a circle of candles in front of him. He has a FULL BEARD, scraggly and long.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AMBROSE BURNSIDE - Gloria Satanas, et Belial et Spiritui maloso...*
TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - "Glory Be To Satan And Belial, & To The Evil Spirits" - Don't Practice Satanism, kids! - Max "Mephistopheles" Barnard
2-- Mephisto appears in a puff of smoke before Burnside, in a dressing gown, toothbrush in mouth, small amount of foam dripping from the corner of said mouth. He also has bitchin' sideburns.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MEPHISTO - What do YOU want? It's very late and as you can see, I'm a VERY busy man.
3-- Close-up on Ambrose Burnside's face, looking towards the reader with an ar
ched eyebrow and a quizzical expression on his FULLY BEARDED face.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AMBROSE BURNSIDE - Ah... *Harumph* Yes... I would like to strike a deal with you. I wish to be President of the United Sta-... What ARE those devilishly handsome facial adornments?
4-- Mephisto is stroking his sideburns foppishly.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MEPHISTO - Oh, these old things? I don't have a name for them yet. Hey, I tell you what, you give me your soul, I'll give you political power AND these 'facial adornments'. Whaddaya say, pal? You can even name them after yourself!
5-- Ambrose Burnside is kneeling at Mephisto's feet, begging.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AMBROSE BURNSIDE - I SIMPLY MUST! TAKE MY SOUL, IT IS YOURS! JUST GRANT ME WHAT I NEED!
SPEECH BUBBLE/MEPHISTO - You want it, you got it!
6-- Mephisto has swiped down, removing only the elements of Burnside's facial hair necessary to produce his famed facial stylings. Burnside has a horrified look on his face.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MEPHISTO - YOU JUST MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT YOU GET!
7-- Mephisto is looming over Burnside, who is looking understandably confused over his incomplete sideburns.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AMBROSE BURNSIDE - This isn't right! I wanted what you had!
SPEECH BUBBLE/MEPHISTO - Now now, there are limits to my powers. You may only have that facial hair, for eternity. Also you're only the Governor of Rhode Island. Thanks for the soul though!
8-- Mephisto disappears in a plume of smoke, whilst Ambrose Burnside is still kneeling, shoulders slumped on the floor.
SFX - FWOOSHHHH
SPEECH BUBBLE/AMBROSE BURNSIDE - What have I done? What... Have I GIVEN UP?
TEXT BOX/AFTERWORD - Sideburns still became popular thanks to Burnside, eventually adapting to Mephisto's style. But what Ambrose had to give up to release this trend into the world was something far beyond what any human should lose: his ETERNAL SOUL!
TEXT BOX - Fin.
That... was... quite odd... but darn enjoyable, well done Max!
ReplyDeleteThis may be my favorite script, not only on this site, but quite possibly of ALL TIME.
ReplyDeleteDamn, you are one individual duck; shine on you crazy diamond.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as a man who sported some massive mutton throughout most of my uni years, this is damn good. Very well done, Max, you really give each character a new spin and I'm digging that. Digging it like a hole.
Does Mephisto clean his own teeth? Doesn't he have some tortured lackey to do it for him? I'd hate to meet Mephisto's dentist.
ReplyDeleteNice work, Max. That image alone will stay with me.
Great work Max. I love the surly-ness of Mephisto in this script.
ReplyDelete