1. Establishing shot: we're looking at a dilapidated apartment block; a den of drugs and junkies, walls tainted with various gang tags.
SFX
Blam!
Blam!
CAPTION
Michael came to me with a problem.
2. Inside an apartment. It's a desolate abode, and like its exterior, shows signs of usage by none-too pleasant individuals. FRANK CASTLE - THE PUNISHER - is standing over the body of the man he has just executed; Michael Canter, a seventy-something year old fellow clad in a tweed jacket. The 9mm in Castle's hand is still smoking from the two shots.
CAPTION
I found a solution.
3. On Castle; emotionless.
CAPTION
Job done.
4. Castle's got one foot out the door, about to depart the scene of the crime.
MICHAEL CANTER
(off-panel)
I told you, Frank - -
5. On Castle; he's turned around, eyes wide. We don't know what he's looking at - - but it takes a lot to ruffle The Punisher.
MICHAEL CANTER
(off-panel)
- - I told you - -
- - the gun won't work - -
6. Now we see what Frank's looking at; Michael Canter is standing, the two gunshot wounds to his chest seemingly causing him no discomfort. And he's smiling - an evil, chilling smile that doesn't belong on this old man's face. Standing behind him - faded, semi-invisible, replicating Canter's smile - is MEPHISTO.
MICHAEL CANTER
He's not done with me, Frank.
It's only just begun.
Deal Breaker would take the form of a one-shot, focusing on this old bloke, Michael Canter, dealing with the consequences of a deal he made with Mephisto thirty years ago. In this page, Canter's come to Frank Castle for help after realizing the time has come to make good on his deal with the demon - - and he doesn't want to be a part of Mephisto's plans. He's already tried to kill himself – and he failed – so he's come to Frank, whose got quite an aptitude for it. The way I've plotted it in my little notebook, the key question that drives the story forward is: what deal did Canter make with Mephisto? And why's Mephisto even bothering with this guy, a nobody, a pensioner whose probably got a couple years left, max. Mephisto's taken on Thor, the X-Men - - where's old Mikey fit into the demon's plans?
Nice, getting some noir out into the character. I dig this premise, and thought Mephisto doesn't appear until the last panel this script in absolutely dripping in his sort of bullshit.
ReplyDeleteI am really curious to see what deal Canter made with the big M. Funny...Canter reminds me of Canterbury, like Chaucer, which seems to fit with Mephisto, for sure.
I also like the pacing of the page. It's not cluttered at all. It's simple, shot lines that punch where they have to. Well in, mate.
Cheers Ryan, I won't lie, I *really* struggled to come up with a script focused purely on Mephisto - the few drafts I wrote felt cliched, so in the end went for 'Deal Breaker.' Would rather folks comment on the lack of Mephisto than a shoddy, unoriginal script!
ReplyDeleteGreat script, Simon. I'd totally buy that one-shot after reading the first page. The Punisher is so screwed.
ReplyDeleteJust out of curiousity: is the Punisher a factor during the entire lenght of the story, or is he taken out of the picture early?
Thanks, Ivan.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking the Punisher would have a presence throughout the story, but wouldn't be the protagonist.
Interesting, Simon, because the big question I found myself asking was - "what does Mephisto want with Frank Castle?" There's definitely a story in that as well.
ReplyDeleteI like it Simon. Again, I'm intruiged to see where the story would end up.
ReplyDeleteWith all the people he has killed, would Mephisto already have Frank's soul in the bag?