The layout of this page would be six panels. The top of the page would have three vertical panels, below that would be two square panels, and the final panel would be a horizontal panel across the bottom of the page. It would need to be drawn in almost a classic 70s style to get the feel I'm going for.
Panel 1:
We see Mephisto, in all of his glory, sitting upon a throne surrounded by scantily-clad women, some of which are feeding him grapes and fanning him. All around debauchery basically.
Text Box: I can give you all that you desire...
Panel 2:
Mephisto standing on a cliff overlooking a vast and prosperous nation. His arms are outstretched to the city immediately below, and two of the girls from the previous panel are there with him, although much more properly dressed this time in robes and such.
Text Box: All this and more can be yours...
Panel 3:
The women are draping strings of precious gems upon Mephisto, and one is placing a crown inset with gems upon his head.
Text Box: Wealth, power, women...all of your pathetic heart's desires...
Panel 4:
Close-up on Mephisto's face.
Mephisto: "...if only you submit yourself and everything you believe in...to me."
Mephisto: Useless, human desires! Mephisto has no use for such things! I desire only souls!
Panel 5:
We see Mephisto from behind, but something is different. He is standing in what looks to be a meeting room. He is not the haughty, proud Mephisto we know. He stands slumped, and his head is hung in what appears to be shame.
Mephisto: This is why I...begrudgingly come to you. You're known for making the impossible happen.
Panel 6:
We see the (classic) Avengers standing on the other side of the room. They all have shocked expressions on their faces, the most shocked of them belonging to Steve Rogers. Mephisto has taken a knee in front of Captain America and almost has a pleading look on his face.
Mephisto: Make them stop! They won't leave me be! I need your help, Avengers!
man, I don't even know. This is just.... SO brilliant. the premise and where it could go boggle the mind.
ReplyDeleteThe only flaw is that you strictly defined the panel layouts. often it's good to let the artist see what works. Saying that though there are plenty of writers who employ this technique and it works fine, and it'd be hypocritical of me to berate it when I thumbed my Molecule Man page out.
So basically with that in mind AMAZING job
Yeah, I had this image in my mind and I wanted to preserve it. Maybe it should have been a suggestion as to how I wanted the panels instead. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteyou have to make a short story out of this. 8-22 pages? which classic avengers are we talking about here? Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Ant-man & the wasp? Vision!? (I've always liked the West Coast Avengers)
ReplyDeleteBut I think it's unfair to have one page. This is comics, so you need to have some thing that moves. On the other hand--this is a site devoted to writing, and writing a single page like this works well.
My recommendation would be to make it seem like the Avengers were evoking Mephisto into a Triangle. Steve has the only Pentacle in the room(i.e.the Shield)--which would make Cap the only guy Mephisto could trust in that situation. Draw this thing out for 4 pages and think about what THAT would be like. Thor is the only God in the room, but Mephisto is like, "Nope, the dude with the round five-pointed star on his arm scares me less, trumps you all, and has my trust." In this scenario, Mephisto would be like the wild mustang that just got tamed. Is he going to be an Avenger? Man, there are so many stories in the idea of Mephisto using the powers of Hell as a force towards equilibrium.
There's a Medieval Jewish story about how this poor man wants to get medicine for his dying wife. To make a long story short, he tries to get it on his own through the proper authorities until he finally gets the idea to pray to God about it. God FedEx's the Poor man 10 thieves to steal all the medicine he needs. Upon delivering the medicine, the man thanks them and they reply with, "Thank you for letting us use our God-given gifts for a worthy cause."
I thought of this story while reading this script. So, when I say, "you need to write a short story outta this," You should think about it.
Thank you, Mr. Lange! Those are spectacular ideas. And yes, as the story went on, I would have Mephisto be an Avenger, at least temporarily. And yes, Vision (and Scarlet Witch) would be there as well.
ReplyDeleteI honestly didn't even consider the pentacle, but you're right there. Mephisto wouldn't even give Thor the time of day as long as Cap is in the room. Not to mention he is way out of his element. He's used to being the big dog, but he knows who is acknowledged as big dog amongst these players, so that is who he appeals to.
I have a lot of ideas for this one. I may very well write something up.
A very cool start to a story. Great high concept pitch, Mephisto needs the Avengers. How and why are the questions to answer.
ReplyDelete@DA Lange - yeah, we'd probably all like to write more on our story ideas but then the site would become massive and the writing demands on us all would be greatly enhanced. We hope you appreciate the snippets that we are able to provide each week, though.
This is certainly a monster hook, Brandon, and I'd love to see where it was going.
ReplyDeleteLove it Brandon, one of the highlights of the week.
ReplyDeleteI'm skipping this one again, work and new priorities have been killer.
Nice pitch Brandon. Could I ask, is this all just an eloborate scheme for Mephisto to get some souls? Fits in well with the character, if so.
ReplyDelete@benjum - That's what the Avengers have to find out, but it really isn't. I wanted to have something so nasty that Mephisto couldn't deal with it alone, so nasty that he would go to the heroes of the world he sees as beneath him for assistance.
ReplyDelete