1. Mary Jane getting ready to head out on the town. Wearing an expensive flashy black dress, there is a knock at the door as Mary Jane is putting on her ear rings. She rises to answer it.
2. The panel is of the open door. We see the edging of the door frame, as well as the back of Mary Jane as she looks through the open door. Standing in the doorway is Mephisto. His hair is slicked back, holding a box of chocolates in one hand, wilted flowers in the other. Behind him is the long hallway of the apartment building in which Mary Jane lives. There is a shadowed figure walking up the hall in the distance.
MEPHISTO
Hellooooooooooooooooo Mary Jane.
MJ
Mephisto?
MEPHISTO
I was just in the neighbourhood, and thought I would swing by and see if you were up for going out and painting the town ‘red’.
MJ
Ah, thanks for the offer Mephisto, but I already have a date for tonight.
3. Same framing as before in this panel, however poking his head from the left hand side of the door frame is Peter Parker. Mephisto’s mouth is open in shock, his shoulders slumped slightly forward and the flowers drooping a little lower.
PETER
Hey MJ!
MEPHISTO
What?! Him? No, you two broke up! I broke you up!
4. Same framing as the panel before, however Peter has stepped into the door frame so that he and Mephisto are standing side by side. It is here we can see that Peter too holds a box of chocolates and a small bunch of flowers, obviously picked from the roadside. Peter is looking at Mephisto with a puzzled look on his face. Mephisto’s flowers are now ablaze.
PETER
What are you talking about J.J?
MEPHISTO
No Peter I am not J. Jonah Jameson. I am Mephisto, The King of Darkness.
PETER
...
MEPHISTO
The Prince of Lies?
PETER
...
MEPHISTO
Collector of Souls?
5. A wider framing of the previous panel. MJ can now be fully seen in the panel, with Peter still looking at Mephisto confused.
MJ
I thought you collected marriages now?
MEPHISTO
Pft, yeah right. I only use that one when I want to have a crack at someone’s wife. So far you two are the only ones to have bought it.
PETER
Listen Mister, I don’t know why you’re collecting shoes but I’m here to take MJ out on a date!
6. Same panel, but Mephisto is looking at Peter. There is another shadowed figure in the distant hall. Mephisto’s flowers are again wilted, with a slight tinge of smoke coming from them.
MEPHISTO
Shouldn’t you be at home making out with your Aunt or something?
MJ
Sorry tiger, but as I said I already have a date for tonight.
PETER
Who?
7. Again, the same panel. However towering behind Mephisto and Peter is the slick looking Norman Osborn. He is wearing his token green suit and white shirt (purple tie optional), holding a massive and impressive bouquet of roses. Peter is glancing up sideways at Norman with a look of shock and disgust. Mephisto’s flowers are in full bloom.
NORMAN
Mary Jane. Parker. Mephisto.
MEPHISTO
Hey Norm.
PETER
What? HIM! You’re going on a date with the devil himself?
MEPHISTO
You really need to start wearing your glasses again.
NORMAN
Now, now Peter. All of my sins are in the past. Mary Jane, shall we?
8. We are looking from the doorway, but this time Peter and Mephisto, who are still standing side by side, have their backs to us. Between the two we can see the distant figures of MJ and Norman walking away, arms linked. It looks as if MJ is laughing in her airheaded way at something Norman has just said.
PETER
So what do we do now JJ?
MEPHISTO
God I hate you Peter.
In the bottom right hand corner of the panel one of Mephisto’s flowers has a face on it, and is winking at the reader. Underneath it says “The End”.
This is a cool way to take the character. This looks like a very packed page though, lots of panels and some of them with lots of dialogue. You also need to slot a few commas into certain places, but I guess that's just nit-picking.
ReplyDeleteWhat I should say is, this made me laugh. This took a nasty character, and possibly an even worse storyline, and it made me smile and laugh. That's pretty well done, though I don't know why MJ would want to go on a date with ol' white corn row head. But, hey, I never did understand women anyway.
@ Ryan - Oh, I don't know, maybe because HE HAS THE BEST HAIR IN COMICS?
ReplyDelete@ Ben - had some good laughs, man. From early on I can tell we're probably gonna have a lot of diversity from the featured writers.
Well done, Ben - I love the humorous take. Possibly tough to fit everything on the one page - - then again, I just re-read Johns' and Perez's Legion of 3 Worlds, so I'm not sure that's true!
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff!
I laughed too. Actually, I could see all kinds of possibilities from the way this story opened - almost made we wish it was one of those "now write your own ending" pieces because I'd have had fun with that.
ReplyDeleteAnd MJ always did have a taste for Gwen's sloppy seconds.
this is messed up in just the right way. completely destroyed me to read something so peculiar, but every beat on the page hit the mark.
ReplyDeleteEspecially fitting the words "sins" and "past" into a sentence from Norman. that just.... evil evil brilliant work
@Max - Glad you got that one. That was the line that sparked the whole script.
ReplyDeleteI agree that I have problems with my length. As for the next character, there will be a great reduction in words. Promise.
Witty and original. I love the whole "incompetent villain" genre and this plays out well.
ReplyDelete