The Penguin - Are Penguins Furry? - Max Barnard

The Premise: You wanted confidence? I'm giving you confidence in the SCARIEST WAY, as I exploit those most terrifying of internet people, furries and otherkin. Not because I hate them (though my opinion of these people is more than a little bit in the disgust category), but because this story just came to me on Monday morning, as I contemplated whether I could use some free time on my week off of writing to.. write. So here's a story about Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, finally finding that place he TRULY belongs.


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Page 1 - X Panels

1-- A close-up of Penguins face from the nose up. His brow is furrowed, in a way that could potentially be read as angry, to build up the expectations of the reader.

TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - No, no, this isn't right at all...


2-- We move back to see Oswald at a computer in a dark room, frantically typing away with a cigarette in his mouth and his top hat falling off of his head. He isn't wearing ANYTHING else, so make sure he's as disgusting, wide, riddled with cellulite and wrinkly as possible. Oh and sweaty, I'm sure someone out there will hate us for that, so have rivulets of thick sweat running down his hideous rotund form. We want to be giving people nightmares with this image!

SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - BIGGER! It needs to be BIGGER!


3-- We're now looking over the Penguin's shoulder at his computer. On the screen is a character creation screen for a game called FURQUEST (drop this in at the top of the screen. In fact if you're looking for a frame of reference for the screen itself, try looking at character creation screens from such games as World of Warcraft. It's the kind of shut-in vibe I'm going for here). The character pictured on screen is a horrific sight: a giant anthropomorphised Penguin-man/woman with ridiculous muscles, to the extent that its flippers look like bulging, Liefeldian biceps. It's wearing a tank-top to cover it's hideously oversized breasts, which are almost as big as the rest of the character. Between the monstrosity's legs is a MASSIVE BLACK CENSORSHIP BAR, with CENSORED in big white letters running along it. I don't think you need to know what this implies, but rest assured that by the standards of the community I'm light-heartedly mocking it's tame.

SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - HUAGH! It is complete!


4-- I'm sure you're beginning to feel sick at this point, so be glad this is the final panel. We're now only viewing the screen, which is displaying the aforementioned fur-futa-penguin... THING standing in a crowd of similar creatures, namely Foxes, Cat-people and some sort of reptile. Try to have one of them giving an incredibly uncomfortable arse shot facing the reader. In the bottom left corner is a chat box, containing such generic sentiments as "a/s/l", "lololololol" and "roflcopter".

SFX/ABOVE CROWD OF PLAYER CHARACTERS - YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF

TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - I've finally found a place I truly belong, where no-one will think I'm disgusting!* HUAGH!

TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - *Urp! I feel sickened by the irony!

TEXT BOX - Fin


[Man, I feel filthy writing that, but I wanted to see how far I could push the envelope on uncomfortable scripts. Hopefully you all laughed on some small scale, or at least scarred you for life. Because that's a sort of comedy. And this TOTALLY isn't existing just because it's the only idea I could think of for the character. Not at all!]