The Premise: The Punisher went blood simple, taking out anything he saw in a deluded rage brought on from his years of endless assault against criminals. Marian, a pure-hearted New York rookie cop, has encountered the now distraught Frank Castle in an abandoned warehouse.
----------------------------------------------------
Page One - 6 Panels
1-- An exterior view of a dishevelled warehouse on an anonymous street at night, with boarded-up windows and a half-destroyed sign that we only know ends in "ORP". Other than this sight all we can see is a lamppost, illuminating the panel, and a police car parked near the entrance to the warehouse.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - When I got the call I couldn't believe it.
2-- We're now inside the darkened warehouse. Through a single beam of light coming through the window we can see Marian, a young, neat and prim police officer, who at best can only be described as looking average, standing alone and strong. There is literally nothing else you can see other than that and the window responsible for the aforementioned beam of light.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - Frank Castle is turning himself in. But only if it's me (and ONLY me) who comes to collect him.
3-- Marian whirls round, drawing a stun gun from a holster on her waist (motion lines galore?), aiming it at Frank Castle, who is sitting on the floor next to a small lamp, which is just about illuminating his form, and a pistol.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - FREEZE!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - ->hhh<-
SFX/LAMP - klik!
4-- Nothing in the scene has changed, save Marian's hands shaking some small amount.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - You're late, officer.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - GET UP! Y-You're under arrest!
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - Somehow I didn't even consider...
5-- Frank has his hand on the pistol on the floor, and is beginning to lift himself up off the ground.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - GET YOUR HAND OFF THE GUN! MOVE IT! I-I'M WARNING YOU, CASTLE!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - You're a good cop. The least corrupt I could find. Heck, you're practically a saint...
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - W-what?!
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - That when it comes to dealing with Frank Castle...
6-- The Punisher is now standing up, brandishing the gun handle first at Marian, who is so surprised that her stun gun has fallen out of her hands. A small detail is that we can see some small tear streaks dried on Castle's face.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - I've gone too far. I've killed innocents. So now I need you, an innocent, decent police officer, to finish me. Put a bullet in my brain, Officer.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - You never know what's going to happen.
[Bonus note: The rest of this storyline would be a locked room debate with Marian wrestling with the request she's just been given, something that could even have the effect of turning her herself into a new Punisher. With that potential ending to the story I suppose you could consider this a first page of a #1, a new Punisher series giving us a new Punisher with a different angle. Which I, at least, think would be bloody captivating!]
Max, this is exceptionally well done. A solid premise and I love the idea of a locked room debate after this. She can discuss previous things she's done, he can juztapose with his nasty stuff...I like it a lot.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very different Max on this page, and I like it. I still want dick and fart joke Max loitering around but this one, man, you've dominated it.
That was awesome, Max. Really, really good. I'd buy that comic in a heartbeat after reading this first page.
ReplyDeleteGreat great stuff here Max. I'd rate this one as the best you have produced thus far. Would love to see more of this kind of scripts from you as well! (although a nice dash of the comedic ones is also needed).
ReplyDeleteWell done my man.
Yeah, that would make for a good start to a series... or at least a decent story arc : )
ReplyDeleteI was impressed too, Max. In fact, I thought I'd already commented - but blogger appears to have eaten my effusive praise. Just imagine me saying lots of nice things then nerdily pointing out a typo in Frank's dialogue (panel 6) and you've got my original comment in one.
ReplyDeletetypo corrected! Thanks Rol!
ReplyDeleteIn fact, thanks everyone for receiving my attempt at a serious page as well as you have. It's probably the most comfortable I've felt with my own work, so I might alternate between these and my typical funny pages as time goes on
I really liked it!!!! Super title that suits the page!!!
ReplyDeleteI would def buy this!!!!