Spidey is battling Sandman on a beach. He leaps over him and kicks him right in the face, smashing sand everywhere.
SPIDEY: HEY, MARKO, I JUST KICKED FACE IN YOUR SAND!
CAP (Spidey): With great power comes great responsibility, that’s the lesson I learned from my Uncle Ben…
Aunt May is waiting in her kitchen with her husband Jay and a big home-cooked meal… staring out the window, wondering when her nephew will arrive.
AUNT MAY: WHERE IS THAT BOY NOW?
Spidey is battling the Kingpin. Kingpin has an enormous hand round Spidey’s throat and is pummelling him into the wall.
SPIDEY: OH, AND BY THE WAY - YES, WILSON, YOUR BUTT DOES LOOK BIG IN THAT!
CAP (Spidey): The one thing Uncle Ben never did tell me though…
At Peter Parker’s apartment, his flatmate Michelle Gonzalez is up a ladder painting the ceiling. She’s in a bad mood because she’s having to do it by herself.
MICHELLE: ANOTHER BROKEN PROMISE, PETE – YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS…
Spidey is battling Doc Ock, wrapped up in his tentacles.
SPIDEY: THAT'S IT, OCKY, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU FOR A BIG MANLY HUG!
CAP (Spidey): …was how to choose between all my different responsibilities.
J Jonah Jameson sits behind his mayor’s desk, looking furious. It doesn’t really matter what he’s screaming about – he’s JJJ, that’s just what he does.
Spidey swings up in Mysterio’s face, pointing right into his goldfish bowl head.
SPIDEY: OOH, WAIT, MYSTERIO - NEW JOB OPP – GALACTUS NEEDS A ROLL-ON DEODORANT! YOU'RE A SURE THING!
CAP (Spidey): So – who am I gonna have to let down today? Aunt May, Michelle, Jonah…
A comedy writer sits in his office, surrounded by stacks of scripts, notepads, reference books, a computer, toys, and all the usual writer’s junk. He’s scribbling a new idea in his notebook. Behind him on the wall are a number of photos of the writer with famous comedians or TV hosts – Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman, Larry David, Bill Cosby, Woody Allen… plus one with the writer and Spidey together. Scattered on the floor all around him are screwed up balls of paper - rejected joke ideas.
CAP (Spidey): …or that guy I hired to write me some fresh material…
WRITER: “ELECT…RO?” WHO’S THIS ‘RO’ GUY AND WHY WOULD I WANT HIM RUNNING MY COUNTRY…?
WRITER: NO, THAT’S TERRIBLE. HOW ABOUT… HEY, LIZARD, YOUR MOMMA EATS FLIES!
WRITER: PAGING NORMAN OSBORN – THE CORNFIELDS OF IOWA WANT THEIR HAIRCUT BACK...
Haha, you won me over with Spidey's first line, Rol. And great twist at the end. Fantastic script!ReplyDelete
That Mysterio joke is easily my favourite, good work. This page works really well and is a completely done in one conceit that plays great. Nice work.ReplyDelete
I just wish you'd given JJJ more lines, I know with your day job you could have given some excellent workplace dirge.
Ahh, the eternal struggle of the hero and their one-liners. Love it.ReplyDelete
... though I don't get the Iowa gag...
Great stuff, Rol!ReplyDelete
Ryan - maybe I'm saving that up for when I suggest JJJ as a future Thoughtballoons character! ;-)
Danial - it's been suggested that Norman's distinctive hairstyle is a variety of corn rows (though traditionally corn rows go vertically across the head, not horizontally).
Cool, interesting how everything seems to be going down the comedic line on this. However, I'm enjoying the variations on this theme. Good stuff.ReplyDelete
Rol, those one-line-ers were GREAT! Really captured Spidey there. Many people forget that one of Spidey's traits are his off-the-cuff insults to villains in battle (not saying it doesn’t happen, just that it doesn’t happen enough - the movies for example) Well done!ReplyDelete
I have to admit though - Spidey hiring a writer? That tore my heart out.
Well, even the greatest comedians reach a stage where they look to freshen up their act with new material - often from external contributors. And after almost fifty years of making wisecracks to the same bunch of badguys, Spidey's exhausted a lot of punchlines.ReplyDelete
If I had one complaint with Raimi's Spidey flicks it'd be that Spidey didn't wisecrack enough. It's an essential part of his character and helps separate him from many other costumed cut-ups.
@Rol - couldn;t agree with you more about Spider-Man 1 and 2 (2 was, in my opinion, an almost perfect Spidey film).ReplyDelete
Don't get me started on 3...Could have been written so much better...
According to Imdb, Spiderman 3 was originally going to be 2 films but then Sony decided they wanted a trilogy.ReplyDelete
What makes this even dumber is that Sony are contracted to 6 Spiderman films!