Spidey is battling Sandman on a beach. He leaps over him and kicks him right in the face, smashing sand everywhere.
SPIDEY: HEY, MARKO, I JUST KICKED FACE IN YOUR SAND!
CAP (Spidey): With great power comes great responsibility, that’s the lesson I learned from my Uncle Ben…
Aunt May is waiting in her kitchen with her husband Jay and a big home-cooked meal… staring out the window, wondering when her nephew will arrive.
AUNT MAY: WHERE IS THAT BOY NOW?
Spidey is battling the Kingpin. Kingpin has an enormous hand round Spidey’s throat and is pummelling him into the wall.
SPIDEY: OH, AND BY THE WAY - YES, WILSON, YOUR BUTT DOES LOOK BIG IN THAT!
CAP (Spidey): The one thing Uncle Ben never did tell me though…
At Peter Parker’s apartment, his flatmate Michelle Gonzalez is up a ladder painting the ceiling. She’s in a bad mood because she’s having to do it by herself.
MICHELLE: ANOTHER BROKEN PROMISE, PETE – YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS…
Spidey is battling Doc Ock, wrapped up in his tentacles.
SPIDEY: THAT'S IT, OCKY, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU FOR A BIG MANLY HUG!
CAP (Spidey): …was how to choose between all my different responsibilities.
J Jonah Jameson sits behind his mayor’s desk, looking furious. It doesn’t really matter what he’s screaming about – he’s JJJ, that’s just what he does.
Spidey swings up in Mysterio’s face, pointing right into his goldfish bowl head.
SPIDEY: OOH, WAIT, MYSTERIO - NEW JOB OPP – GALACTUS NEEDS A ROLL-ON DEODORANT! YOU'RE A SURE THING!
CAP (Spidey): So – who am I gonna have to let down today? Aunt May, Michelle, Jonah…
A comedy writer sits in his office, surrounded by stacks of scripts, notepads, reference books, a computer, toys, and all the usual writer’s junk. He’s scribbling a new idea in his notebook. Behind him on the wall are a number of photos of the writer with famous comedians or TV hosts – Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman, Larry David, Bill Cosby, Woody Allen… plus one with the writer and Spidey together. Scattered on the floor all around him are screwed up balls of paper - rejected joke ideas.
CAP (Spidey): …or that guy I hired to write me some fresh material…
WRITER: “ELECT…RO?” WHO’S THIS ‘RO’ GUY AND WHY WOULD I WANT HIM RUNNING MY COUNTRY…?
WRITER: NO, THAT’S TERRIBLE. HOW ABOUT… HEY, LIZARD, YOUR MOMMA EATS FLIES!
WRITER: PAGING NORMAN OSBORN – THE CORNFIELDS OF IOWA WANT THEIR HAIRCUT BACK...