The Premise: Gamora is the world's deadliest woman. She has been known to train people when it has been called for. She also uses a sword.
... Faiza Hussain is a recent and inexperienced hero who also uses a sword. THE sword. Excalibur.
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Page 1 - X Panels
1-- Excalibur and Gamora's sword clash violently against a background composed entirely of stars. Gamora's sword is overpowering Excalibur, taking up more of the panel.
SFX - KLANGGGG!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - Hey! Take it easy on me, why don't you!
2-- We can now see both Gamora and Faiza fighting, in a training room on the S.W.O.R.D. satellite. The room itself is sparse, containing nothing but our two combatants. The edge of the room is a large window looking out into space. We can now also kinda-sorta see some of Earth in the background, but it shouldn't be TOO noticeable, else it distract from the scene itself. Gamora has swung at Faiza, who has JUST dodged out of the way. Gamora's sword has collided with the floor, taking with it a scrap of Faiza's outfit
SPEECH BUBBLE/GAMORA - Oh quit your d'ast whining, girl! I was hired to teach you how to use that chunk of metal and you're gonna bloody well fight back properly!
SFX - Fwump!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - Eek!
3-- Faiza is yelling off the panel to Gamora, holding up Excalibur to protect herself.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - Look here! I know you're some sort of ruddy "Deadliest Woman" deal, but there's such a thing as using the carrot instead of the stick you cow! So teach me, instead of trying to knock my block off!
4-- Close-up on Gamora, who is looking sad and ever so slightly downtrodden.
5-- Faiza, in same shot as panel 3, but now looking a bit distraught, hand up to her mouth in shock at how much she just flipped her lid.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - Oh goodness! I'm so sorry, I know you're just trying to he--
6-- This panel should probably overlap with the previous, so that the panel itself cuts off Faiza's speech bubble. Gamora has leapt at Faiza with a sword strike, which Faiza appears to have only JUST managed to block.
SFX - KER-KLANG-A-LANG!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - Gah! What in the world are you doing?!
SPEECH BUBBLE/GAMORA - Be prepared! Any enemy could try and manipulate you emotionally, and THAT is when they strike!
7-- Gamora is standing in an defensive stance, sword in both hands, gritting her teeth.
SPEECH BUBBLE/GAMORA - You think I get offended when people don't understand where I'm coming from? I trained She-Hulk for %$#&'s sake! You have to have a pretty thick skin for that! I'm the deadliest woman for a reason, Hussain. It's because I'm the toughest d'ast bitch out there, and I'm damn good at what I do. Now stop dithering about and HIT ME!
8-- Faiza is smiling, and has lifted Excalibur, ready to strike.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FAIZA HUSSAIN - She-Hulk? Come on, I'm SO much better than her, the insane witch. Let's go!
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - So Faiza had learnt the most crucial lesson: that Gamora is pretty much bad-ass. The end.*
TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - *Wait, what? When did she learn that! Are we just out of space?** - Moaning Max
TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - **Yes, quit whining. - Still Max
Pretty clever idea Max! I liked the premise a lot.
ReplyDeleteMax, this is a very fine script. I wonder what these two do in their down time on the Peak? Could make for an interesting little story.
ReplyDeleteAlso dig that you had to be yourself at the end. Seems like there's not Max the writer and Max the editor and they're be scrapping and fighting to share page time, ha. You've become your own character, congratulations.
Gamora trained She-Hulk? Presumably the new She-Hulk, not Jen Walters. I get confused.
ReplyDeleteI liked this, Max - not sure you needed all the stuff at the end, it worked well enough by itself. Got stuck on 'ruddy' though, that's one of those words US writers use when scripting British characters isn't it? Or maybe it's just a North / South thing.
@Rol Ruddy is actually a pretty commonly used word around here (south-east). it's a cliche thing but clichés are clichés for a reason. And seeing as Faiza's family are from Essex (one county over from me) it made sense.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, Gamora trained Jen Walters, it was kinda a significant thing.
But yeah I'm not sure I needed the editor's boxes, but they seemed a fun idea at the time.
Ah - I was right. Bloody southerners! ;-)
ReplyDeleteDoesn't "ruddy" mean "reddish"?
ReplyDeleteHey Max, great work. You really made Gamora feel like an experienced vetran, and Faiza a new kid. In fact, the way Faiza spoke reminded me a lot of a young Kitty Pryde being trained by Wolverine. The bater between the two was excellent.
ReplyDeleteWell done!