Gamora stands on a high school playing field amid the eviscerated corpses of an entire football team. Blood is dripping from her dagger and there’s a wicked smile on her lips. Above her, a spaceship casts a light on the pitch – as though she’s just beamed down for the slaughter.
An archetypal high school nerd (Jimmy) steps towards her holding a wilted bouquet of flowers.
CAPTION (JIMMY): It was love at first sight.
JIMMY: That was fanTAStic. You’re, like, the girl I’ve been waiting for all my life, dude…
In the high school cafeteria. Jimmy is eating an unappetising school dinner while two snotty ‘mean girl’ types look on, sneering at him and his new girlfriend. Gamora, sitting across the table from Jimmy, has just shot two donut-hole sized holes through the girls’ foreheads while they’re still in mid-bitch.
GIRL A: Look at Jimmy with his new ho’ – they think they’re too cool for sch--
GIRL B: Yeah - what a bee-yotc--
SFX: Zoop! Zoop!
CAPTION: I’d never met anyone like Gamora before. She was just so wild, so exciting… so dangerous.
At the school dance, Jimmy and Gamora are slow-dancing while Jimmy’s classmates stand around looking jealous, awestruck, frightened and disdainful. (Different expressions for different people!) Jimmy has one hand in the small of Gamora’s back, the other is going up for second base. Gamora is smiling wickedly again.
CAPTION: We were the envy of everyone.
CAPTION: Of course, I knew it couldn’t last.
Jimmy’s bedroom. Typical teenage geek’s room – metal posters on the walls, comics and clothes scattered on the floor, a gaming console in the corner. On the bed, Jimmy and Gamora are getting it on. Jimmy’s down to his boxers, Gamora’s in her skimpiest metallic underwear. They’re both dripping in sweat. Gamora’s on top, obviously. She’s just ripped Jimmy’s still beating heart out of his chest and is arching her back as she holds her prize before her. The heart is glowing like a jewel. She's satisfied - her mission is complete.
CAPTION: Turns out I’d been alien-abducted as a baby and the bug-eyed bastards had stashed some kooky ultimate nullifier space-doohickey in my left ventricle which could only be activated if my heart rate reached a peak of 221 bpm… or something.
CAPTION: Dude, like there are worse ways to go.