Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Gamora - Worse Ways To Go - Rol Hirst

Panel One.

Gamora stands on a high school playing field amid the eviscerated corpses of an entire football team. Blood is dripping from her dagger and there’s a wicked smile on her lips. Above her, a spaceship casts a light on the pitch – as though she’s just beamed down for the slaughter.

An archetypal high school nerd (Jimmy) steps towards her holding a wilted bouquet of flowers.

CAPTION (JIMMY): It was love at first sight.

JIMMY: That was fanTAStic. You’re, like, the girl I’ve been waiting for all my life, dude…

Panel Two.

In the high school cafeteria. Jimmy is eating an unappetising school dinner while two snotty ‘mean girl’ types look on, sneering at him and his new girlfriend. Gamora, sitting across the table from Jimmy, has just shot two donut-hole sized holes through the girls’ foreheads while they’re still in mid-bitch.

GIRL A: Look at Jimmy with his new ho’ – they think they’re too cool for sch--

GIRL B: Yeah - what a bee-yotc--

SFX: Zoop! Zoop!

CAPTION: I’d never met anyone like Gamora before. She was just so wild, so exciting… so dangerous.

Panel Three.

At the school dance, Jimmy and Gamora are slow-dancing while Jimmy’s classmates stand around looking jealous, awestruck, frightened and disdainful. (Different expressions for different people!) Jimmy has one hand in the small of Gamora’s back, the other is going up for second base. Gamora is smiling wickedly again.

CAPTION: We were the envy of everyone.

CAPTION: Of course, I knew it couldn’t last.

Panel Four.

Jimmy’s bedroom. Typical teenage geek’s room – metal posters on the walls, comics and clothes scattered on the floor, a gaming console in the corner. On the bed, Jimmy and Gamora are getting it on. Jimmy’s down to his boxers, Gamora’s in her skimpiest metallic underwear. They’re both dripping in sweat. Gamora’s on top, obviously. She’s just ripped Jimmy’s still beating heart out of his chest and is arching her back as she holds her prize before her. The heart is glowing like a jewel. She's satisfied - her mission is complete.

CAPTION: Turns out I’d been alien-abducted as a baby and the bug-eyed bastards had stashed some kooky ultimate nullifier space-doohickey in my left ventricle which could only be activated if my heart rate reached a peak of 221 bpm… or something.

CAPTION: Dude, like there are worse ways to go.


  1. Ha, this is a pretty good set up. Rol, who knew you could write bitchy tweens so well, I love it.

    Just a shame that Gamora didn't let him hit a home run before killing him. That would have been the right thing for her to do.

    Oh, and only four captions. Well in, Rol, as always, well in.

  2. I'm a bitchy tween at heart, Ryan.

  3. Is he narrating from beyond the grave? Or did he know his fate before death?... or am I over-thinking a nothing-but-fun piece? : P

  4. It's comics, Danial - I imagine he's just filling time telling that story, waiting around to be resurrected.

  5. Ahh... Well in that case, it's a very fine Limbo campfire story! I enjoyed it very much : )

  6. Rolo, will he be resurrected with a bitching costume and some wicked new haircut? Cos that's always cool when it happens!

  7. I do hope that extra 'o' was a typo, Ryan, or you'll be needing some ressurection y'self. ;-)

    By the way, I just had it pointed out to me that I totally confused Gamora with Nebula. I thought SHE was the deadliest chick in the universe. Shows what I know.

  8. "It's comics, Danial - I imagine he's just filling time telling that story, waiting around to be resurrected."

    I want to read this comic. Is it a giant waiting room with everyone sitting around waiting to be ressurrected? Are people such as Stilt Man getting pissed because others are constantly being put before him?

    As usual Rol, great work. I really enjoyed it.

  9. Then I suggest you read Grant Morrison's run on Animal Man, Ben. (It also happens in the last issue of Marvel's 80s Ka-Zar series, though in much less detail.) Hell, read Animal Man anyway - it's one of the best comics ever written. Grant's 26 issue run is - imho - better than Watchmen.

  10. Sweet. Will do Rol, thanks for that.


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