The Premise: For once, no premise. I just wanna write this.
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Page 1 - X Panels
1-- Daytime. We join Anya "Araña" Corazon (in her new Spider-Girl outfit) in the middle of a fight with Shocker, The Spot and Tombstone outside a bank. She's kicking off of Tombstone's face and flying towards The Spot with a fist ready to slug him in the face. Shocker is making a run for it with classic-style loot bags. You know, swag bags with huge green dollar signs on the side, that sorta thing.
SFX/FACEKICK - WAKKA!
SPEECH BUBBLE/ANYA CORAZON - Ugh, boys really ARE stupid. Robbing a bank in the day? Amateur hour, right?
2-- Araña's punch connects with The Spot's face, knocking him down. Tombstone has already fallen to the floor. Shocker is now further away, perhaps even off-panel by now.
SFX/FACEPUNCH - WAKKA!!
SPEECH BUBBLE/ANYA CORAZON - But then you ARE Spider-Man's villains. Can't he have someone NORMAL to fight, like an egytian assassin working for an evil cult?
3-- We now look over Araña's shoulder as she watches Shocker fleeing the scene. Her arm is raised, with the Spider-like grappling hook prepped on the back of her hand.
SPEECH BUBBLE/ANYA CORAZON - And you? Running from a little girl? Cobarde!
4-- Araña throws the hook after Shocker, who has turned around and raised his gauntlets, money still in hand.
SPEECH BUBBLE/SHOCKER - SHUT UP! I swear, I'll take you out, you stinkin' brat!
5-- Shocker blasts Araña, blowing her hook flying back past her and knocking her off balance and making her start to fall onto her rump.
SFX/SHOCKER'S BLAST - VWOOOOOOOOOORP
6-- Araña on the floor, wincing in pain.
SPEECH BUBBLE/ANYA CORAZON - Okay, not so dumb. Ouch. But still...
7-- Shocker is running away again and has made it to the end of the street. Araña can be seen some metres away, back on the chase.
CAPTION/ANYA CORAZON - Even if boys aren't dumb we can all agree...
8-- Nomad (Rikki Barnes) bursts onto the scene from round the corner, punching out Shocker with her electro-shielded arm.
9-- Rikki and Anya embrace, smiling at each other, standing over the knocked out body of Shocker.
CAPTION/ANYA CORAZON - Girls are just plain better, right?
Nice Max. I am not too familiar with the character, but you've given me a pretty good insight into her.
ReplyDeleteMy only gripe would be the amount of panels on the page, and fitting all that action into it.
Besides that, a tidy piece.
Max, you really have stacked the page here. I think you could easily edit this one down, start closer to the middle, as the grappling hook leaves her hand, perhaps.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice you've given her, though. Who knew you could write like such a teenage girl so effectively...? ;)
you guys have confirmed my fears, I really did overstack the page. Which is a lesson I though I'd learnt a while back but clearly it can sneak up on ya if ya stop paying attention. next week I'll have to do half a double-page spread as punishment!
ReplyDeleteas for my writing like a teenage girl.... aren't we ALL teenage girls? in our soul? No? then I'm stumped as to how I managed anything remotely like one
Oh, I see where you are going with this Max! I saw you talking about it on Twitter the other day, haha.
ReplyDeleteHey, I over-stack the page all the time, and nobody ever calls me on it, right?
ReplyDeleteYou do? Damn you all!
One question - when she punches The Spot in the face, why doesn't she lose her hand? I thought that was the deal with that guy.
Plus - EXCELLENT title, Max.
ReplyDelete