Panel One.
A pair of good-looking surfer dudes (Walt and Jeff) run through the foam and back towards the beach, carrying their boards. They’re grinning and laughing after riding some particularly gnarly waves. Look, I’m not going to embarrass myself by trying to write credible surfer lingo. I’ll just sound like your dad.
Sitting further up the beach is another young surfer, Cromarty. He’s a bronzed, ripped guy wearing shorts only and resting his arm on his surfboard. But he looks sad, dissatisfied with his existence, like there’s something missing from his life.
Walt: Aw, dude, that was fantastic…!
Jeff: Best waves of the year, dude – what’s wrong with you, Cromarty? Get out there, man!
Cromarty: I’m just not feeling it today, guys.
Panel Two.
Jeff and Walt are shocked. Jeff starts questioning Cromarty further. Walt’s attention is drawn to a couple of bikini clad babes passing by further up the beach.
Jeff: What? Donald Cromarty – conqueror of every wave on this coast from La Jolla to Leo Carillo and all the way up to Pismo - a man with sea spray in his blood… and he’s “not feeling it”?
Walt: Dude… babes at 3 o’clock…
Cromarty: Maybe that’s it, man, maybe I’m tired of the Southern California waves, maybe I wanna explore me some new shorelines for a change…
Panel Three.
Close on Cromarty, staring out at the lonely sea.
Jeff: (off-panel) Where, dude? Rincon? Sandspit? Cape Kiwanda…?
Walt: (off-panel) Not Malibu!
Cromarty: I’m thinking maybe a little further afield, guys. Look at that Surfer dude who’s always helping out the Fantastic Four…
Panel Four.
Now Cromarty is staring up at the sky. Longing for something else. Somewhere else. The sky is a perfect blue with a huge sun shining. Jeff approaches his friend with concern, puts a hand on his shoulder. Walt is now talking with three gorgeous beach babes.
Cromarty: Imagine what it must be like to ride the whole freakin’ universe on your board, Jeff – no limits!
Cromarty: The freedom. The power. The rush…
Jeff: Come on, man, Walt’s hooked up with some girls. What say we go get some beers, have us a little fun, blow these blues to the wind, man?
Panel Five.
Resigned to the fact he’ll never ride the silent spaceways like his surfer hero, Cromarty gets up and goes to follow Jeff and Walt (and the girls). He takes his board with him.
Cromarty: Yeah, I guess you’re right, dude. No point moping on what you’ll never have, right?
Cromarty: Best just to make the most of what you’ve got right here…
Panel Six.
High above the earth, the Silver Surfer stands silent and alone on his surfboard, watching the glistening planet below. He is sad and alone.
Surfer: I would trade places with you in a heartbeat, Donald Cromarty.
Surfer: If I could but bring myself to impose this desolate existence on another…
Panel Seven.
The Surfer turns away from the earth…
Panel Eight.
…and zooms off into space.
A script that barely uses the title character is a refreshing script. Some panels feel notably cluttered in that I wouldn't know how to frame everything going on in it (panels 1 and 2 to be specific). But then I'm not an artist and it could fit within sizeable panels with ease
ReplyDeleteMan, you never surf Malibu, nothing but fascists and reactionaries up there.
ReplyDeleteI like the concept of this script. The page feels cluttered, sure, but a good idea. Emotional.
What Ryan said. Great script!! (that's 2 exclaimnation points. That means I really like it. x2).
ReplyDeletePoor, poor, Surfer. Strangely enough, this script reminded me of the John Butler lyric:
ReplyDeleteWhy do I look to the other side?
'Cause I know,
The grass is greener,
But just as hard to mow.
Nice work!
Wow, this was great, Rol. Would work better spread over a couple of pages, I think - but no doubt, it packs quite an emotional punch. Brilliant stuff again.
ReplyDeleteThanks all. Once again I'd have been better off with two pages for this story, but that's my curse most of the time.
ReplyDeleteDanial - I almost called this The Grass Is Greener, but then I decided to go with a Beach Boys title instead.