1. We're looking at a small pool of blood. Emphasis on the small. Let's not exaggerate it. It's the result of a few droplets. The blood has collected on a dull gray surface; untarnished, spotless, apart from that liquid-red puddle.
CAPTION
Pain.
2. Birds-eye shot of the cell: Silver Surfer is on his hands and knees, gradually recovering his senses. The pool of blood - his blood - is just beside him, but there's no trace of it on him, at least from our perspective, looking down. The cell is void of everything; no perceptible entrance, entirely unfurnished. A desolate, empty space that exists in a vacuum.
CAPTION (1)
I have felt pain before.
I have been blasted by cosmic beams.
Suffered the onslaught of the Hulk's rage.
CAPTION (2)
This is something different.
Something...
CAPTION (3)
... human.
3. And now we see where the blood has come from. Surfer's nose is damaged. Broken. Its ridge bent at an impossible angle. It's no longer bleeding; the blood has congealed. His entire face is battered, beginning to swell.
CAPTION
This isn't possible.
I can't be...
What in the universe has the power to...
4. Surfer clamps shut his eyes; his mouth is a hard line, his jaw is set. He knows what he has to do next, and he's not looking forward to it.
CAPTION (1)
No, Norrin.
Compose yourself.
It is possible. It has happened.
Deal with it.
CAPTION (2)
The bone needs to be reset.
5. Surfer's fingers gently clasp his nose.
CAPTION
Fix the damage...
Then devise an escape.
Simple steps will lead to a final solution.
6. He snaps his nose back into place.
SFX
CRACK!
SURFER
Auuurgh!!
7. The Surfer, splayed on the ground. Overcome by the pain. Unconscious.
Damn, Simon you really bury the lead on this one. It's indirect, it's potent, it's damn fine. I like that there's no explanation. I like the Surfer's terse lines. I like the image of his broken nose. I like this script, a lot.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Ryan.
ReplyDeleteThe initial draft was loaded with text explaining how Surfer got here, who broke his nose,etc - but the page would've been a mess of captions and wordballoons. Hopefully the ambiguity of the script works in its favour; I certainly think it's better than the alternative.
Very compelling. Who has the power to do such a thing!?! I love it.
ReplyDeletethat's a damn good cry of pain. I don't know why that sticks out to me.
ReplyDeleteA pretty cracking script, concise and small whilst containing so much potential for the rest of the story. If I were to give it any minus point (and I don't want to) it's the "emphasis on the small" part, which might be less playful or conversational with an artist and more patronising if you're not careful. But then I say that with the irony of some of the scripts I've written, so disregard that.
All in all, you continue to be one of my favourite scripters
No, good point - that line isn't needed at all, better to get rid of it than potentially insult / patronise an artist.
ReplyDeleteThough honestly, if I was sending a script to an artist, I imagine I'd be ridiculously passive, heh.
The ambiguity certainly helps here Simon, and sets up a perfect set of "must read on" questions. The only bit that felt slightly off to me was the Surfer addressing himself as Norrin - I know it's his real name but I can't remember him ever doing that before.
ReplyDeleteI love the concept of this. I know Silver Surfer is a popular character but I like the fact this script humanises him a bit more.
ReplyDelete