The Thing - A Tribute To Phatu - Max Barnard
The Premise: You know when the Thing was at his best? That's right, when he was a wrestler! Let's revisit those glory days, shall we?
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Page 1 - 7 Panels
1-- We're in a wrestling ring, where the Thing is irish whipping a miscellanious luchadore into a corner post. Seeing as this is superhuman wrestling the luchadore should probably have something obviously super about him, whether it's green skin, glowing red eyes or a giant mouthful of vicious fangs shooting off in any old direction.
SPEECH BUBBLE/COMMENTATOR - OH! And Ben 'Clobberin'' Grimm has got ahold of El Misceláneo! What will our returning legend DO to the reigning champion of the SUPERHUMAN WRESTLING FEDERATION?!
2-- El Misceláneo collides with the corner post back-first as The Thing starts walking away to the opposite corner.
SPEECH BUBBLE/COMMENTATOR - AND EL MISCELÁNEO IS IN THE CORNER! WHAT IS GRIMM SETTING UP FOR?! AND DOESN'T HE KNOW NOBODY PUTS MISCÁLANEO IN THE CORNER?!
3-- Close-up on The Thing's arse as he pats it hard with both his palms.
SFX/ARSESMACK - SMAK-SMAK
SPEECH BUBBLE/COMMENTATOR - ... oh.... oh, no.
4-- The Thing is running towards his opponent, who is still slumped in the corner.
SPEECH BUBBLE/THE THING - IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!
SPEECH BUBBLE/COMMENTATOR - OH GOD NO NOT THE STINKFACE!!
5-- The Thing has turned around and is about to thrust his arse into the face of El Misceláneo. And I'm sorry.
SPEECH BUBBLE/EL MISCELÁNEO - ¡no! el demonio redondo stinky....
6-- The Thing has thrusted his behind into El Misceláneo's face, exploding his head in a fairly disgusting manner.
SFX/HEAD EXPLOSION - FU-SPLOOOOOORCH
7-- The Thing is standing up, trying to wipe the blood and fragments of head, with a disgusted look on his face. The ring is now something like 70% covered in blood.
SPEECH BUBBLE/COMMENTATOR - I... I... Grimm.. Wins? I guess?
SPEECH BUBBLE/THE THING - Ugh, whadda revoltin' development!
CAPTION - Fin.
Rikishi would be proud.
ReplyDeleteI never knew that Ben Grimm was a wrestler? When did this happen? I need references.
Oh, and don;t be surprised if a masked wrestler called El Miscelaneo turns up in NWA Pro Australia - I'm totally stealing that character.
Well done Max. A fun, albiet slightly gross scipt.
There's a part of me wants to object that Ben isn't a killer, but that's taking this script far more seriously than it deserves. Well done, Max, you just grossed me out good and proper. El Misceláneo is a great name too.
ReplyDeleteI haven't a clue what a luchadore is though.
Ben - your namesake joined the WWF (or Marvel equivalent) back in the late 80s after quitting the FF, spending some time stranded on the Secret Wars planet, then coming home to seek a new direction. These stories took place in the latter half of the 80s Thing series... which I think I read somewhere might be getting collected next year.
Oh Ben is totally not a killer. He just got far too rusty in the years since his wrestling days and I can assure you that the following story would be a deep examination of his grief.
ReplyDeleteThat's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
oh and Ben, check out Deadpool Team-Up 888 this week. It has The Thing back in the ring!
Ah, Max, I like that this is you actually kick starting a poignant and grief filled story. You know how to tug on heart strings, old chap.
ReplyDeleteSolid page, seems like it would look like a stack of fun.