I’m not going to apologise for lots of small panels this week, firstly because they’re mostly talking heads… and secondly because it’s Casanova. Just imagine page 2 of this story involves a big splash with lots of violence and a witty one-liner or two.
Panel One.
We’re in a speed-dating bar, moving round the tables with Casanova Quinn. Most of the panels are head and upper body shots of the women he’s speed-dating.
Date #1 is a Marilyn Monroe type, all low-cut bust and beauty spot pout, beaming as she introduces herself. A lock of perfectly blonde hair curls down her forehead. There is a badge pinned to her dress, handwritten with her name: Marrimee. She points to this as she introduces herself, giggling.
Marrimee: Hi, I’m Marrimee, but I guess you can see that already (giggle).
Marrimee: I’m 22, 38 – 21 – 36, 58…
CAP (Casanova): She’s lying about her age, her vital statistics, and her number of confirmed kills…
Panel Two.
A bullet speeds towards Marrimee’s brain through the bullseye on her forehead created by the lock of blonde hair. In this panel it’s caught in the split-second before piercing her skull. Her eyes look up at it with confusion.
CAP (Casanova): This is going to be a long night.
Panel Three.
Casanova brushes brain splatter from his otherwise impeccable dinner jacket and prepares to move on. He’s holding a smoking (and I mean SMOKING!) gun.
CAP (Casanova): Speed-dating – I’d rather finger-bang a Neo-Lovecraftian Love-Piranha. Again.
CAP (Casanova): I only agreed to take this assignment if they let me kill everyone but the target, who must be taken alive at all costs if the universe is to continue expanding exponentially after Thursday.
Panel Four.
Casanova’s next date is another pretty lady, with dark green hair, seductive eyes and a body to die in prolonged agony for. The only slightly odd thing about her is her enormous Joker-esque too-much-lipstick-and-teeth smile. Her name tag reads: Jill Ingjoke. She’s sitting in front of a window that looks up into the night sky where one star blinks brighter than all the rest.
Jill: The main thing I’m looking for in a man is a GSOH…
Panel Five.
The star is actually a death-satellite which now fires a concentrated laser beam down to earth, through the window behind Jill and straight through the back of her head, emerging between her eyes as a needle of light that continues on through the table she’s sitting at. Casanova steps away, holding a small button box with which he’s just activated the satellite death laser.
Casanova: Geo-Synchronous Orbital Homicide? Happy to oblige.
Panel Six.
Casanova’s next date is a green alien woman with huge black eyes and a not unsexy snout. Hey, I just write these things. Her name tag reads: Greeda. She offers her hand to Cass and is somewhat surprised when he offers his gun in return.
Greeda: Hi, my name’s—
CAP (Casanova): If I learnt one thing back in 1997, long before I ever became a spy…
Panel Seven.
Close on Cass’s gun firing green alien death.
CAP (Casanova): Never trust a green alien not to shoot first.
Panel Eight.
Leaving the smoking corpse of the green alien woman behind him, Cass moves on to his next date… but stops in his tracks when he sees who it is.
CAP (Casanova): It’s the only way to survive in this game: be ready for anythi—
Casanova: No… way.
Panel Nine.
Looking over Cass’s shoulder we see his next date, a startling woman with an Elsa Lanchester beehive and a dress that would turn heads in a neckbrace test group. She’s smiling a wicked, I’m-going-to-kill-you-very-slowly smile. Her nametag reads: Your Presumed Dead (Because You Tried To Murder Me, Three Times, You Bastard) Ex-Wife, Sandra.
Sandra: Hello, darling…
CAP (Casanova): The worst of this is, I think I just identified my target…
Rol - this page rockets along, plenty on offer, but you're right...it's Casanova. I like it, plenty of little gags, still a bit of story, and a wicked punch at the end.
ReplyDeleteGreeda was good, but did you steal the 'again' line from Kieron Gillen? Be honest now.
It's almost a shame that so much of your beautiful writing would never be read by the read as it's panel description. Maybe it'll get picked up as an extra in the trade...?
Y'know, if I was gonna steal a line, I could do worse than steal it from Mr. Gillen. However, I hadn't really read any of the comments before posting this... it might have been some subliminal hive-mind thing going on. Which would be appropriate for a Casanova script too, I reckon.
ReplyDeleteThoughtballoons trades though... now there's an idea!
The character/theme of the week may not exactly be to my tastes, but I still can't help but love Sandra's nametag and all that it implies.
ReplyDeleteRol - loved it. Flows nicely and coherently. Bonus points for multiple Star Wars references AND an awesome female sexbomb character name - Julie Ingjoke. Well, it's better than mine..and exotic mistress called Astu Pidpun (nobody can steal that).
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ben - but it was JILL Ingjoke. After Alan Moore and Brian Bolland.
ReplyDeleteAh - well now I look like even more of a douche when you compare it to the comment I left in my script comments part thing.
ReplyDelete