I will admit, I have not quite captured Casanova with this script; couldn't quite capture the right voice, the right tone. It just feels... wrong. A damn shame, because I love the series - but sometimes you've just gotta bow to the master, admit defeat, and strive to improve for next time. Cheers - Sime.
1. SMALL PANEL. We're looking at a cylindrical explosive device; something futuristic, something sleek - something dangerous. A digital timer is counting down. It's display currently reads: 00:00:39
CAPTION
When people fall under the spell of a charismatic figure,
parts of the brain's prefrontal and anterior cingulate shut off.
2. Casanova and the being he's kidnapped - Thursisaz, a military dictator on this planet - are making a dash for the intergalactic spacecraft parked on the tarmac. Note: Thursisaz is a new character, no reference available for him; although in the Germanic tongue and in Old Norse it means "giant," so he should be a powerfully built being, albeit one with three head (the other members of the planet's 'parliament.') Casanonova is firing his gun at opponents we cannot yet see, a smile plastered on his face. He is loving this shit. Thursisaz's faces are contorted into rage.
SFX
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
CAPTION
What I'm saying is, the shit in your head that controls skepticism and vigilance just goes kaput.
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:32.
3. BIRDSEYE PERSPECTIVE. Casanova and Thursisaz are in the spacecraft. Its engines are ignited. And, running at the craft, is an army of warriors.
CAPTION
And this fucker I'm escorting off-planet has charmed his people
into going to war.
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:26.
4. In the cockpit, Cass is at the controls. Thursisaz is bound to the co-pilots chair. The world outside is a blur; they're racing down the tarmac.
CAPTION
E.M.P.I.R.E.'s diplomatic option failed.
Cue me.
THURSISAZ
(all heads)
This is my planet!
I'll be back!
I will be shitting on your grave this time next week, you - -
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:21.
5. Casanova flashes a smile full of bravado at Thursisaz.
CASANOVA
You don't get it.
You're not coming back.
You can't come back.
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:17.
6. On Thursisaz's faces; they've got pale, eyes opened wide.
CASANOVA
(off panel)
In thirteen seconds, the WHD I planeted thirty minutes ago
is gonna detonate.
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:13.
7. The spacecraft is rocketing into space.
CAPTION (1)
WHD.
White-Hole-Detonator.
In a few seconds, Thursisaz's homeworld's gonna be
a region of spacetime that can't be entered from
the outside. Anybody who leaves won't be able to return.
CAPTION (2)
This is as close as Thursisaz is ever gonna get to his world again.
Let's see how his world get's on without
him at its helm, eh?
Somewhere in the panel we should see the digital timer display, still ominously counting down: 00:00:07.
8. SAME AS PANEL #1.
Only now the timer reads: 00:00:00.
Only now the timer reads: 00:00:00.
END.
The ending is pretty good, no explosion, nothing overly dramatic, just the finished timer and a request the artist could actually complete, very nice of you.
ReplyDeleteThursisaz is a damn fine name. It fits Cass' world perfectly.
The whole white hole science just sounds awesome, again a perfect fit. You feel you might not have found the voice but you certainly found the vibe.
With the voice, I feel it was more that you just didn't overplay it, otherwise, it's not completely out, I don't think. Just understated.
The repetition of ominously counting down got to me in the end, you could probably slice that repreated note down like: Counter appears still, as before, now at 00:00:00, etc.
And finally, doing that to the planet is not a very nice nor diplomatic move. It's just plain wrong, in fact, and assumes you are right. It's a perfect Cass move, bravo.
Woah, a lot going on in one page. I'm impressed that you have managed to fit it all in cohesively!
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