1. Side on view of a relatively tight panel of Superman. He is holding up the giant daily globe statue out the front of the Daily Globe. His face is racked with a combination of strain and pain as he holds the globe. Lois Lane is under it, and would have been crushed if not for Superman. In the background, Metropolis is under attack from many giant robots.
CAPTION
I am not the man.
I am not the man.
2. The panel from above is widened. We can see that Superman is in pain as Lex Luthor, in some kind of new Superman-killing armour, lashes into the Man of Steel (feel free to make it look however you like, just painful).
CAPTION
I am not the monster.
I am not the monster.
3. Conner Kent is looking at the scene. He is in civilian clothes, glasses and all.
CAPTION
I am my own being.
I am my own being.
4. A close up of Conner looking angry, visible from the waist up. Conner has begun to rip his shirt open, his black shirt with red outlined “S” logo is slightly visible beneath.
CAPTION
And my being is angry.
And my being is angry.
I like this, it works well. but that last line bugs me somehow. It feels too awkward, like a rephrasing is necessary.
ReplyDeletelike... "And I'm being angry" or something... though that doesn't sit right with me either.
Bah, ignore me, my literary sense is just uncomfortable or something.
I was trying to channel some hip teenage peak. I don't think I channelled enough.
ReplyDeleteAll i could think of, with that final line, is Arnie in Commando screaming "And right now I'm very hungry!" ha.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, not a bad page. Short, sharp, would capture a teen's attention. I would have liked to see a stronger hook and use of Luthor to add a further dimension to the page.
I will applaud anything that involves the tearing open of a shirt to reveal the 'S' symbol.
ReplyDeleteThe final caption is kind of awkward, I guess... but it sounds like something I would've said / thought when I was a teen, trying to sound 'dangerous' and cool and... literate.
I was not the most popular kid at school, no.
I think the final caption works in it's own way. It has a 'real' sort of feeling to it. "my own being"/"my being is".
ReplyDeleteSure, it might not work in 'proper' speech, but I get the feeling that's not what you were going for.
@Ryan - I have no idea how to really write Luthor, hence whi I have him just beating the crap out of Supes.
ReplyDelete@Simon and @MK - That's kinda what I was going for - took my que from Mr Whedon. Awkward teenage speak to make the character seem different. At least when compared to his namesake.
Now that you mention it, that last line does sound rather Buffyesque :)
ReplyDeleteSimple and effective. I like it.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I'm the first person to point this out... it should be Daily PLANET!!!
ReplyDeleteDaily Globe was the Daily Bugle's rival newspaper way back when...
I liked the last line, it did have the air of Whedon.
HA! I get +1 for failing at research. Simple research.
ReplyDeleteYes, I sounded like Whedon, but I take that as a compliment. Sometimes.
"Do you know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightening?"
There's also a typo in the first sentence. "Trakes place"
ReplyDeleteROSENTHAL!