Thursday, December 9, 2010

Faiza Hussain - Call of Duty - Sime McDonald

1. Completely red.

It was seven forty when the street exploded.

2. Faiza Hussain is propped up against an overturned bus. The London street around her is in ruins, bodies strewn about, the dead and the dying. Faiza appears relatively unharmed; a few cuts and bruises but nothing obviously life threatening. She's holding her hand to her head, as though ensuring it's still there.

It was seven forty-three when I woke up in Hell with something buzzing in my ear.

No, not buzzing.

3. Close-up of Faiza's ear, blood dripping from a wound just above it. There's a small communication-device planted there; her connection to MI-13.

(from comm-link)

Pete Wisdom.

4. From Faiza's perspective. A young child is trapped under debris, unconscious. We can't tell if the child is dead or alive, but the outlook doesn't look good.

(from comm-link)
We need you!
We need Excalibur, damn it!

5. Faiza dashes towards the child. Unbeknownst to her, towering above, is a Sentinel, its arm raised, fingers splayed, ready to fire another blast at the London street. Targeting who? Why? If only we had another page... 

And these people need a doctor.

(from comm-link)
Faiza, you don't understand.
We need y - 


  1. Nice one, Simon. You've managed to capture that popular Saving Private Ryan war-zone feel in a single page, which is great, but at the same time, throwing us right in the middle of an intriguing story situation. I really liked this one :)

  2. Sime - I like the action on this page. It flows and make's you feel disoriented as well, it is extremely effective and a good build.

  3. Great page Sime. So - is there another page, or were you just trying to distract us with the 'If only we had another page..' comment? I actually want to know where you were going with this!

  4. I really liked this, it drops you right into the middle of the action but still provides enough context.

    Also, kind of funny that we both went for similar payoffs in that last panel.

  5. From a purely one-page pov, we didn't need that last dialogue balloon from Pete. The story ends perfectly with Faiza's decision to put being a doctor ahead of being a superhero.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.