Monday, December 20, 2010

Santa Claus - Twas the Night Before X-Mas - Ben Rosenthal

I have changed the format of this week's script purely for you, the reader. Here's hoping it doesn't make your brain melt. Much.



'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

A non-descript man sits in bed reading by the light of his bedside lamp.


When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

I ran down the stairs, to see the cause of the sound;

As down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

To the right of panel we see the back of the man, stopped just before the staircase ends. He is looking into his lounge room, where a large Christmas Tree is set up. Underneath are many wrapped presents. In front of an old style chimney is the recognisable fat bearded man known as Santa Claus.


He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;


A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

He looked like a junkie, addicted to crack.

His eyes – they were small! His mask how merry!

Twas Deadpool Santa, drunk on sherry!

A close up of Santa. He is actually Deadpool dressed as Santa. And he’s drunk.


He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, he’d let himself go,

And I laughed when I saw him, he called me a ‘Mo’;

A full shot of Santa-Pool standing in the lounge room. He is giving our narrator the thumbs up.


A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had something to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

But tripped over the tree, like some jerk.

Santa-Pool tripping over some electrical cords, which we can see will result in him falling into the brightly lit Christmas tree.


The cords that were laid, to power the lights,

All of the sudden they caught alight.

The fire did spread, to the curtains and floor,

So jolly St Deadpool, ran out of the door.

The entire lounge room is on fire, with Santa-Pool running through the open door to outside.

7. Santa-Pool’s sleigh is in the air, getting smaller in the distance.


He slumped to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good OH CRAP MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!”


  1. It's crazy and I love it. Nice work :)

  2. That was hilarious. A genuine laugh out loud bit. :-D

  3. Ben, this is exactly what I wanted from Xmas. Brilliant.

    However, there are two lines I would add to:

    "But tripped over the tree, like some jerk."
    Should become:
    "But tripped over the tree, like some stupid jerk."
    It helps the meter of the line.

    Same as:
    "All of the sudden they caught alight."
    Should become:
    "When all of the sudden they caught alight."

  4. I did an lol.

    Ben, when Daniel Way quits Deadpool, I'm petitioning for you to take over.

  5. THanks guys.

    @Rol - That's thegreatest compliment I've ever recieved. Thanks. Where do I sign up?


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