Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Page One - 6 Panels
1-- An exterior view of a dishevelled warehouse on an anonymous street at night, with boarded-up windows and a half-destroyed sign that we only know ends in "ORP". Other than this sight all we can see is a lamppost, illuminating the panel, and a police car parked near the entrance to the warehouse.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - When I got the call I couldn't believe it.
2-- We're now inside the darkened warehouse. Through a single beam of light coming through the window we can see Marian, a young, neat and prim police officer, who at best can only be described as looking average, standing alone and strong. There is literally nothing else you can see other than that and the window responsible for the aforementioned beam of light.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - Frank Castle is turning himself in. But only if it's me (and ONLY me) who comes to collect him.
3-- Marian whirls round, drawing a stun gun from a holster on her waist (motion lines galore?), aiming it at Frank Castle, who is sitting on the floor next to a small lamp, which is just about illuminating his form, and a pistol.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - FREEZE!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - ->hhh<-
SFX/LAMP - klik!
4-- Nothing in the scene has changed, save Marian's hands shaking some small amount.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - You're late, officer.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - GET UP! Y-You're under arrest!
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - Somehow I didn't even consider...
5-- Frank has his hand on the pistol on the floor, and is beginning to lift himself up off the ground.
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - GET YOUR HAND OFF THE GUN! MOVE IT! I-I'M WARNING YOU, CASTLE!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - You're a good cop. The least corrupt I could find. Heck, you're practically a saint...
SPEECH BUBBLE/MARIAN - W-what?!
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - That when it comes to dealing with Frank Castle...
6-- The Punisher is now standing up, brandishing the gun handle first at Marian, who is so surprised that her stun gun has fallen out of her hands. A small detail is that we can see some small tear streaks dried on Castle's face.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FRANK CASTLE - I've gone too far. I've killed innocents. So now I need you, an innocent, decent police officer, to finish me. Put a bullet in my brain, Officer.
TEXT BOX/NARRATION - You never know what's going to happen.
[Bonus note: The rest of this storyline would be a locked room debate with Marian wrestling with the request she's just been given, something that could even have the effect of turning her herself into a new Punisher. With that potential ending to the story I suppose you could consider this a first page of a #1, a new Punisher series giving us a new Punisher with a different angle. Which I, at least, think would be bloody captivating!]
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Night time. A haggard-looking, middle-aged man sits across the table from us in a diner. He's Jerry, and he's telling his shameful story. He looks like a man on the verge of a breakdown, running shaky fingers through his thinning hairline, unable to make eye contact with us. We can’t yet see what's on the table in front of him.
JERRY: Fourteen years – what is that, the seven year itch times two? But me and Sooze, we just weren’t connecting any more, you know?
JERRY: I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date or even sat and watched a DVD together… and as for sex…
JERRY: I’m not making excuses. I know it was wrong. I knew it every second I was with Kelly… but she made me feel good again. Even when I was feeling bad about going behind Sooze’s back, I still felt better… more alive that I had in years.
Wider angle so we can see the table now. Jerry’s coffee sits untouched. He pushes a gun towards us. He’s looking at us now, imploring us…
JERRY: I bought this gun to make amends. Not to protect myself from Sooze – she’s past trying to hurt me. That one time she did, she’d just found out about the affair… she wasn’t thinking straight.
JERRY: If that little kid hadn’t got in the way, I’d have got what was coming to me right then and there. But he did. And now we both have to live with the consequences.
Now we see the diner table from side on. Jerry pushes the gun towards the man sitting across from him: Frank Castle, the Punisher. We can just make out his skull shirt peeping out from under his trenchcoat. He’s frowning: stock Frank Castle expression #1. He reaches to take the gun.
JERRY: But I can’t do it. I just… I don’t have the strength. That’s why I came to you.
Close on the Punisher. He stares at Jerry’s gun in his hand.
FRANK: You did the right thing.
Castle stands up and steps out of the booth, away from Jerry, slipping the gun into his belt as he goes. Jerry calls after him, shocked.
JERRY: What… wait… where are you going? You can’t just…
Close on Jerry, distraught, in the doorway of the diner now, calling after the Punisher.
JERRY: You… You’re the Punisher…
JERRY: Punish me!
The Punisher walks away, leaving Jerry behind him in the diner doorway, a broken man.
FRANK: I am.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Caption: It burns you up inside, doesn't it, Frank?
PANEL 2- Frank Castle has his arms around a man's neck. In the background, a woman
with blond hair is in tears, reaching out to ask him to let him go.
Caption: But you know that no amount of death will bring them back.
PANEL 3- Frank Castle dangles a man over a cliff.
Caption: To you, they are all criminals.
PANEL 4- A sniper rifle sight is aimed at Frank Castle's back.
Caption: They call you The Punisher.
PANEL 5- From a rooftop A beautiful woman with blond hair is poised with a sniper gun. Frank Castle's back is facing her. She looks extremely angry.
Caption: "Judge not, lest ye yourself be judged..."
1. Frank Castle stands on a pier dock. There’s a boat on fire in the water, dead bodies on the dock and in the water, and a flaming plane just crashing into the water about 100m away making a big splash. Frank has one gun in his hand, his other hand is quite clearly broken, fingers protruding everywhere like someone just tried to assemble a quick hand out of whatever they could find. We can’t see Frank’s face, he is looking out at the plane.
2. Frank is walking away, towards us.
Frank: Guess you should have answered that call.
3. Frank is still walking away, he’s just that bit closer to us. It’s over, they’re all dead and he can leave now.
4. Frank is closer again but this time looking down at one of the bodies. One of the dead bodies is not so dead and the guy is saying something.
Guy: Was that a joke?
5. Frank shoots the guy in the head twice.
SFX: Blam! Blam!
6. Frank is closer to us still, the smallest smile on his face.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The following takes place in an alternate reality. In this reality, Frank Castle’s family was killed in an entirely different way...
1. A side view of the fridge section of a supermarket. We can clearly see rows and rows of different cheeses stacked in its shelving. In the middle of the isle is MAN 1. He is yelling, with a look of pure anger on his face, at the cheese. In the background is MAN 2, walking up to MAN 1. He is dressed in typical supermarket worker attire.
YOU FLITHY, DISGUSTING, BOTTOM FEEDING, B#$%T C$#@ SMOKER.
Why are you yelling at cheese?
Because I’m lactose intolerant!
3. Both men are laughing hysterically. Their hands are on their bellies, heads are thrown back and mouths open wide. A tear may even appear on one of the men’s faces as they are laughing so hard. However, a red dot is visible on MAN 1’s forehead, but neither individual has noticed.
5. A wide panel. The Pun-Isher is standing menacingly with a cold, heartless stare. He wears a black trench coat, with a back t-shirt. There is a skull of a clown painted on this shirt. The smoking gun tells us that this is the man who shot MAN 1.
When his family was killed by a joke gone wrong, Frank Castle swore he would never let anyone make bad jokes again. Vowing to avenge his family by killing those who mis-use the power of the punch line, he became THE PUN-ISHER.
See, violence IS funny. Kids, try this at home.
The above post is Dolph Lundgren approved
Friday, July 23, 2010
Please helllp meee....
Tap Tap Tap Tap
Page 1 - X Panels
1-- A close-up of Penguins face from the nose up. His brow is furrowed, in a way that could potentially be read as angry, to build up the expectations of the reader.
TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - No, no, this isn't right at all...
2-- We move back to see Oswald at a computer in a dark room, frantically typing away with a cigarette in his mouth and his top hat falling off of his head. He isn't wearing ANYTHING else, so make sure he's as disgusting, wide, riddled with cellulite and wrinkly as possible. Oh and sweaty, I'm sure someone out there will hate us for that, so have rivulets of thick sweat running down his hideous rotund form. We want to be giving people nightmares with this image!
SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - BIGGER! It needs to be BIGGER!
3-- We're now looking over the Penguin's shoulder at his computer. On the screen is a character creation screen for a game called FURQUEST (drop this in at the top of the screen. In fact if you're looking for a frame of reference for the screen itself, try looking at character creation screens from such games as World of Warcraft. It's the kind of shut-in vibe I'm going for here). The character pictured on screen is a horrific sight: a giant anthropomorphised Penguin-man/woman with ridiculous muscles, to the extent that its flippers look like bulging, Liefeldian biceps. It's wearing a tank-top to cover it's hideously oversized breasts, which are almost as big as the rest of the character. Between the monstrosity's legs is a MASSIVE BLACK CENSORSHIP BAR, with CENSORED in big white letters running along it. I don't think you need to know what this implies, but rest assured that by the standards of the community I'm light-heartedly mocking it's tame.
SPEECH BUBBLE/PENGUIN - HUAGH! It is complete!
4-- I'm sure you're beginning to feel sick at this point, so be glad this is the final panel. We're now only viewing the screen, which is displaying the aforementioned fur-futa-penguin... THING standing in a crowd of similar creatures, namely Foxes, Cat-people and some sort of reptile. Try to have one of them giving an incredibly uncomfortable arse shot facing the reader. In the bottom left corner is a chat box, containing such generic sentiments as "a/s/l", "lololololol" and "roflcopter".
SFX/ABOVE CROWD OF PLAYER CHARACTERS - YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF
TEXT BOX/PENGUIN - I've finally found a place I truly belong, where no-one will think I'm disgusting!* HUAGH!
TEXT BOX/EDITOR'S NOTE - *Urp! I feel sickened by the irony!
TEXT BOX - Fin
[Man, I feel filthy writing that, but I wanted to see how far I could push the envelope on uncomfortable scripts. Hopefully you all laughed on some small scale, or at least scarred you for life. Because that's a sort of comedy. And this TOTALLY isn't existing just because it's the only idea I could think of for the character. Not at all!]
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Batman is fighting the Joker at Gotham City Zoo. They’re in the Aquatic Birdhouse where the Joker is trying to feed his deadly smiley-faced Joker-fish to the assorted birds… including swans, geese, pelicans, flamingo, etc. Batman is leaping towards the Joker to stop him.
JOKER: Come on, Bats – fish is good for bird-brains! Hahahahaha!
CAP: Breakfast – The Joker attacks Gotham Zoo…
Batman is fighting Killer Croc in the sewers. A hole in the sewer wall leads through to a bank vault. Killer Croc has Batman in a bear hug, squeezing the life out of him.
CROC: Rarrrrrghhh! KILL YOU!
CAP: Lunch – Killer Croc breaks the bank… and almost does the same to my back. (Once was bad enough.)
Batman is fighting the Mad Hatter amid giant Alice In Wonderland style teacups. The Hatter is throwing razor tipped Oddjob hats at Batman while a swirling hypnotic beam emanates from his own top hat.
MAD HATTER: Time for your afternoon nap, Batman, old chap – you’re feeling sleeeeepy!
CAP: High tea – of course, it had to be the Hatter…
Batman is fighting Poison Ivy in a huge, plant-filled greenhouse. Batman is trying to keep himself from being chomped by a giant venus flytrap. While Batman struggles, Ivy blows him a poisonous kiss.
IVY: Darling – I could just eat you up!
CAP: Dinner - Poison Ivy’s latest creation debuts at Gotham’s Botanical Gardens.
Batman is tied to a target / bullseye on top of a building as night falls on Gotham. The Joker is pointing a ridiculously huge gun at him and is about to blow him away. Batman is struggling to get free but his situation seems hopeless.
CAP: It’s relentless. As the day goes on, they begin to wear me down …
CAP: So that by the time the Joker returns for supper… he finally gets the better of me.
JOKER: Say goodnight, Gracie!
Big SFX panel – BLAM!
The Joker stands with a smoking bullet hole through his chest. He’s staring at it in confusion. Batman is unharmed… staring past the Joker to where the Penguin waddles out of the shadows.
The Joker collapses. As the Penguin comes closer, we see that his umbrella is smoking from the shot he just fired at the Joker. Batman starts to struggle free from his trap.
PENGUIN: I’ve told him before… He can do what he wants to you…
Penguin beats the fallen body of the Joker with his umbrella repeatedly.
PENGUIN: BUT HE - MUSTN’T – EVER – HURT – MY --
Back to Gotham Zoo as featured in the opening panel. Police and zoo-keepers clear up the mess from the Joker’s attack earlier in the day. Among the debris and Joker fish, a zoo-keeper holds the body of a dead penguin.
PENGUIN (CAP): FRIENDS!!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
The following is a very simple 3 lined grid, with 2 panel appearing on each line. All panels are of the same size.
1. We see a young Oswald Cobblepot. He is around 15 years old. He is dressed in a karate Gi and is training with a similarly aged young man. There is determination on his face.
2. This panel shows Oswald and his friend looking down on some blueprints. Both boys are a few years older, with Oswald looking slightly chubbier around the face. On the bench in front of the two are miscellaneous parts of an umbrella, as well as some rotator blades and engines. We can see that the blueprints reveal that the two are working on a portable way of flight.
3. We have skipped forward another few years. This panel has a slightly more rotund Oswald running towards us, down an alley. He is dressed in mostly black, with a ski mask rolled up over his face. He has just committed a robbery of the local bank. Oswald is looking over his shoulder with a smirk on his face, carrying a bag close to his chest. To the left of the panel, in the background, two police officers are pointing their guns at Oswald’s friend, who is dressed the same as Oswald.
4. Once again a few years have passed. Oswald’s belly is the size that we see it today. He is dressed in nice clothes, but not the expensive suit we are used to seeing him in. He is looking over the fallen body of a nicely dressed mafia-type boss. The body of the mafia boss is lying on its back at the bottom of the panel, with Oswald standing above it, one foot on its chest. Oswald has a large grin on his face, holding an unopened umbrella in his hand which is still smoking from its tip. Behind Oswald are a group of thugs, looking like Oswald’s army.
5. This panel is taken up entirely by the front page of the Daily Planet. Its headline reads in a large font, “WHO IS THE PENGUIN?” Underneath is the smaller line “The mysterious new Emperor of Crime”.
6. This panel is taken up with Oswald’s face. He has a monocle and cigarillo jutting from the right side of his mouth. We can see the outline of the Daily Planet, which Oswald has obviously just been reading. Oswald looks completely gobsmacked and taken aback.
I’m a penguin?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
PANEL 2- First person view, like in Goodfellas. A bouncer smiles at The Penguin as he holds a note in his flipper.
PANEL 3- The Penguin, Two Face, Clayface (modelled on Sammy Davis Jr, but around the edges the clay residue gives away his real idendity) and The Joker strut like the original Frank Sinatra Oceans Eleven.
PANEL 4- The Penguin is poised at a lectern, passionately pointing his umbrella out to the crowd. Behind him is a giant poster reading "Vote Penguin" a la Citizen Kane.
PANEL 5- A dingy, cold apartment, with mould on the curtains and DVDs strewn across the floor, the discs seperate from their boxes. The Penguin is on the floor, dressed in a torn tuxedo, his umbrella dusty on a broken umbrella stand. He scowls at a DVD with a very familiar black shape on a yellow circle.
Caption: I could have had class. I could have been a contender. If it wasn't for that damn bat!
Hungerford: Came as quick as I could. What have we got, Detective Driver?
Driver: They took his umbrella, one of his crooked little paws, and what must be at least a pound of blubber.
2. Hungerford looks perplexed.
3. Driver grimaces and has turned away.
Driver: Whales ain’t the only ones, buddy.
Driver: Looks like a trophy hunt to me. And I know someone who apparently has a very rich collection in this sort of sick vein.
4. Driver is staring off, looking through a note pad, Hungerford is staring at the sheeted body, which is now slightly moving.
Driver: Massive coins, pet dinosaurs, glass cases of defeated foes, crocodile teeth necklaces, pits to regenerate himself…giant ten pins. It’s all just a big game.
Penguin, under the sheet(faint): Waugh, Waugh…
Hungerford: Oh, god, he’s still alive.
5. Driver is walking away, the penguin has sat up with the sheet uncovering his face, Hungerford just looks shocked.
Driver: He was never dead, I was just sick of lookin’ at him.
Driver: C’mon kid, we need some truth on this matter, and though I doubt we’ll completely get any it’s still our job to go ask questions.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
But I'm also intrigued by the various interpretations of the character. In the film Batman Returns, he is an embittered monster trying to become respectable. In the 60's series he was a squawking eccentric, while in The Batman he was an oik pretending to have class.
I've got to be honest, there is also a joy in writing for villains, be able to get a sense of why they do what they do. It seems to me you rarely get villains that are evil for the sake of it and that often adds to the fun.
If you are interested in reading some more, professional, Penguin tales during or after this week then please check out the links below, there might just be something new for you...you never know, and each click and purchase (and you can purchase anything, so long as our link to Amazon is your portal) will help us here at thoughtballoons make a little scratch to get by. Thank you in advance:
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Page Two - 4 Panels
1-- Aquaman is standing at the edge of some fog-laden docks, talking to a heavily bearded man in full fishing regalia. He is gesturing towards the ocean wildly.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AQUAMAN - WHALES! DO.... YOU HAVE... WHALES?!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FISHERMAN - 'ch re yn sefyll ynddi, boyo!
2-- Aquaman is now looming over the man, yelling louder, in the vain hope that this crosses the language barrier.
SPEECH BUBBLE/AQUAMAN - BIG SPURTY THINGS! SING BEAUTIFUL SONGS! WHALES!
SPEECH BUBBLE/FISHERMAN - dawelu i lawr, boyo!
3-- Aquaman is now 'facepalming', shoulders slumped slightly in failure. The Fisherman is now walking away.
SPEECH BUBBLE/FISHERMAN - idiot bysgota ddyn
SPEECH BUBBLE/AQUAMAN - *sigh*... Never mind...
4-- Aquaman is now swimming past the Severn Bridge some time later, having given up and deciding to leave. There is a prominent sign at the end of the bridge that says "Welcome to Wales", with "Croeso i Cymru" just below it on the sign. Ah, Bilingualism!
SPEECH BUBBLE/AQUAMAN - I can't believe the tip-off I got was wrong...
TEXT BOX - FIN!*
TEXT BOX/EDITOR - AHA! ANOTHER PUN!
The bottom of the ocean. Aquaman sits on a coral reef, chin resting in his hands, sulking. A large fish swims towards him.
FISH: Hey, Aquaman.
FISH: Aquaman, hey!
Aquaman ignores the fish. The fish shouts louder.
Disgusted at being ignored by the King of the Seas, the fish swims away.
FISH: How rude…
Mera swims towards Aquaman, looking worried. Aquaman continues to sulk.
MERA: Orin… what is it?
AQUAMAN: I’m fed up, Mera. Everyone treats me like a joke.
Mera sits on the rock and tries to comfort her husband. He’s not easily consoled.
MERA: They don’t treat you like a joke.
AQUAMAN: Yes, they do. I’m just the guy who talks to the fish. I can’t turn on the TV without someone making an Aquaman gag. Seinfeld, The Simpsons, South Park – even the Barenaked Ladies did that song about me summoning fish to the dish – I’m sick of it!
Close on Mera, a caring expression on her face.
MERA: Come on, Orin… it could be worse.
Close on Aquaman, incredulous.
AQUAMAN: Yeah? How!?
Aquaman and Mera are still sitting on the coral reef, but we see them from behind in this panel. Mera puts her arm around her husband. They haven’t noticed yet, but a rotting shark carcass is swimming towards them.
MERA: Imagine if you could only talk to dead fish…
CAPTION: TO BE CONTINUED – IN 'BRIGHTEST' DAY…
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
1. We see an underwater town. It’s like an Atlantean wild west town, and there’s no one around.
Caption: Some horrors leave their imprints on the earth.
Caption: You see the soil after a battle and it is ripped apart with the anguish of souls and minds.
2. Aquaman is walking through the ‘main street’ of the town. We only see part of his body in this panel but we can clearly see that he has a harpoon instead of a left hand. There is a red light coming from down the street on the right between two huts.
Caption: There is a change that violence makes on the world and it can rarely be undone.
Caption: What is destroyed cannot so easily be replaced by something new.
3. Aquaman is walking towards the red light coming from down the street. We can see the determination on his bearded face.
Caption: The scar is forever. The reminder is eternal.
Caption: What would be the opposite of violence? Creation? I doubt it.
4. Aquaman walks up to the structure that is emitting the red light. It is a massive red coral structure that’s part Cronenbergian mess and part Dali-esque children’s play equipment
Caption: One man’s black will always be another’s white. Duality is what makes the world work; yin and yang, night and day, air and water …
5. While bearded Aquaman looks at the red structure another Aquaman, a clean shaven and more pure Aquaman comes walking around from the side of the structure. He seems to have a strange cruelty in his eyes, even though he’s smiling.
Caption: It’s by having differences that we forge the world.
Caption: Even if that difference is good and evil. It’s a breeding ground for heroes and villains, the myths we learn from. The legends we become, and destroy.
Bearded Aquaman: Hey, stranger.
Caption: Because one side will always have a time of dominance. The vacuum of peace is only the brief interlude between more struggle. That is the truth, and the lie.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The following takes place in current continuity, shortly after the happenings of Blackest Night.
1. Close up of Aquaman’s non-bearded face. So close, that we can only see the beginnings of his hair line at the edge of the panel. He is looking straight ahead, a look of worry on his face.
CAPTION: “I have a problem.”
2. A wider shot of Aquaman now. We can see his whole body, and he is standing in a sandy place. They are in a desert in Texas. We can see that Aquaman has his back to a stalagmite, with his arms tied behind his back. He is being held in place by a large, metallic device.
CAPTION: “I’m trapped, 50 miles away from the nearest body of water...”
3. This panel is shown from behind Aquaman. We can see the side of the back of his head, as well as the stalagmite he is tied to, at the left of the panel. Taking up a majority of the panel is the man who has tied Aquaman up - Captain Demo (Captain Demo is a villain who dresses as a pirate and has a hook for a hand. You can see a confusing image of him here). Captain Demo is holding his hooked hand up high, with an evil smirk of triumph on his face.
CAPTION: “...meaning I cannot use my powers to call on any sea creatures to help me.”
I have you now, Aquaman.
4. Same panel as above, however the smirk has gone from Captain Demo’s face. He is looking around confused. The ground is shaking, as if there is an earthquake
CAPTION: “But that’s not my problem.”
5. A simple panel showing a close up of Captain Demo’s feet. There are cracks in the earth between them.
CAPTION: “My powers...”
6. The largest panel of the page. It shows the fossilised skeleton of a plesiosaur bursting through the ground. In its teeth is the screaming Captain Demo, blood seeping from his mid section from where the teeth of the ancient dinosaur have sunk in. It should be a jarring and horrific scene.
CAPTION: “...they’re my problem.”
*Editor’s Note – Plesiosaur fossils have been found in Texas. Researchin’ Rosenthal.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
FRAME 1- Aquaman stands in the classic superhero pose, with a whale above him.
Caption: Greetings friends, I am Aquaman, lord of Atlantis and defender of the seas.
FRAME 2- Aquaman is now stood like Sean Connery era James Bond, raised eyebrow and smug grin with mermaids draped over him.
Caption: Loved by his friends...
FRAME 3- Aquaman is poised Matrix style, wielding a trident against agents dressed in scuba gear (but also with sunglasses)
Caption: Feared by his enemies
FRAME 4- Aquaman is drinking a cocktail and wearing sunglasses.
Caption: But he also knows how to have fun!
FRAME 5- Aquaman is in the Justice League watchtower, surrounded by Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and other assorted annoyed superheroes. He is drooling in a very unattractive manner.
Aquaman: I am always ready for duty!
Caption: I shall call this adventure "The Adventure Where I Learned To Adjust My Sleeping Patterns In Space"
1. Aquaman, swimming at maximum speed, heading down, into the depths of the ocean, unadulterated fear playing across his face. The water is dark; murky, unnaturally so - and chunks of debris are drifting with the currents.
Aquaman is a character owned by DC Comics.
Friday, July 9, 2010
And there's the Punisher - you know, psycho dude who kills people for a living?
He's quite certain you'll be more than willing to end his life - considering the grief he's given you in the past.
Perhaps you'll remember him best as the Big Man.
Spiderman has four arms and eight legs. He has a painful expression on his face as half his arms are gripping the other half.
Spiderman: Ow! Cramp! Cramp!
Text: What if...Spiderman was a bit more literal?
Spiderman is wearing a tie and a bowler hat. He is patiently waiting behind a white van in the middle of stereotypical London traffic.
Text: What if...Spiderman was British?
Spiderman shakes his fist as Mr Fantastic's arm stretches around to grab a cup of sugar.
Text: What if Mr Fantastic was Spiderman's neighbour?
Stan Lee looks petrified as he sees Spiderman on his roof, contract and pen in hand.
Text: What if...he was real...and he wanted his cut?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Spidey is battling Sandman on a beach. He leaps over him and kicks him right in the face, smashing sand everywhere.
SPIDEY: HEY, MARKO, I JUST KICKED FACE IN YOUR SAND!
CAP (Spidey): With great power comes great responsibility, that’s the lesson I learned from my Uncle Ben…
Aunt May is waiting in her kitchen with her husband Jay and a big home-cooked meal… staring out the window, wondering when her nephew will arrive.
AUNT MAY: WHERE IS THAT BOY NOW?
Spidey is battling the Kingpin. Kingpin has an enormous hand round Spidey’s throat and is pummelling him into the wall.
SPIDEY: OH, AND BY THE WAY - YES, WILSON, YOUR BUTT DOES LOOK BIG IN THAT!
CAP (Spidey): The one thing Uncle Ben never did tell me though…
At Peter Parker’s apartment, his flatmate Michelle Gonzalez is up a ladder painting the ceiling. She’s in a bad mood because she’s having to do it by herself.
MICHELLE: ANOTHER BROKEN PROMISE, PETE – YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS…
Spidey is battling Doc Ock, wrapped up in his tentacles.
SPIDEY: THAT'S IT, OCKY, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU FOR A BIG MANLY HUG!
CAP (Spidey): …was how to choose between all my different responsibilities.
J Jonah Jameson sits behind his mayor’s desk, looking furious. It doesn’t really matter what he’s screaming about – he’s JJJ, that’s just what he does.
Spidey swings up in Mysterio’s face, pointing right into his goldfish bowl head.
SPIDEY: OOH, WAIT, MYSTERIO - NEW JOB OPP – GALACTUS NEEDS A ROLL-ON DEODORANT! YOU'RE A SURE THING!
CAP (Spidey): So – who am I gonna have to let down today? Aunt May, Michelle, Jonah…
A comedy writer sits in his office, surrounded by stacks of scripts, notepads, reference books, a computer, toys, and all the usual writer’s junk. He’s scribbling a new idea in his notebook. Behind him on the wall are a number of photos of the writer with famous comedians or TV hosts – Jerry Seinfeld, David Letterman, Larry David, Bill Cosby, Woody Allen… plus one with the writer and Spidey together. Scattered on the floor all around him are screwed up balls of paper - rejected joke ideas.
CAP (Spidey): …or that guy I hired to write me some fresh material…
WRITER: “ELECT…RO?” WHO’S THIS ‘RO’ GUY AND WHY WOULD I WANT HIM RUNNING MY COUNTRY…?
WRITER: NO, THAT’S TERRIBLE. HOW ABOUT… HEY, LIZARD, YOUR MOMMA EATS FLIES!
WRITER: PAGING NORMAN OSBORN – THE CORNFIELDS OF IOWA WANT THEIR HAIRCUT BACK...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Ideally, each panel would be illustrated by a different artist.
The following does not take place in current Spider-Man continuity, but could have if things had happened a little differently.
1. A recreation of the classic panel from Amazing Fantasy #15 of Peter with his mask off, hand to his head and tears streaming down his face as he realises that he could have stopped the bank robber and saved Uncle Ben (Click here for reference).
CAPTION: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
CAPTION: “I’ve lived by this mantra for almost half of my life.”
2. Spider-Man is swinging away from an explosion, an unknown elderly lady in his arm. He has just saved her from whatever has caused the explosion. A Golden Age look here would be great.
CAPTION: “With the powers I have, it’s my duty to help those who need it.”
3. Spider-Man is down. He is not in his traditional costume, but the black symbiote duds. He is on his back; painfully sprawled on the rubble of a building which has collapsed during whatever fight he has obviously just lost. His costume is in tatters. We see a majority of Peter Parker’s bruised face behind what is left of his mask. The mask itself appears to be falling off his face, not ripped or shredded, as this panel takes place when he was still wearing the symbiote. This should reflect that the symbiote has also been knocked out.
CAPTION: “Truth is, I always knew that one day that power would not be enough, and I would fall.”
4. A classic shot of Spider-Man fighting against the original Sinister Six – Kraven the Hunter, The Vulture, Electro, Mysterio, Sandman and Doctor Octopus. Go wild here (although the cover to Amazing Spider-Man Annual #6 would be a great way to start!).
CAPTION: “Then you came along and changed all that. Now, no matter how hard it gets...”
5. Spider-Man is on his knees, wanting to collapse but not allowing himself to. One hand is supporting his weight, while the other is at his head, trying to shake off the beating he has just received. In the foreground is the Green Goblin on his glider, laughing manically. This should look as if it takes place in the modern day.
CAPTION: “...Or how much I want to just give in, I won’t because I know you’re waiting for me.”
6. Spider-Man is fighting back against the Goblin, punching him with the last ounce of strength that he has. The Goblin is being knocked off his glider by the force of the blow. It is a triumphant shot.
CAPTION: “So while with great power comes great responsibility...”
7. A nice panel of Peter in his everyday clothes sitting on the floor of his home. He has one arm in a sling and a bandage wrapped around his forehead. In front of him is a pile of building blocks that a young child may play with. On the opposite side of those blocks, and with some blocks in her hands, is a 9 month old May Parker. Peter is looking down at his daughter adoringly, with a smile on his face. It is a smile filled with love, pride and contentment.
CAPTION: “...With a great responsibility comes great power.”
Not to sound like a sap (but I will), I am dedicating this to my daughter Parker, who was my inspiration for this script.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Caption: A problem shared is a problem halved, isn’t that what they say?
Caption: It takes two to tango.
Caption: Two’s company, all that jazz.
2. Spider-Man is in a mirrored pose on the window ledge of the Nelson, Murdock, & Blake law agency. His shoulders are slumped as Foggy Nelson has an unsure look on his face and is shrugging because he doesn’t know where his good friend is either.
Caption: Everything is better when there’s two, Prince Adam and Cringer, pizza and beer, Han and Chewie, peanut butter and chocolate, Scorsese and De Niro.
3. Spidey is looking up into the eyes of Beta Ray Bill, Skuttlebutt looms in the background and there’s a shackled alien on the ground with some blood dripping from what might be its nose.
Caption: I guess, sometimes you just don’t know how to ask or even explain yourself so you stay quiet.
Caption: It would just be awkward for everybody; me, him, whoever we went up against.
4. Spidey is running away from the Punisher’s back. Punisher is busy shooting some goons in the back of the head as they run away from his front. This could either be really gory or just for laughs, however you play a goon getting shot in the back of the head for laughs…
Caption: And sometimes you realise that it’s best to never ask because the person might just say yes.
5. Spidey is perched on a bedside stand in a simple room; Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, has her bedside lamp on as she sits in bed.
Black Widow: You thought it would be a good idea to come to me for a team up?
Spider-Man: I just don’t really want to go through tonight alone.
6. The same panel as before but now Spidey looks just that bit sadder, he’s on the other side of the bedside stand, sitting, leaning against it, and his head is down. Natasha is reaching a hand across for him to pat him on the shoulder and has a look like she’s just caught her father crying in the tool shed.
Natasha: I don’t know what you’ve heard, but, uh, you’re not going to try and make a move on me are you?
Spider-Man: I’m just so lonely.
Natasha: Yikes…I don’t think we should even touch.
What's got Spidey so sad, dear reader? Well, you'll have to turn the page to find out. He's in a dilly of a pickle and I don't even think a night with the Black Widow is going to cure what ails him.
He needs no introduction. He is arguably the world’s most popular superhero. He’s certainly easier for the average reader or movie-goer to identify with than the lone survivor of an alien race or the grim millionaire vigilante. He is the everyman superhero with feet of clay. He makes mistakes, he lets people down, he catches the flu and breaks his arm and loses his temper… and there’s nobody more unlucky in love.
And yet, he never stops trying. When life gives him lemons, Peter Parker makes the sweetest lemonade you’ll ever taste. He never forgets the fundamental lesson his Uncle Ben taught him, that with great power comes great responsibility. Spider-Man is an inspiration to us all…
I certainly hope he’ll provide plenty of inspiration to my fellow thoughtballooners this week.