Saturday, January 22, 2011

Ben Reilly - Steal My Kisses - Danial Carroll

[It should be noted that I have not read any Spider-Man, and know next to nothing about the Clone Saga, so if this does not fit anywhere within continuity, let's just pretend it's an alternate reality or something :P]


PAGE ONE (seven panels)


PANEL 1. Ben Reilly, wearing the standard Spider-Man costume, is perched atop a building, looking down at the street below.

CAPTION:
Before you judge me for what I'm about to do, let me ask you a question...


PANEL 2. From down at street-level, Peter Parker and Mary Jane are walking happily along, arms wrapped around each other. In the background, we can see Ben atop the building.


PANEL 3. Close-up of Peter and MJ. Peter's spider-sense is flaring, to which he looks rather inconvenienced. MJ is rolling her eyes.

MJ:
Let me guess...


PANEL 4. Peter is running into an adjacent alleyway, pulling his shirt open. MJ is just standing where she was.

PETER:
Sorry, MJ.

MJ:
...


PANEL 5. Spider-Man has lowered himself, upside-down, next to MJ. She is smiling.

SPIDER-MAN:
One for the road?


PANEL 6. Close up of Spider-Man and MJ kissing.


PANEL 7. Same view as the previous panel, except the two have pulled apart. Between them, in the background, down the end of the alley, we see the real Spider-Man swinging up off the ground.

CAPTION:
Could you ever just walk away from the one you love?


8 comments:

  1. From a script point of view, this is great. You have described the panels very, very well. Paints a clear picture in my head, and they looked really good.

    My only issue is the characterisation of all involved, but you stated at the start you were going out on a limb, so I'm not going to beat you up about it.

    But I would dearly like to :P

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  2. We can't all be die-hard Spidey fans :)

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  3. We won't be with that attitude :P

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  4. I really like this script. It's fun and playful, and the situation itself is pretty funny.

    Maybe not something that fits perfectly in continuity, but I think it would be right at home in a more all-ages or one-shot story.

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  5. I love what you've done with this. It's humorous, yes, but it also hits pretty hard in a way that really makes me sympathize with Ben, even if he is stealing some of MJ's kisses away from Peter.

    I think the last line says it all, and shows how this could really work nicely as part of a larger script taking a look at the problem of having someone's memories but not actually being them. Granted, it's not a new idea, but it's hardly the most cliche plot device out there.

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  6. Ugh, Danial - so simple and yet so effective. Yopu've captured the heart of Reilly, without going all bleeding heart in your script, and you've made me believe, yet you've not belabored the point.

    This page works so effortlessly and easily. I am in awe, well done, man. This is why you're a tenure, you've got the gift. Damn.

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  7. Oh, and continuity be damned. DAMNED.

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  8. I'm with Ben on this.

    But then, I would be.

    That said, it's an effective piece - playful, yet with a tense, dark undercurrent... and actually, if the real Clone Saga had followed this path, it might have been much more interesting.

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