Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Blue Beetle - Deep Blue Something - Max Barnard

The Premise: Okay, so with Blue Beetle a lot of what could be covered with his family, his powers and his scarab has already been covered, he's out of the teen titans, and is basically an ancillary character at present. This would normally be something crippling to a script, but in actuality an interesting situation is created, where that can all be left behind, or stay as it is, and we can take Blue Beetle on adventures far removed from his comfort zone.

And so here we are, with a character that can be sent anywhere now for all new adventures. So my premise here is to send Jaime to as many unusual locations in a series of done-in-one stories, starting with one of the most unusual environs to throw him into: The bottom of the sea. This page joins the story in progress, with our protagonist in a deep, dark part of the ocean, scanning for the anomaly that had originally set him on his new quest.

Nothing ground-breaking, just unusual and, hopefully, fun.

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#.1
Blue Beetle is standing on the ocean floor, in a vast empty circle of jagged, tooth-like rocks (which also just happen to be the teeth of a giant fish-robot, hidden under the ground). There are a few exotic fish darting about in the background, all outside of the 'mysterious' circle.

Khaji Da(caption): We are here.

Jaime Reyes: Are you sure? Because if I'm honest here I'm getting a little sick of this wild goose chase!


#.2
Blue Beetle is gesturing wildly with his arms and pacing inside the circle as he talks to Khaji Da.

Khaji Da(caption): There are no geese here. This is the correct location, Jaime.

Jaime Reyes: Then show me where!


#.3
Close-up on Beetle's face as he looks disgruntled.

Khaji Da(caption): You are standing in the precise co-ordinates.

Jaime Reyes: Well I don't see any--


#.4
A very crooked close-up of Jaime looking as everything around him (including the panel?) shakes.

SFX: RRRRRRRRRRMMMMB

Jaime Reyes: WHA?!


#.5
A shakier version of Panel 1, except now the teeth are coming together, revealing the gaping maw of the fish-robot, rising out of the ground to swallow Jaime whole. Jaime is looking around in the centre of this giant mouth, shocked by the sudden reveal.

Jaime Reyes: OH, COME ON! NOT COOL!

4 comments:

  1. Max, this is a good page but feels like it is missing something vital in the first 3 panels. I know we are there to set up the giant-fish-robot-monster-thing, and the first panel did that wonderfully, but then panels 2 and 3 needs something more. Maybe Reyes can kick a rock, or something...interact more with the mouth before we find out it's a mouth. He could say something like, "what, you want me to attack the ground" and then shoot the ground, that sort of thing. I don't have a solution, sadly, but I know it needs more.

    The final line, that's great.

    Also, "Then show me where" feels like an awkward line. Perhaps revise.

    I like this use of BB underwater, that's cool.

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  2. I thought this was a nice fun read. I can see what Ryan's suggesting, but I kinda took it that you'd have set some of this up in previous pages (which I suppose is always a convenient get out when writing a middle or end page). I agree about the "show me where" line though. Otherwise, this made me smile.

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  3. I really dig the concept you've come up with, Max. I would love to that series! I have to concur on the "show me where" line, but I also have to agree with how great the last line is. All in all, a solid script

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  4. Good job pointing out that Blue Beetle is a character that can work in an infinitude of different settings.

    Also, I don't know why, but I would think that the Scarab would be freaked out by being underwater for a long time. It's basically a living computer, isn't it? You know it's shielded (or else he wouldn't be able to travel in space), but I think the setting would have the Scarab (and Jaime) on edge.

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