Saturday, April 2, 2011

Artifacts - Reclamation - Danial Carroll

A scientific research ship sits alone upon an endless sea.

CAPTION: Gulf of Mexico

CAPTION: The not too distant future.

Professor Avery is standing, looking over the shoulder of a technician seated at a monitor.

TECH: We've found it, Professor--the thirteenth one.

AVERY: I knew it! I knew they'd all be here!

Close on the face of Avery. He is looking very stern and serious.

AVERY: When they all came together, we feared the end of the world.

AVERY: Indeed, the energy build-up was immense...

From the POV of the monitor, we see the technician turning around to face the Professor. Several other curious crew members have grouped around behind him.

AVERY: ... but then, seconds before critical mass, they just...

AVERY: Vanished.

AVERY: I posited a theory--discounted by my peers--that has now been conclusively proven within these sediments--

We see a deep-sea rover, hovering above the seabed in pitch, inky blackness. It has a spotlight shining upon the floor, centered upon the Witchblade.

AVERY (OP): --of sixty-five million years.


  1. It feels like this week has been more about the grand ideas than the character work. No surprise there. Mine certainly was.

    The last line needs 'ago' on the end.

    This page works well as a build for an idea, but to put character into it you need to show what impact this find has on the characters, and then what they plan to do next.

  2. That's probably because none of us know the characters :)

  3. Yeah, a nice build and an intriguing use of the concept. I wasn't sure about the line "...the thirteenth one" - not sure the 'one' is necessary. But that might just be me.

  4. It is a great build to something...I'm just not sure as to what that something is.

    As for none of us not knowing that characters, isn't that one of the reasons we signed up to this gigt? Sure, the main one is to become better writers, but surely the appeal of being exposed to characters and writers that we would not have normally followed is a large portion of why we write what we write.

  5. Not me. I'm just here for the writing. I get all my character-exposure from Twitter and Comic Vine :)

    If you ever got a gig writing for Top Cow and they put you on Artifacts, I'm sure they'd give you access the their back catalogue for research purposes first. We here don't have that privilege, so if you don't know the characters already, you have to fudge it somehow :)


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