The following takes place after Uncanny X-Men #534. Emma has just told Scott Summers that she wiped Sebastian Shaw’s mind.
I am not usually one to describe the sizing of panels, but Panel 2 should be larger than the others. The final 3 should be all of the same size, and appear on the same line.
1. Emma sits in her bed, night ware still on. The bedding still covers her lower torso, with Emma looking nonplussed.
EMMA
Scott darling, it’s not that big of deal.
Scott darling, it’s not that big of deal.
2. Scott Summers is standing beside the bed, also in his bed attire (I’m guessing just wearing boxers). He has his hands extended in outrage. Emma is slightly more animated than in the previous panel.
SCOTT (1)
Don’t patronise me Emma! Do you remember what happened the last time someone’s mind got wiped by a powerful telepath?
EMMA (1)
Oh please Scott this is completely different. You’re being a tad precious about the whole thing.
SCOTT (2)
No Emma. You made a drastic decision without consulting anyone. As your partner both privately and professionally you should have discussed this with me.
EMMA (2)
Just like you discussed the forming of a hit squad with me?
SCOTT (3)
That was a decision made to protect an entire race. The only person protected by your decision was you.
Don’t patronise me Emma! Do you remember what happened the last time someone’s mind got wiped by a powerful telepath?
EMMA (1)
Oh please Scott this is completely different. You’re being a tad precious about the whole thing.
SCOTT (2)
No Emma. You made a drastic decision without consulting anyone. As your partner both privately and professionally you should have discussed this with me.
EMMA (2)
Just like you discussed the forming of a hit squad with me?
SCOTT (3)
That was a decision made to protect an entire race. The only person protected by your decision was you.
3. Scott has turned away from Emma, his head slightly bowed as if he is finally saying something which he has known he would have to say for some time.
SCOTT
Just when I think you’ve turned a corner, you show that you’re still the same egomaniacal, self-centred person you always have been.
Just when I think you’ve turned a corner, you show that you’re still the same egomaniacal, self-centred person you always have been.
4. A close up of Emma’s eye, open wide in shock
SCOTT (off panel)
I think you should leave.
I think you should leave.
5. Same as Panel 4, however a tear is falling from the eye.
6. Same framing as Panel 4, but Emma’s eye no longer looks shocked, but hurt. Her skin has turned to diamond, the tear gone because of it.
Ben, read the lines of dialogue out loud. Then you'll see what words are missing, like in the first line. It needs one more article.
ReplyDeleteI like the back and forth of panel two, that works for me. It has good tone.
I hated panel 5, it didn't feel right, but it sets up panel 6 which I love so I'm torn. I guess, keep it. Just so Frost can kick Scott's ass. Ha.
Scott's third caption in panel 2 is also very good. Well done.
I like the idea behind this page, Ben. Script is good too, but for whatever reason - one I can't articulate, which totally destroys any of my credibility, I know - I just didn't like Scott's dialogue in panel 2 when he says: "As your partner both privately and professionally you should have discussed this with me." I think it's because I hate the word 'partner.' But, that minor, stupid gripe aside... nice work!!
ReplyDeleteThere are parts of this I love (the confrontation itself, the well-considered final panel) and parts I don't love. I agree with Simon about the dialogue from #2, but I had even more of a problem with the "you’re still the same egomaniacal, self-centred person" line. "Egomaniacal" is an extreme adjective, demonstrating Scott's anger... then he tempers it with "person" which is wet even for him. I'm not saying he should call her a bitch and have done with it, just that I felt he was editing his anger (or you were, Ben) in a situation where he really wouldn't do that.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this, Ben. I agree with what the others have said, so I won't reiterate :)
ReplyDelete