Saturday, April 16, 2011

Green Wake - Coming Down - Danial Carroll

Morley sits at a table in a dark room. The only light is coming through a nearby window from a street-lamp outside. There is a bottle of whiskey and a full glass of it in front of him. He is staring at the glass, deep in thought.

CAPTION: Love is an addiction.

CAPTION: A drug.

Morley and Anna are laying in bed together, both staring happily and lovingly into each other's eyes.

CAPTION: When you're on it, it is the most amazing high.

Anna is on the telephone, curled up on a sofa. A small lamp feebly lights the otherwise dark room.

CAPTION: When you're not, you sure feel the cravings.

ANNA: Come home soon, Baby. I miss you.

Flashback scene of Morley, screaming as he holds Anna's lifeless body in his arms.

CAPTION: And when you go cold turkey...

CAPTION: Well, the withdrawal symptoms are instantaneous.


  1. This is a visual and atmospheric page, Danial... the only problem I had was with the narrator.

    The casual tone ("Well, the...") suggests the narrator is a character, I'm presuming Morley... but I wonder if anyone who'd been through a tragedy like this could look at the circumstances in such a coldly metaphorical way. If the narrator was omniscent or detached from the action then that'd work better, I think.

  2. I agree with Rol regarding the "well." You remove it, I think it becomes a more powerful - more ominous - final line. That aside, this is a good script, Danial; love the way you've used an established character from the Green Wake 'universe' rather than take the easy way out like I did. Nice one, man!

  3. Danial - I guess it all comes down to the intent of the narration. Is it ominous or is it matter of fact? Is it coming from someone who's been there and thus is imparting a lesson.

    I'm more inclined to say the start is what I would change. Instread of being so specific and literal maybe state "She was my addiction. My drug."

    That way you can say, "When I was on her (giggle), it was the most amazing high."

    Not a bad script though, really led to a great ending.


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