Monday, April 11, 2011

Green Wake - Out - Ben Rosenthal

Although I do like to give the artist freedom with my scripts, I am going to have to specify a layout for this one. The panels are grouped in pairs of two, so that 1 and 2 appear next to each other, as do 3 and 4, and so on. Panel 7 spans the width of the page, so it looks as if the panels are merging.

Colours are important here. May I suggest using yellows for Carl’s panels, and purple/black for Ariels. Similar colours can be used for the caption boxes, however Carl’s must be a different colour to that of Ariels.


1. A panel showing Carl’s head, looking down at something. There is kindness in his eyes.

CAPTION (CARL)
I’ve lost count of how long I’ve been here, but I think I’ve finally figured it out.


2. This panel is framed the same as Panel 1, but with Ariel’s head in the place of Carl’s. She is also looking down, however her eyes are emotionless. Blood covers her mouth and chin.

CAPTION (ARIEL)
I know a secret.


3. A man is lying in his bed. Carl is out of panel, however we can see his hand holding the man’s. The man in the bed is taking in his last breaths. His eyes are full of fear.

CAPTION (CARL)
I can’t stop you from going, but I make getting there easier.


4. Again, the panel mimics the previous. A woman is lying on her back in the street. She is covered with blood, with stab wounds visible on her abdomen. Ariel’s bloody hands can be seen in panel.

CAPTION (ARIEL)
I’m helping you. Setting you free. You would thank me.


5. Carl’s hand is shutting the eyelids of the elderly man.

CAPTION (CARL)
This isn’t Heaven. It isn’t Hell.


6. Ariel’s spidery fingers are close to the dead woman’s open eyes. It looks as if she is going to gouge them out with her bloody fingers.

CAPTION (ARIEL)
This is the place in between. I don’t like it.


7. This panel spans the width of the page, with Carl’s head on the left of the panel. His eyes are bright. On the right hand side is Ariel’s head, her eyes dark, almost lifeless. In between the two is a meshing of the different coloured backgrounds, showing that although they are in the same panel, they are in different places.

CAPTION (Both CARL and ARIEL. Perhaps have the caption box look similar to the warping background)
And I know how to get out.



3 comments:

  1. I was unsure as to if I should have left that last panel in. It caps off the script nicely, however if it was in an actual comic, it would be rather pointless. Thoughts?

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  2. Ben, this is one of your better scripts, mate. The dual quality of the page works, but it's such juxtaposed intent that gives it fire. I think this would come across visually well, definitely.

    As for the last panel, I'd say keep it. I like it when dual narratives get to the same place but with different intent and mode.

    I really like Ariel's voice here.

    In the first panel I'd lose the first 'I've', the sentence is punchier without it. Also lose the 'I think', it's always better when a character knows, low modality can suck a script dry, I know, I do it far too often, then hopefully excise it from my script.

    I like Ariel's line of 'I don't like it.' Kind of saddens the whole affair.

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  3. A real change of pace for you this week, Ben, and I think you've stepped up to a difficult challenge admirably. I also like the amount of thought you've obviously put into the structure of this page.

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