Monday, May 23, 2011

Alternate - Page Eight - Ben Rosenthal

Our own creation, huh? Could not come at a better time. The following is page eight of my graphic novel script, Alternate. It’s not heavy on action (surprise), but has events which are character driven (surprise surprise!). This page sets out to do two things – firstly introduce us to Nate and Phil more; to allow us to get a grip on both their sense of humour and how they relate to each other. Second, it gives us some background on the two, as we slowly become aware of their world

The following is some banter between the lead, Nate and his best friend/housemate Phil as they try on costumes for 'A Midsummer Night’s Dream'. However, this rendition of the Shakespearean play is set in the disco scene of the seventies. Yes, this play actually did happen to me.

Finally, I have complete dot point breakdown of the entire graphic novel and the first 20 pages written in script. I would be very appreciative if anyone would like to peruse these documents and give me feedback (as some already have – you guys rock!) Also, if there are any budding artists out there, please please PLEASE do not hesitate to drop me a line.

Enough self-promoting, here’s the page.


1. Nate stands next to a woman with a dry smirk on his face. The woman is slightly shorter than Nate, and is dressed in a way that we know that this is the drama teacher (ie. a hippy). Her name is Ms Lisane.

NATE: I dunno Phil. I think it fits the part brilliantly.

2. Ms Lisane is ecstatic with excitement, as if Phil’s costume is the most brilliant thing she has seen. Both hands are at her mouth as she exclaims joy. Nate is still visible in the corner of the panel, enjoying egging his teacher on, and enjoying Phil’s discomfort.

MS LISANE: Nate is correct, it is BRILLIANT. The chains, the wide open shirt to the flares! Oh, it’s like I’m 19 again!

3. Phil is looking extremely unimpressed. He is pointing to a rather ridiculously large afro wig he has on, complete with a little tiara (Think Luke Cage 70’s hair...but BIGGER).

PHIL: Must have been a lot of teenagers with neck problems when you were 19. Why is Oberon’s hair this big?

4. Same as Panel 2. Ms Lisane is even more excited. Nate is still standing next to Ms Lisane, eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face.

MS LISANE: Oberon is the KING of the fairies Phil. He must have a grand crown so all the other fairies know who is number one!

5. Phil is looking to the left of Ms Lisane. He is awaiting the obvious line from Nate.

6. Nate is looking at Phil, a smirk on his face.

NATE: Nah, too easy.


  1. Ben - this is a quiet and simple page, but I think I have a handle on four characters because of it. It works in that regard, especially the beat at the end.

    I see straight discussions like this as a six panel grid, no going outside the box for this one. Top marks for the chains and tiara of Cage.

  2. This seems strangely familiar...

    Not really much I can say that I haven't already. You'll be able to say the same thing on Saturday :)

  3. A nice little character piece. It seems to do a good job of providing some insight into the characters while also moving the story along.

  4. That was fun, Ben - I'd be happy to read more if you sent it on to me.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.