THE MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING
A JOHN CRAIS MYSTERY
PAGE TWENTY-TWO- 6 PANELS
PANEL ONE
Bradley Thorland is sprawled on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, unblinking, the detonator inches from his hand on the polished floor of his opulent penthouse. Not that the detonator's proximity matters. Thorland is dead. Blood is oozing from the back of his head. John Crais is kneeling beside the body, in the pool of blood, exhausted, slightly bruised and battered from his earlier confrontation. Nearby, where he dropped it moments before, is his cell phone. It's lit up, beeping.
Bradley Thorland is sprawled on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, unblinking, the detonator inches from his hand on the polished floor of his opulent penthouse. Not that the detonator's proximity matters. Thorland is dead. Blood is oozing from the back of his head. John Crais is kneeling beside the body, in the pool of blood, exhausted, slightly bruised and battered from his earlier confrontation. Nearby, where he dropped it moments before, is his cell phone. It's lit up, beeping.
SFX
Beep!
Beep!
*Panels TWO to FIVE are small and compact*
PANEL TWO
PANEL TWO
Front-on shot of Crais holding the phone, staring at the screen. He's holding back tears.
PANEL THREE
Now looking at the phone screen. It reads:
4 MISSED CALLS:
AMY
AMY
PANEL FOUR
John holds the phone to his ear.
PANEL FIVE
Now the tears are cascading freely. He's slumped to his knees, phone clasped firmly in his hand. John Crais, the hero of our story, the man of granite we've known him to be throughout this tale, is finally broken.
PANEL SIX
Now the tears are cascading freely. He's slumped to his knees, phone clasped firmly in his hand. John Crais, the hero of our story, the man of granite we've known him to be throughout this tale, is finally broken.
CELL PHONE
(small)
Hi, you've reached Amy Crais. I can't
take your call right now...
PANEL SIX
Pull back. Just blackness; and the lifeless corpse of Bradley Thorland and the sobbing John Crais. And in a call-back to the opening page, the issue ends with the same dialogue that began our tale.
CELL PHONE
(small)
(small)
... but if you leave your name and number,
I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!
I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!
CAPTION
End.
Sime - I'm not sure I know what's going on here, but I have the strictest faith you know exactly and it's that faith that makes me like the page.
ReplyDeleteThis is the biggest compliment I can bestow upon you.
The only thing I don't get is...if Amy is calling him then does he call her back instantly to get her voicemail message? Is she dead because he missed the call?
I love that final panel, it was only last night I was thinking about how much I wanted to write an all white panel with just the characters in it. It, too, would be a final panel. Ha, guess we think alike sometimes.
Do you have a wider knowledge of this character and story? If so, throw it up on your site, man, I'd love to peruse it.
Wow. Having no idea what lead up to this point, it still felt emotional. Nice work. I too would love to read more of this if available.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the nice words guys, I'll post some more on my site soon - then you can properly judge whether the ending works!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to echo the earlier comments. On its own, the script drips of character and intrigue. It hints at a whole whack of story that I want to know all about. Eager to see more when you put it up on your site.
ReplyDeleteI have nothign to say that hasn't been said previously. Great work man, I I look forward to reading more of the story!
ReplyDeleteThis has a really strong noir feel, Sime, and as the others have commented - even without knowing what's gone before, it still packs a powerful emotive punch.
ReplyDelete