There has been a plethora of excellent action scripts from the rest of the guys as of late. I have to admit, it has never been my strong point. With Ms Marvel, I saw an opportunity to give it a go. So here it is - it's not fancy, it’s not meaningful, it is what it is.
1. Manhattan is under attack. People both run and cower in fear as hundreds of robots tear apart the city.
2. A close up of one of the robots. In the reflection of its shiny ‘face’ we can see it is bearing down on two scared children.
3. The robot’s head has exploded.
4. Looking up from ground level from the children’s point of view, Ms Marvel flies overhead.
5. A shot of a street. Ms Marvel has just flung one robot into another robot with one hand. Both robots are in the process of exploding due to the impact. With her other hand, she is firing a blast at yet another robot, blasting a hole through its chest.
I can see where you're coming from with action not being your strong point. The script does feel weak for an action script and it does seem as if there's room for improvement, but what you have here isn't a bad effort.
ReplyDeleteProbably the best part about it is that you are trying to branch out and that you are trying to step into an area of comic that you admit is a weakness of yours, even though it's a pretty widespread part of comics, especially superhero comics that most of the thoughtballoons character choices are part of. So by diving in and trying to do an action scene, I think you're taking a strong step towards strengthening that part of your writing skills. :-)
I think this could fit on a page. First panel is half a page, or so. Then 2, 3, and 4 form a row of panels and the final planel splashes across the bottom. You imagine Quitely or Seth Fisher drawing this sort of thing, even Chris Burnham, and you'd have yourself a killer page. I think the flow of this page works, and the 3 middle panels just give one taste of the many quick action scenes I would assume are going on in this battle with Ms Marvel. I'm imagining she's just whizzing through and kicking ass with no time to chew bubble gum.
ReplyDeleteI think the problem with writing a pure action page for Thoughtballoons is that - fine as your effort was, Ben - there's not much to them on their own. Without the context and the build up, there's not a lot to comment on unless you imagine them inside a larger story.
ReplyDelete(That said, an action page has to be pretty damned spectacular to survive without ANY dialogue in my book... but I guess I'm old-fashioned that way.)