1. Splinter sits at a round table, crossed legged and addressing his sons – Leonardo, sitting patiently and attentively. Donatello is fiddling with a portable electronic device of some description. Raphael is sitting back, relaxed and Michelangelo is looking suspiciously at a slice of pizza as he holds it up to his eye.
SPLINTER
They seek to deliver a final blow.
LEONARDO
A blow, Sensei?
RAPHAEL
Yeah Leo, just like your leadership.
They seek to deliver a final blow.
LEONARDO
A blow, Sensei?
RAPHAEL
Yeah Leo, just like your leadership.
2. A shot of Splinter with a stern face.
SPLINTER
Raphael. 200 push ups.
RAPHAEL
But I was only....
SPLINTER
Raphael!
Raphael. 200 push ups.
RAPHAEL
But I was only....
SPLINTER
Raphael!
3. Back to the look of Panel 1, however Raphael is now visible doing push ups, and Michelangelo is looking very frustrated with his slice of pizza.
RAPHAEL (in a very small font)
Three....four....five...
SPLINTER
It is time, my sons that you are to learn a teaching of my Master. A technique I had hoped to spare you the burden of. The ancient way of the...
MICHELANGELO
ANCHOVIES! Why are there anchovies on my...
Three....four....five...
SPLINTER
It is time, my sons that you are to learn a teaching of my Master. A technique I had hoped to spare you the burden of. The ancient way of the...
MICHELANGELO
ANCHOVIES! Why are there anchovies on my...
4. Splinter looking sternly at Michelangelo, almost the exact same look he gave Raphael when he interrupted.
5. Same as Panel 3, however both Raphael and Michelangelo are now doing push ups, facing each other. Their banter is not the focus of the panel. It is done in a small font, as they do not wish Splinter to hear them. It is not angry banter, more the kind of ribbing two brothers would partake in – they’re trying to one-up each other. Leonardo looks alert, as though he has heard something in the distance. Donatello has looked up from his tinkering with a similar look. Splinter remains calm.
RAPHAEL
Thirty Seven....Thirty Eight...
MICHELANGELO
Three...four....five
RAPHAEL
Mikey, count quieter, eh.
MICHELANGELO
You count quieter, Bonehead.
RAPHAEL
Call me Bonehead again and you’ll be counting stars.....
LEONARDO
Sensei, did you hear that?
SPLINTER
Yes, my son.
Thirty Seven....Thirty Eight...
MICHELANGELO
Three...four....five
RAPHAEL
Mikey, count quieter, eh.
MICHELANGELO
You count quieter, Bonehead.
RAPHAEL
Call me Bonehead again and you’ll be counting stars.....
LEONARDO
Sensei, did you hear that?
SPLINTER
Yes, my son.
Ben - this really wasn't what I was expecting, but it rings true like I know none of my pages usually do. This actually feels like a real page from the real comic. I like the build at the end, it's effective and is made more serious to a degree by the comical interplay throughout the page. I also like the jump cut to seeing both of them doing push ups, that's awesome.
ReplyDeleteI think for Raphael's joke to work at the start Leonardo should just say 'Blow', and drop the introductory article.Panel 5 certainly has lots of time passing in it but I like that depth of vision. It's something new.
The dialog between Raphael and Michelangelo feels straight out of the movies, but with the darker edge of the some of the comics in that final panel with Leonardo obviously hearing hundreds of Foot soldiers coming to attack them.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. I loved this TV show. A lot.
ReplyDeleteThat 'Blow' line gave me hours of strife. It still reads awkwardly. I wanted to show Raph's sarcastic nature, as well as his belief that he should be leader, and his strained relationship with his older brother to boot.
Likewise, I wanted to show the playful relationship between Mikey and Raph.
It was all about character for me this week. Glad it paid off.
A really busy page, but the page succeeds on the strength of that busyness. The mixture of serious and lighthearted works really well here. Really fun while still being really effective.
ReplyDelete