Monday, June 13, 2011

Dashiell Bad Horse - Earlier - Ben Rosenthal

1. A 22 year old Dashiell Bad Horse sits in an interrogation room. Both of his hands are handcuffed to the table in front of him. His clothes are ripped in places, with cuts and a black eye on his face.

VOICE (Off Panel)

You could be something, you know that?

Top of the class in Jeet Kune Do. Tours in the Kosovo War. You’ve got the skills, and you’ve clearly got the passion. But you focus it all in the wrong places.


2. Same as Panel 1, however Dashiell is being hit over the head with a telephone book.

VOICE (Off Panel)

Focused now?!


3. We are looking into the interrogation room from the other side of the two way mirror. Two men, who have their backs to us are talking to each other. They are watching what is happening within the interrogation room, with the cop whom just hit Dashiell questioning him. Dash is slouched over the table somewhat, partly due to the force of the blow with the telephone book. His hands are covering a majority of the handcuffs and chain which keep him locked to the table. He is looking up at the agent (3) whom just hit him, angry.

AGENT 2

You read this kid’s file. You’re still going to let Burns prompt him like this?

AGENT 1

I have to be sure.

AGENT 3

What is it that you want to do? Rob old ladies for the rest of your life? Become a homeless drunk and die alone in a gutter? Your mother would love that, eh?

What do you want to be?


4. Back inside the interrogation room, a closer shot of Dash looking up at the cop from the previous panel. However, he is holding his arms up, free of the handcuffs that had bounded him to the table.

DASHIELL

I want...

...to be like water.


5. We are back in the interrogation room. The two agents continue to talk while Dash is performing a Jeet Kune Do technique on the officer in the room with him. Agent 2 is now facing Agent 1, panicked. Agent 1 remains calm

AGENT 1

You should get someone in there to help Burns.

AGENT 2

He’s a psychopath!

AGENT 1

Indeed...


6. A close up of Agent 1. It is Special Agent Nitz.

AGENT NITZ

As I hoped.


4 comments:

  1. This would read easier if you named the agents from the start, I think. That would also help the artist greatly.

    I like the telephone book to the head. Would be a brutal panel, and I like Dash's unhandcuffing line and panel. That's a keeper.

    I'm trying to remember if Nitz' recruitment of Dash is actually shown in the comics...

    There's a few typos on here, Ben. I won't bore you with them.

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  2. I think this works really well as an opening for Dash: Year One, Ben. I like the pacing, particularly of the last two panels, and the "I want to be like water" line. In fact I like all the dialogue except for the "prompt" in panel 3. I dunno, maybe something like "goad" would work better there.

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  3. I agree that naming the agents would make it the script a little easier to follow, but the piece still reads pretty well. The dual focus on the conversation and the interrogation works really well. Nice look into Nitz's obsession.

    And yeah, the telephone book is brutal. And totally perfect.

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  4. Totally bad ass Dash? I approve.

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