Mild cheating, but I've edited panel 5 due to it being unclear. I hope this reads better. Proof of why a second pair of eyes is beneficial.
Three rows of equal size. The first two rows both have 3 panels of equal size. The seventh panel takes up the entirety of the third row.
Three rows of equal size. The first two rows both have 3 panels of equal size. The seventh panel takes up the entirety of the third row.
1 – Hal Jordan is standing in the doorway of his place on Oa. He stands sheepishly, one hand scratching the back of his head. The three other Earth Green Lanterns stand at his door, holding supplies for a small gathering of friends. John has chips, Kyle has cards, and Guy has beer. The shot is from behind Hal, focusing on the other three. They look to be varying degrees of unhappy and frustrated.
KYLE: What do you mean we can't come in? Jon hosted last week. This week is your turn.
HAL: Sorry guys, but my place is, uh, really dirty?
2 – Guy wears an expression of mock concern. His line of questioning puts Hal on the defensive.
GUY: Is the fearless Hal Jordan worried that we'll think less of him because of his slovenly ways?
HAL: Of course not!
GUY: Good. Because we already do.
3 – Focus a bit more on Hal. He is unimpressed.
HAL (1): Very funny, Guy.
HAL (2): You still can't come in.
4 – The three GLs, seeing that they won't win this argument, start to fly off.
GUY (1): Whatever. We don't need you and your weirdness. If you're going to be like this, we'll go over to Kyle's.
GUY (2): Without you.
HAL: Sorry, guys. Maybe next time.
5 – Hal stands inside his apartment, the door closed. He leans against it, incredibly relieved. It's relatively dark within. The panel is slightly tinged by a green light coming from off panel.
HAL (1): -phew!- That was close!
HAL (2): Completely forgot about the weekly get together with the guys.
6 – Alone in his room, Hal kneels down at the foot of his bed. He is looking at something that is off-panel. The green light is stronger, coming from what he's looking at. From this angle, the doorway from previous panels is visible in the background near the head of the bed.
HAL: I'll have to be more careful to make sure no one finds out about you.
7 – Later. Hal is asleep, wearing some ridiculous Green Lantern-themed pyjamas. He's also definitely wearing one of those pointy nightcaps. The previously unseen item at the foot of his bed is visible: a nightlight in the shape of the Green Lantern logo. It shines a bright green in the darkness, lighting up the room. Hal slumbers with a satisfied grin. No dialogue.
I don't get it. Hal has a night light come round once a week to hang out? Or it's there all the time but he didn't realise the others would find out until the last minute?
ReplyDeleteI do love the pointy night hat, though. That's an awesome image.
It would seem Hal's a kook, from our scripts this week.
The latter. That line of dialogue could have been more clear, so I've changed it around.
ReplyDeleteI figured a page about a Green Lantern who is afraid of the dark would be pretty funny. Admittedly, I did have some trouble putting the concept into practice, but I hope the change makes it more clear.
I was so sure there was gonna be a woman in his apartment that the ending caught me off-guard. Weel done.
ReplyDeleteA strong start to the script, but to be honest I didn't really dig the ending. I realise you were going for the humour angle, but it was just a bit too kiddish for my tastes. Still, the banter from Guy was great.
ReplyDeleteAw, that was surprisingly sweet. I've not read much of the Johns GL, but if that's how he's writing Guy nowadays (as one of the guys) I like it even less. Guy should be a jerk. He'd never go round to Jordan's for a beer. He'd go round to tell him earth only needs one GL and it sure ain't a square like Jordan.
ReplyDelete