Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Atomic Robo - Ancient Wonder - Sime McDonald

ATOMIC ROBO
ANCIENT WONDER
PART 1 OF 3



The following page ocurs on PAGE TWENTY, building up to the climax and the "to be continued" ending on PAGE TWENTY TWO. This script occurs in Egypt, within the Great Pyramid of Khufu. Robo and Jenkins have just escavated an Egyptian casket. Robo is holding onto a glowing sphere.

PAGE TWENTY


PANEL ONE
A tunnel-boring vehicle, blatantly marked with Nazi swastikas, bursts out of the wall, nautral sunlight now illuminating the burial chamber.

Robo and Jenkins, both dressed in traditional Egyptian garb, stare at the mechanical beast's spinning pointed, screw-like nose; Jenkins with absolute horror, Robo rather more unworriedly.


SFX
BOOM!

PANEL TWO
Robo and Jenkins share a look.

ATOMIC ROBO

{Sigh}
Nazis.
JENKINS

Unexpected.


PANEL THREE
Baron Heinrich Von Helsingard is clambering out of the tunnel-boring vehicle alongside several Nazi troops, all armed.

He is smiling smugly.


BARON HEINRICH VON HELSINGARD
I'll take that.


PANEL FOUR
Jenkins and Robo are nonplussed. Jenkins gazes at Von Helsingard and his troops with blatant disregard. Robo glances down at the glowing orb in his hands.


JENKINS
Robo?

ATOMIC ROBO
Relax. I got this.
PANEL FIVE
Atomic Robo holds the orb above his head, ready to crash it down against the earth. Beside him, Jenkin's eyes go wide.


JENKINS
Wait - - !






6 comments:

  1. I was expecting a Cosmic Cube-style display of power, but I actually like what you did more... though I have no idea what the consequences will be :)

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  2. There's an interesting concept in this page somewhere, I'm just not feeling it.

    Also, as much as I'm not a fan of Jenkins (he leaves me disturbed, personally, especially when I read B-stories such as "Once Upon a Time in Mexico". The man is an inhuman scary character with serious issues.), he doesn't ring true here.

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  3. Hey M.K,

    Fair criticism! Haven't read Atomic Robo so I'll admit I've no handle on Jenkins at all - and didn't want to load my page with exposition (like I did last week) in order to explain what the sphere is, where it came from, etc. But maybe I needed to! Or maybe the idea behind the script is just shit. Quite probably the latter.

    Cheers for the feedback though, mate! :)

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  4. So the end of the issue would be what happens when you smash the orb, right?

    Sime, a decently crafted page but nothing special. But I think you know that.

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  5. Solid page.

    It could have maybe done with opening up a little and playing on the consequences of the orb being smashed, etc.

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  6. An intersting page with an intriguing premise. It's well-written and has just enough to keep the reader engaged.

    I must say, though, that I think it would work better if Robo and Jenkins switched places for the page. Jenkins doesn't necessarily get a ton of screen time in the series, but he's always shown as near superhuman and seemingly always knowing what needs to be done, willing to act without hesitation. Therefore, I think it would make more sense for him to be in the process of smashing the orb and for Robo to be questioning the wisdom of the action.

    On the same bent, I don't think Jenkins should ever look on anything with absolute horror.

    Brian Clevinger has joked that Robo is Jenkins' sidekick, and I think this page would be perfect for showing that if the two swapped places.

    Unrrelated, but I must ask: why are Jenkins and Robo wearing full Egyptian garb? I'm dying to know.

    ReplyDelete

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