Friday, July 29, 2011

Captain America - The Best Laid Plans - Grant McLaughlin

So this seemed like a great idea in my head. I can't comment as to whether its translation to script form was successful. I will leave that for you to decide.

Four rows of equal size. Each row is made up of a single panel.

1 – A river at the base of a cliff. The water is littered with debris from a recent car crash. Boxes, broken pieces of wood, various supplies, and so forth are floating all over the place. There is also a large army transport truck that is in process of sinking – the items were obviously on the truck's flatbed before the crash. In the middle of all this are Captain America and Bucky, treading water. Captain America glares unhappily at Bucky. Bucky looks back at him sheepishly. No dialogue.

2 – Same scene. The truck has almost entirely sunk below the water's surface. Bucky looks towards it. Captain America continues to glare at Bucky. No dialogue.

3 – Same scene. The truck is gone, entirely submerged, although the many pieces of debris remain. Bucky looks back at Captain America, his sheepish grin now larger and his face reddening from embarrassment.  Captain America continues to glare at Bucky.  No dialogue.

4 – Same scene.  If anything, Captain America might be even less impressed with Bucky in this panel.

BUCKY (1): ...

BUCKY (2): So I'll be the first to admit that that could have gone a little better.


  1. I can't say for sure, but I think you're partially successful. It's not a bad joke, but I think all you really need out of this page is the last panel, possibly attached to the end of the page showing how the scene got this way. After all, 'Brevity is the soul of wit'.

  2. I think this worked perfectly well, Grant, and kudos for trying a more light-hearted script in amongst most of this week's heavier offerings.

  3. It works as a one page I think but may not work in the context of a larger story due to the lack of brevity (mentioned by MK). However, the structure of the page and its pacing ensure the humour in the situation is executed well.

  4. I think it would have worked better with only three panels, but I liked it.

  5. If I was Bucky I'd be waiting for a massive filibuster of a speech from Cap in this situation.

    I don't mind the pacing of the page. It could work as 3 panels, but you could also go for 5 and have an enemy soldier body float up to break the pace a little.

  6. I concur with Matt - 3 panels would have been great. This would be a great little Marvel Adventures piece...probably not with Mr Ryan's input, however :P


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.