Sunday, July 10, 2011

Thunderbolts - Worthy - Danial Carroll

*Layout*
[This page catches our would-be heroes in the midst of a massive battle in Central Park with various elemental demons (rock, fire, wind, and water). The Avengers have also been fighting, but have just lost their last man...]


PAGE FIFTEEN (six panels)


PANEL ONE
Songbird is in flight. She looks horrified at what has just occurred.

SONGBIRD: Oh, my god. Thor is down!


PANEL TWO
Songbird is now swooping down. Below her we can see the damage of the battle, both fallen heroes and demons alike.

SONGBIRD: Thunderbolts, we need to fall back.
SONGBIRD: Regroup on Man-Thing.


PANEL THREE
Juggernaut is plowing through a group of demons.

JUGGERNAUT: We're just gonna leave?

COMM/SONGBIRD: We're not going to win this. We have to find backup.

JUGGERNAUT: Who needs backup? I could do this all day.

COMM/SONGBIRD: Cain!--


PANEL FOUR
In the distance, Moonstone is landing, looking towards us. Silhouetted in the foreground we can see Man-Thing's hand reaching for Mjolnir.

MOONSTONE: Uh, guys? What's he doing?


PANEL FIVE, TALL
Full shot of Man-Thing, holding Mjolnir at his side. Small arcs of electricity are jumping to the ground and up Man-Thing's arm. Despite this, he looks his usual stoic self.


PANEL SIX, WIDE
Wide view of the scene. Man-Thing is in the center with the rest of the team circled around him. A few meters out, the mass of demons are surrounding them. Spreading out from the ground where Man-Thing stands is a web of electricity. Every plant in the area is now covered in arcs of such.

JUGGERNAUT: This is gonna hurt, ain't it?

GHOST: I believe so, yes.


[The very next page would be a splash of Central Park with a huge lightning bolt shooting upwards from the T'bolts assumed position, several of the demons seen shooting up within to convey a sense of power.]

4 comments:

  1. I love the concept, in theory (I'd have to look into how worthy Man-Thing truly is) my problem is that this should be a bigger moment, with kind of it's own page. You either should have ended with Man-Thing grabbing Mjolnir, or it just being lifted, or started with Mjolnir by his side, then a near-splash of Man-Thing standing majestic.

    Also, like when Beta Ray Bill picked Mjolnir up, he should have been granted some form of Asgardian costume.

    I, personally, would have gone with a good set of narrative caption boxes to either narrate what happens to Man-Thing as he brabs it ("His meaty hand strikes out to grip that which only gods and dwarf forgers have known." / "It feels comfortable, right." / "It feels like vengeance." - that sort of thing, made it a little purple perhaps...or I would have followed only one character's reaction to what they see. The page as it is feels like it has too many foci.

    Those are my thoughts...your mileage may vary.

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  2. Wow, that'll set the cat among the pigeons. (Whenever anyone but Thor picks up that hammer, the controversy rages.) Actually, considering my own story focuses on Man Thing too, I think we probably agree that he's potentially the most intriguing character of the bunch, and many kudos to Parker for beginning to explore his potential.

    The layout works for me, and though I can see what Ryan's saying, I prefer your execution to his suggested narrative (oh, and Ryan, "meaty" has to be the least appropriate adjective imaginable to describe Man-Thing's hand!) But I'm not here to critique Ryan's suggestions. I liked this, Danial, and I felt you had a good handle on the speech patterns of the various T-bolts.

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  3. I liked this one.

    The execution is solid and you provide a nice balance of the different characters and have a good handle on them all.

    I agree with the others with the notion that Man-Thing picking Mjolnir up needs to be sold more. It's a big moment, either a splash page or a page turn.

    Other than that one gripe this is all good (nice layout too btw).

    It's good to be back. Moving house is a pain!

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  4. A solid script Danial. I haven't read much of Moonstone since Ellis' run on T-Bolts, but is that how she speaks now? If so, pitty - I always thought of her as a more pompous, sluttier Emma Frost.

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