7 PANELS
1. Captain Marvel looks straight at the audience. You can smell the Ben-Day dots on him.
2. Captain Marvel walks past a street vendor selling hot dogs.
3. Captain Marvel grabs one of the hot dogs from the vendor. He does not pay. The vendor either doesn’t care or is afraid of him. Draw it how you like.
4. Captain Marvel throws the hot dog on the ground as he rounds a set of steps that lead down to the subway. His face should look a little cheeky here.
5. Captain Marvel is at the bottom of the steps, people are waiting around for their trains.
6. We look down the platform as Captain Marvel talks to us, while presumably walking backwards, and motions to the subway tunnel with his thumb over his shoulder.
7. Close up. Captain Marvel winks at the audience.
Captain Marvel: Hi, there. I’m Captain Marvel.
2. Captain Marvel walks past a street vendor selling hot dogs.
Captain Marvel: It’s true, I’m everything you want to be. I’m strong, handsome, powerful, and extremely broad in the shoulder area.
3. Captain Marvel grabs one of the hot dogs from the vendor. He does not pay. The vendor either doesn’t care or is afraid of him. Draw it how you like.
Captain Marvel: But what people forget is I have a 12 year old boy inside me.
Captain Marvel: And most importantly…
4. Captain Marvel throws the hot dog on the ground as he rounds a set of steps that lead down to the subway. His face should look a little cheeky here.
Captain Marvel: I am also inside that 12 year old boy.
5. Captain Marvel is at the bottom of the steps, people are waiting around for their trains.
Captain Marvel: Fear not, every other little boy out there could have a man like me inside him.
6. We look down the platform as Captain Marvel talks to us, while presumably walking backwards, and motions to the subway tunnel with his thumb over his shoulder.
Captain Marvel: All you have to do is follow strange men down subway tunnels.
7. Close up. Captain Marvel winks at the audience.
Captain Marvel: You’ll have a strange man inside you in no time.
If I waited I’m sure inspiration would have struck. I would have actually thought of a story for Captain Marvel, or found Captain Marvel in a story. But I’m a busy guy and I didn’t want to wait. I also found this incredibly funny (well, mildly amusing) and though it’s probably going to offend someone I’m fine with committing to the gag.
It's all so wrong, and yet it somehow works because since it's coming from Captain Marvel, and thus could genuinely be interpreted as being said in an innocent manner, making this an incredibly dark-humored wordplay page.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but wonder where his wisdom went to for this little bit.
Very funny, Ryan (that always sounds sarcastic when you type it, but I'm actually meaning it in this instance)!
ReplyDeleteSometimes gag scripts work. Sometimes they don't. But this one did, so nicely played.
First half of the script is awesome. I laughed heartily. However, I think you draw it out a bit too much. I would have left it at panel 4. The rest is just hammering home the joke, which it really doesn't need.
ReplyDeleteWow Ryan, just wow. What do I say about this page. It's bold that is for sure.
ReplyDeleteIf I'm honest I really did enjoy the page. As MK said it works so well because the lines Captain Marvel is saying could be played very straight and not for laughs as thats the kind of character Marvel is.
For me the best line came at the end of Panel 4 and could have been the logical out point, however I feel that taking it those extra few panels even though just hitting the same point paid off, just for the visuals of Captain Marvel winking. Good work buddy.
Dark, funny and clever. I agree with the ending hanging around too long but I liked it!!
ReplyDeleteI personally would have ended this at panel 5 (perhaps with the passers by freaking out at what Marvel is saying, or wondering who the hell he's talking to).
ReplyDeleteThe humour here is dark but the earnestness with which I imagine him delivering the lines made me laugh.
"You can smell the Ben-Day dots on him."
ReplyDeleteAmazing.
Seeing as I rarely write gag scripts the feedback was well needed, thanks lads. Brevity shall be my guide in the future. Though I doubt comedy will rear its ugly head for me any day soon.
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh, which was its intent, so in that it was a success. It was however ALL WRONG for the character. But that was the idea. You're a sick, sick man, Ryan.
ReplyDeleteI really could see this in some kind of "Strange Tales" like publication. Twisted and funny.
ReplyDelete