PANEL ONE
Entirely black.
Entirely black.
THUG
[off panel / no word balloon tail]
Relax, Gordon.
Close your eyes.
You're tired.
CAPTION
The smell of creeping rot in the walls mingles with cordite from his weapon.
Blood pumps out from his wound like oil from a ruptured pipe.
PANEL TWO
In the darkness we can make out the silhouette of Jim Gordon, propped up in a corner beside a window that provides no illuminiation, natural or artificial. His revolver is in one hand; his other is clasping his gut as blood pools from a deep gash. I'm in two minds about representing the darkness in this panel; perhaps graytone the entire panel? Or provide Gordon's outline in white?
CAPTION [1]
This is not how James Gordon wants to die.
Alone in the darkness.
THUG
[off panel / no word balloon tail]
This'll all be over soon, Gordon.
Let it happen.
Let the darkness take you.
CAPTION [2]
There is still so much to accomplish.
So much that must be done.
PANEL THREE
Lighting flares and the room is momentarily lit. Gordon's attacker is right in front of him; rake-thin, gangly, long serrated knife in his hands. Gordon has his revolver raised.
SFX
BOOM!
CAPTION
Gotham needs him.
PANEL FOUR
Another black panel, save for the SFX.
SFX
Click.
CAPTION
The dead man's click tells him the city has forsaken him.
THUG
Hahahah!
PANEL FIVE
Similar panel as #2. The silhouette's of Gordon and the thug are visible. But now the thug is closer, leaning over Gordon, knife inches from his throat.
CAPTION [1]
Their relationship was always a one-way street.
Gordon sacrificed all for Gotham.
Gotham gleefully took it from him.
CAPTION [2]
What did Gordon expect in return?
PANEL SIX
Another explosion of light as lightning flashes - - - revealing THE BATMAN, clutching the thug in a choke-hold, the knife falling from his grasp.
SFX
BOOM!
CAPTION [1]
Gotham may have forsaken James Gordon.
THUG
Gack!
CAPTION [2]
Its Dark Knight hasn't.
I really like this page visually, but thematically I don't feel it says much for Gordon's character. With Batman saving him, I feel he just comes across as a "damsel in distress".
ReplyDeleteEven though I have no idea if I'll even manage a page this week, I was kind of hoping to see what makes Jim great when not in Batman's shadow. Does that make sense?
It's a good point, Danial.
ReplyDeleteOn reflection, the script doesn't say much about Gordon at all; and you're right, he's the victim of this piece, which detracts from everything I mentioned in the WHY post.
I really just wanted an excuse to experiment with third person captions. Not sure I pulled it off as I hoped.
Sime - you've been writing prose again, haven't you?
ReplyDeleteI like these captions, Placed Jim into the lurid pulp world in which he so readily belongs. I like this page for it's trappings but it isn't great for Jim. But nothing says we must highlight the character of the week, just use them.
I'm in, purely because I think the next page would be Batman's POV and captions, and then we'll get the thug's POV and captions and I want to see you write all of them :)
I think Dan makes a good point, but I'm glad that you at least had Batman show up in time. I was worried when I started reading it that you might leave his fate in doubt or kill him off.
ReplyDeleteIt's a solid script but I, like the others pointed out, would have perhaps gone with something that shows Gordon's strengths as a character.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm not saying anything new here, it bears repeating that this is a solid script, but it is much more a Batman script than it is a Commissioner Gordon. At the same time, it's not like Batman hasn't come to Gordon's rescue before...
ReplyDeleteI loved the visuals of those opening panels, the blacks and figure outlines would look amazing on the page, so dark and noire, very fitting for this type of character and story.
ReplyDeleteAlthough others have said this doesn't show Gordon's strengths I have to disagree. I think this highlights how important Gordon is to both Gotham and Batman. Him and Batman have a relationship in which they both become so much more for having the other. Neither could do what the other does, but also neither could do what they need to without the other. So for me Batman having to step in when Gordon finds himself in the truly dark depths of Gotham just highlights this connection.
Nice visuals Sime. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteI can see both sides of the argument here - reading the story as is does feel like a Batman story starring Gordon, but when looking at the subtext it is definitely a tale about the relationship between Gordon and Gotham. Well picked Shaun.