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1. The Doctor stands on a street corner, we are looking up at him from below. His scarf blows in the cold NY breeze and he looks off across into the city. Above him, we see the street signs of 1st Ave and E 9th St. He looks heroic, ready for action.
Caption: ...Where is the good doctor?
Ugh, I actually did it. What a bad joke. But y'know what, I actually managed to place this page into a larger context of a story. It's about a group of bounty hunters tracking Who down. Why? We don't know yet, this would still be the first issue. We'd find out eventually but for now he's being hunted and he's also looking for a lost necklace that was for sale at an auction house in NY and instead, the next morning, the entire hall was found with dead people and the only thing missing was the necklace.
The joke on this page then still remains kind of stupid but it's not the only reason for the page. It's contextually placed into a larger and more engaging narrative and thus the goofy thrust is taken out of it. I'm aiming for smirks here, people, just a few smirks. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, and I was so lazy on this page because I've never, ever, watched Doctor Who and it looked like a hell of a lot of research and I just don't have time for unpaid research right now. I can only hope the next choice plays into my wheelhouse a little more naturally.
Total phoned this one in Ryan!!!!ReplyDelete
I would have had the whole page monochromatic (black and white) except for his Burberry scarf glowing in gold and purple.
See huge difference!!!!
I gotta agree with James here Ry (that's what I'm calling you from now on). But you know what, if I had a new book deal I would be phoning it in too....or just not putting one up and letting me win the competition we have going....ReplyDelete
James - that is why you fail. Ha.ReplyDelete
Ben - there is no way I'm letting you win this contest. NO WAY! But I have to say I didn't think this script was THAT bad. It's a standard final page of an issue splash and it's got a good joke to it. Did you guys get the joke? I bet Rol does.
I'd give this script about a 2.75 - oh, wait, that's pretty much what it is getting. Carry on :)
Fail???? It's burberry you chav!!!!ReplyDelete
Why don't you go back to being a bigshot Editor man!!!
By the way 3 stars is like
3 stars is the worse rating you can get! It's the 'theatre clap' of ratings. Under 3 stars, you know a person hated it, so had some kind of impression. Over three stars you get the opposite. 3 stars says 'I recognise that you wrote words, but feel neither here nor there about it'.ReplyDelete
Signed, 3 Star Rosenthal
Ouch this has a Mr Freeze vibe to itReplyDelete
p.s shoulda gone with the burberry!!!!
I thought Burberry was for chavs...?ReplyDelete
Sorry. Rol doesn't get the joke. He did try.ReplyDelete
C'mon, someone has to get it. It's really bad.ReplyDelete
Tell me, where's the Doctor?
Erm... in the East Village, Manhattan. I'm stood there now using google earth and I'm still missing the gag.ReplyDelete
Someone, help the man out, where's the Doctor standing?ReplyDelete
Now say it out loud.
I don't get the gag either sorry. At first I thought you were going for a Dr Strange thing, but he's on Bleeker St or something.ReplyDelete
Does Conrad Murray live there?ReplyDelete
Who's on First.ReplyDelete
I like the idea, but it's perhaps a little TOO subtle. You could have built a whole script around that.
Tardy to this party, but I gotta agree that that part is perhaps a tad too subtle - at least in a written script. I kept saying "1st Ave and E 9th St" and didn't get much out of it. Having it positioned so that only 1st Ave was visible might be more effective.ReplyDelete
But enough about that. I really like the idea you've got here and the page itself has kind of a nice mood going with it, so that works for me.
Where's the Burberry?ReplyDelete