(Page 2 - 4 Panels)
(All panels should stretch all the way across the page horizontally.)
Panel 1: Close up on ERIC O’GRADY as he lays in a bed out of costume. He’s just waking up and not quite sure where he is.
Panel 2: O’GRADY sits up and looks at the room around him, revealing that he’s in some kind of hotel room. One hand is on his forehead in a typical headache reaction. From what we can see, it’s pretty clear that he’s not wearing much behind his boxer shorts.
O’GRADY: I must have had one hell of a night…
Panel 3: O’GRADY sits up with his legs over the side of the bed as we get a better look at the room. The scene should make it clear that SOMETHING happened before O’GRADY went to sleep the previous night, but it’s really not clear what. There should be a very strong ‘it’s not what it looks like’ vibe to it.
The shades of the window are down, but on the floor around it is broken glass and other debris to indicate that something was shot or thrown through it and nobodies cleaned up yet. A few empty liquor bottles can be seen laying in a couple random spots. O’GRADY’s Ant-Man suit should be located somewhere in the room.
On the TV stand dresser is an open bag, though it’s not open enough for anyone to see what’s in it. A chair sits next to where the bag is, and laying on top of it and laying about on the floor right around it is a small assortment of SHE-HULK’s clothing, including both one of her leotards and small selection of ‘civilian’ clothing, though noticeably absent are any pairs of her footwear.
In a different corner of the room is the table and at least one intact chair, though the other chair might be elsewhere in the room and possibly broken apart as well. TASKMASTER’s cloak should be hanging from the intact chair, and the majority of his utility belts and most of his gear should be sitting on the table.
O’GRADY: Be a lot more fun if I could remember any of it…
Panel 4: Reveal panel of where SHE-HULK and TASKMASTER are. The panel makes it clear that A) They’re tiny, B) they’re outside somewhere (though where is unclear) and C) They’re fighting a lot of ants. Since SHE-HULK and TASKMASTER are tiny, the ants are a lot bigger than them, making them a major problem.
This is a single panel, though the focus of one half should be on SHE-HULK and her half of the fight while the other half should be focused on TASKMASTER and his half of the fight. Both look really angry but determined, and there should be a number of ants in the background behind them if they can be fit in order to make clear that this is NOT a quick or easy fight for either of them.
SHE-HULK is wearing a pair of battle-damaged jeans and a metal backpack in addition to her normal purple and white outfit. Behind her, an ant has gotten its mandibles around SHE-HULK and is trying to bite down (across?), though SHE-HULK is prepared for this. She’s standing on one leg, with one hand holding onto one of the mandibles and her other foot perched against the other mandible – for the moment, she’s keeping the mouth open, but very momentarily she’s about the push outward and split the ants head in two when she does.
With her other, open hand, SHE-HULK is holding one ant by its mandible and swinging it like a club in front of her. If there’s a way to make the ant have a look of terror in its eyes, it should have it. The result of SHE-HULK swinging her ant club in front of her is that two or three other ants have been knocked around silly and perhaps even thrown into the distance.
TASKMASTER is missing his cloak and most of his gear, though he still has his sword, shield, and a simple pair of belts that would help him carry them around. He’s standing on the back of an ant and has just made a clean cut through its neck. He’s using his shield to hold back an attack from another ant that’s trying to climb up on its now-dead ally and get TASKMASTER from the side.
SFX: (From SHE-HULK’s ant club and what it’s hitting.) WONK!
SFX: (From TASKMASTER decapitating the ant.) Sh-LURK!
SHE-HULK: I swear, when I get my hands on O’Grady, I will KILL HIM!
TASKMASTER: Not if I kill him first, Greencheeks!
(END PAGE)(Trust me, I DO have a basic story idea to go with this page which I will be more than happy to share if anyone is interested.)
Hey - SNAP! She-Hulk would be a great character to bounce of Eric...so to speak.ReplyDelete
That aside - wow this script is wordy! That is a lot of detail MK - is all of it entirely necessary? I'm no artist, but I could imagine that this would be a difficult page to draw.
I also found that the long descriptors took me out of the story rather than played into it. I don;t want this to sound like I'm attacking, I just was curious as to if all those descriptors are essential to the overall story you have planned, or you just wanted to paint a very detailed picture for the artist to follow. :)
Damn, that's some Alan Moore level craziness there. But it's only 4 panels and would totally fit with most artists. I'm just left wondering if it could have been decsribed in fewer words...maybe...I don't know...ReplyDelete
Overall, though, a decent set up and cool page. I could definitely see Bradley Cooper playing O'Grady.
I suppose I could have made an effort to cut down the descriptors. Now that you mention it, the last panel really didn't need to be described nearly as in-detail as I went with. I think the problem is that I at least like to think of myself as an artist on some level, even if I'm not talented enough that I could do it for a living, and when I created the scene I had a particular picture of what it could look like in my head and I just went to town writing it. I just didn't really consider that trying to write a description of the scene isn't that great a substitute for the image I've got in my mind's eye.ReplyDelete
For the first three panels where O'Grady is in the hotel room, however, the description of the scene is a lot more important, since those panels need to fit with a series of events that haven't yet been revealed to the reader and need to be set up in a way where, once the full story has been revealed, someone could come back to the page and be all "oh, yeah, I see how this lines up now!". So while I'll agree I could probably have stood to use less words even in those panels, there is a method to my madness when it comes to the description of the hotel room.
That's some detail there!ReplyDelete
I liked the page overall. It had a kooky 'when science goes bad' tone to it which I think would work well with Eric's character.
I wish there was a Marvel Team-Up book starring Eric and a rotating cast after reading this one.