Three rows of panels. The first row can be a bit smaller than the other two. The first row is made up of one panel, which takes up the width of the page. Rows two and three are each made up of three equal sized panels.
1 – Harry and Peter are standing opposite each other atop the bridge where Gwen Stacey died. It's nighttime, it's raining real hard, and there's enough lightning going on to really set the mood. Harry and Peter are both wearing their respective costumes. They've been engaged in a brutal fight and are both much the worse for wear for it. At this point, neither of them are wearing their masks. Harry is standing at the edge of the bridge, looking out towards the water. Any angle is good for this one, but maybe let's try an angled shot from above to really show off what's going on.
HARRY (1): I've done terrible things, Pete.
HARRY (2): Unspeakable things.
2 – Focus in on Harry. He's wearing an expression of pretty complete sorrow. He looks down at his upturned hands, almost as if he can see the blood he's referring to. Feel free to have water dripping from his hands to hit this point home if you don't think it's too much.
HARRY: I have so much blood on my hands at this point that no amount of repentance is going to wash it all off.
3 – Close shot of Harry's face. You don't need to have all of it – up to half can be off-panel. His eyes are shut tight. The sorrow remains, with maybe a bit of frustration thrown in for good measure. Peter, while still a bit off, is walking towards his friend.
HARRY: I can't sleep anymore, Pete. Every time I close my eyes I see the faces of all the people I've hurt. All the lives I've maimed.
4 – Peter has closed the distance between the two. He places his hand on Harry's shoulder in comforting gesture. If shown, Harry's eyes remain closed.
PETER: It'll be okay, Harry. We'll figure something out. We'll find a way to make things right.
5 – Harry has turned around to face Peter. He looks a lot calmer, almost eerily so.
HARRY: -heh- You're kind to say that, Pete.
6 – Without warning, Harry pushes Peter away. The momentum pushes him off the edge of the bridge. No dialogue.
7 – Harry is gone from view. Peter is on the ground, yelling towards where his friend was a moment ago.
Like Winter Soldier, I'm not sure how well this fits in continuity right at present. I think that Harry doesn't know Pete's identity right now? And maybe he isn't the Green Goblin anymore? Either way, this is what I'm offering for the week, so I hope you all don't mind.
I can see where you were trying to go with this Greg, and while it may not fit in to continuity at the moment, it could easily go in that direction so I wouldn't worry about it.ReplyDelete
The only thing that strikes me as a bit off in this page is Harry and Pete are very disconnected from each other. It feels like an impersonal page, where we should be feeling the closeness, and therefore the conflict between the two best friends. I really think Peter needed to talk to Harry more here to show that bond between the two.
Yeah, GREG, I'm with Brad. This...ReplyDelete
Anyway, my real assesment is, this page is pretty good. The final hook really damn well hooks. This is a set up to some heartbreak. I like it.
Why did I call him Greg?!ReplyDelete
Some of the imagery is slightly on the nose (a way around it would be maybe to reduce some of the dialogue in that panel maybe, the effect comes from doubling up).ReplyDelete
Other than that this is a nice and moody page.
Panel 3 has some great visual appeal in it for me, the tightly closed eyes really plays up this feeling of Harry not being able to shut anything out, as if he is haunted by his past. Those two final panels are fantastic as well and could lead into some really interesting places, if Harry was to die how much would Pete blame himself, and for it to happen so close to him could really shift his character.ReplyDelete
The only tweak I would suggest is the dialogue in panel 2, for me some of the words didn't flow quite right, mainly repentance, it has nice impact but I find myself fumble it with the flow of the rest of the line taking me out of the moment somewhat.
Overall though quality moody scene, which I really enjoyed,
It's a dramatic showdown of the kind only a proper Harry & Pete story can deliver and I can only guess at the fun 'n' games that might have led up to it. In many ways, it reminded me of the Maguire / Franco relationship as presented in the movies.ReplyDelete
I was a little unclear about the jump between the last two panels. Harry pushes Pete off / Pete is on the ground looking up. Did he fall all the way down, did he Spidey-land, what?
Thanks for the feedback, guys. Always appreciated.ReplyDelete
@Rol - Holy unclear pronouns, Batman! The "him" in "The momentum pushes him off the edge of the bridge" is supposed to refer to Harry, even though it could go either way as written. So Pete is still on the bridge, while Harry is falling.