Sunday, January 22, 2012

Harry Osborn - Wank - Ben Rosenthal


I don't expect any of you to get this. I don't expect any of you to like this. This here - this is for me.


All you need to know is that Harry Osborn likes coffee. Thank you Dan Slott!


1. Harry Osborn stands at the coffee machine at his work. One hand is clearly visible as he steams milk while the other unseen. The coffee machine is a La Marzocco Strada – fully manual. It is during the down time so it is not terribly busy. As such, Harry is taking orders as he makes coffee on the pinnacle of coffee machines. We can only see the backs of the customers he is serving – two obviously male men. Both obviously hipsters.

HARRY

Hey, how can I help you?

HIPSTER ONE

Yeah, I’m after a single origin but I only like my espresso pressure profiles through a Synesso Hydra Gen II.

HIPSTER TWO

Yeah, like do you have any alternate brew methods or are you happy being in the middle ages?


2. Harry’s customer service smile has dropped – he has dealt with these types before. However he still tries to carry on with his job.

HARRY

Today we have the Brazillian Canto Gallo through both Chemex or a Kenyan pea berry through siphon.

HIPSTER ONE

Is that it? And what do you mean ‘a’ Kenyan pea berry?

HIPSTER TWO

Yeah, is it even from a nano-lot? What’s the farm of origin?


3. Harry is grimacing now. He’s about to snap. The hipsters have no idea

HIPSTER ONE

Doesn’t it seem weird to you to be extracting a pea berry through a siphon?

HIPSTER TWO

Do you have any non-gm cookies? I hope that’s fair trade milk.


4. Harry’s left hand, which has been hidden behind the machine all this time, is now visible. On it he wear one of the purple Goblin gloves that he wore as the Green Goblin. He is pointing it at Hipster Two. Sparks fly from Harry’s extended finger as they fry the Second Hipster’s face. Harry wears a psychotic grin. The colour of the page has turned a shadowy green.


5. Harry is now standing on the bench next to the coffee machine, throwing pumpkin bombs into the face of Hipster One with his non-gloved hand. He looks even happier than before. The page colour is greener and a little more shadowed than the previous panel.


6. Harry is back behind the coffee machine. The last two panels were just Harry’s imagination.

HIPSTER ONE

Actually, I think I’ll just have a coke.

HIPSTER TWO

Is the ice for the coke run through your reverse osmosis filtration system?

HARRY

*sigh*

10 comments:

  1. You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd assume you either currently or used to work at a coffee shop. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dabble in coffee every now and then....

      Delete
  2. I like. Writing out your workaday rage is great therapy. I've been doing it for years. Good work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My first ever published script was all about the rage I felt at customers in my old retail job.

    There's a deep well of animosity and resentment there. Use it I say.

    Writing is therapy after all.

    Nice work!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know what's it's like, having to deal with those kinds of people. Harry has to be using a lot of restraint to be holding back here.

    ReplyDelete
  5. As a non-drinker of the stuff, the coffee-babble went right over my head, but it's clear as day that it's spot on. That veracity is what makes this fun little page work in my mind. Good stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent. It goes over most people's heads. Most people who know the terms are not aware of the full meaning behind the words, but like to 'name drop' them as it makes them appear cool. I wish to punch them in the life.

      Delete
  6. Thanks guys!

    Yes, these types of people actually exist. Poor, poor Harry.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Clearly writing what you know works for you Ben. Although I not a coffee drinker myself your knowledge and passion for it came through in what is a funny and slightly dark page. I love everything about this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hate these people and you having them die horribly, even just in an imagination, is my win of the week. Nice.

    Also, this dialogue is pretty tight, I really hated these guys.

    ReplyDelete

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