1. We are looking down the edge of a cliff. Dangling over the lip is Indiana Jones sans his trademark hat, panic on his face as he struggles to hold on to a vine. Indy is looking up at a figure whom has his back to us.
INDY
It doesn't have to be this way.
2 The person whom has their back to us is revealed – an adult Short Round. He wear Indy’s hat, and has Indy’s bullwhip thrown over his shoulders in a scarf like fashion, mocking his former mentor. Short round is holding each end of the bullwhip as casually as you may see an old fashioned lawyer holding his suspenders. He is standing casually over the struggling Indy.
SHORT ROUND
Why, what way would that be? The way of dying?
3. Looking back at Indy as Short Round continues to talk. Indy’s panic face has changed to a stubborn look.
SHORT ROUND
You shouldn't have a thing to worry about. Surely a man who has no trouble leaving a young boy at the mercy of murderers and rapists has no soul to fear for.
4. Back to the framing of Panel 2, however this time Short Round is leaning forward mocking Indy. He wants to be nice and close when Indy’s grip slips and he plummets to his death. Short Round wears a smile of vengeance – cocky and cruel.
SHORT ROUND
You died years ago, Doctor Jones.
5. Same as Panel 4, however Short Round’s face has turned to shock and panic as Indy’s hand clutches the bullwhip around Short Round’s neck.
INDY
Yeah?
6. Indy has a gruff, bitter and angry look on his face. He speaks through gritted teeth.
INDY
Then tell me I said ‘Hi’.
7. A long panel, showing the silhouette of Short Round in mid air as he falls to his death. Indy is standing on the cliff face, holding onto the vine with one hand, and his bullwhip with the other. He watches Short Round fall.
Ho boy! Now that is what I call a good use of pre-existing continuity! I love it when writers take something that was relatively unimportant to the main plot of a story and then bring it back in a big way. Short Round's revenge is about as big as I can imagine, and you absolutely nailed it here. Indy's last line is particularly great.
ReplyDeleteI really like that last line. Can totally see it in a movie, actually.
ReplyDeleteNot a bad page, Ben, not too shabby at all.
I love the idea of Evil Short Round, since every kid knew that Short Round was evil BECAUSE he'd taken the place that should have been OURS at Indie's side.
ReplyDeleteLoved the last line too.
It took me a while to visualize the action of those final panels, but I think I got in my head what you were going for. (In my initial reading, I thought Indie was standing on the clifftop, but I guess you mean he's got his feet wedged onto the side of the cliff to steady him as he pulls Short Round over).
Of course, the Spielberg in me wants to ask "wouldn't Indie have tried to SAVE Short Round?"
I like the concept but, like Rol, I have to wonder. . . wouldn't Indy try and save him?
ReplyDeleteWow Ben great concept and wonderful use of the character and preexisting back story. The back and forth dialogue was well written and paced, most notable Indy's last line was awesome. Panel 7 was also a great visual to end up, its a big moment and would look with that silhouette.
ReplyDeleteMy only problem is like Rol and Dan have said, I feel Indy would have tried to save him, even if he had failed, maybe he would have used his bullwhip to try and bring short round back in.
Great page over all though.
I have to agree with Dan, Shaun, and Rol. How'd the story get to the point where Indy views Short Round as Irredeemable?
ReplyDeleteExactly the response I was hoping for.
ReplyDeleteFor Indy to allow Short Round to fall, he must have done something pretty heinous.
In my mind, this is a 'Born Again' type story for Indy. A mysterious figure begins to tear Indy's life apart, even killing some of his former allies.
It can then be revealed that Indy left Short Round behind on one of his adventures, thinking him dead. As a result, Short Round was left in the care of savages who both raped and beat him. He grew up and survived by focusing on his revenge.
I dunno, I reckon rape is a bit beyond the family entertainment of Indy-world... and I still reckon Indy (and Daddy Spielberg) would try to save / redeem Short Round rather than just throw him off a cliff. Whatever he might have done in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteSimilar principle - would Steve Rogers just kill Bucky for all his Winter Soldier crimes?
@Rol - Good and valid points. Although different scenario for Steve and Bucky - Bucky was brainwashed. This would be Short Rounds own doing - a concious choice on his behalf.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but going by your narrative, Shorty didn't go evil of his own volition - his thinking was warped by the horrendous experiences he went through. I'm sure Indy would take that into account even if he didn't hold himself directly responsible.
ReplyDeleteI see your point, however my thinking is that Shorty made the decision to act the way he did. The opening pages would be Willie Scott being killed by the clichéd 'mysterious figure'.
ReplyDeleteWinter Solider had no free will. Shorty made the decision to attack Indy and torture him and his associates. To make that choice of your own free will makes you beyond redemption in my eyes, no matter your past.
Are we having a fanboy fight?
Nah. You won me over with "Shorty killed Willie Scott". But then I never really liked EITHER character.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I still think Mr. Spielberg would have something to say about it...
He lost all rights to bitch about anything when he included a CGI hamster in the opening credits of the Crystal Skull...even after he made the comments that he would only use CGI where absolutely necessary.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that was a hamster ;-), but hey, you did just kill his wife. I reckon he might have SOMETHING to say about that.
ReplyDelete