PAGE 21 - 3 PANELS
1. Madrox is getting a wicked punch to the face. His head is shot back and to the side, his neck is twisting.
Caption: There’s always a moment in any war where you doubt yourself.
Caption: Hate yourself.
2. We see Madrox standing above Madrox, one knocked down, the other tensed and breathing deep, ready to knock him down again.
Caption: Hurt yourself.
3. The large panel at the bottom – Madroxs surround the central two fighting, this is Fight Club and we need make no bones about it. The one Madrox is getting up off the floor and charging the other Madrox, the Madroxs around are cheering. The Madrox getting up is the one with the dialogue balloon.
Caption: It’s not how you get through it that matters.
Caption: It’s what you are ready to do next.
Madrox: Raaargh!
Sorry man, but this one has left me going 'huh?'
ReplyDeleteWhat are you trying to get across? That Jamie is punishing himself? Does he feel guilt over something? Or is this just a way for him to train? Or has he gone insane?
It's just really confusing and I feel needs a bit more explaining.
I'm not sure more explanation is needed. Madrox has a history of fighting it out with his own dupes and the Fight Club idea is strong. Of course, it fills your head with questions - why are they fighting, why are the other dupes cheering them on (since at least some should be trying to stop the fight), who's at fault here...? But that's the purpose of an opening page, to hook you in and get you asking those questions.
ReplyDeleteGood point. It didn't just grab me like Ryan's scripts usually do.
ReplyDeleteOh - and one of the reasons I got confused it because it is Page 21.
DeleteOh yeah - Ryan, wtf, man?
ReplyDeleteActually, the other question I was going to ask was "The Moment After WHAT!?" which might account for those first 20 pages.
In all honesty I loved this page. We come into the action late and leave early, perfect way to hook me in. Each panel has a beat and pushes us forward for the page turn.
ReplyDeleteFor one page it makes me ask so many questions and gives me no answers, sometimes I want that from a book I want it to one step a head of me. For it to make me hungry for me.
Also the idea of Madrox in a fight club made up of dupes is fantastic, it takes the ideas set up in Fight Club to the ultimate extreme, Jamie Madrox is Tyler Durden.
I like the visuals of this page and the concept but it's missing something. A solid page nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI get the impression Jamie is having a moment of crisis or doubt maybe and is punishing himself as a result. But I'm not entirely sure. Maybe that's where the disconnect is coming from.
Fight Club references are always a good thing in my book. The more the merrier, I say.
ReplyDeleteThese are some solid captions, Ryan. Jamie's words are terse, but incredibly evocative. I'm particularly fond of the "Hate yourself" - "Hurt yourself" parallelism.
@Rol - Forget the first 20 pages, I want to see page 22!