The Incredible Hulks in CHROMATIC KAFKALayout up to the artist.Panel 1: Bruce Banner is talking to Doc Samson on an earpiece while sitting against a wall. He's bunched up tight, pulling his legs close, fearful.Banner: DOC? I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.Panel 2: This one should probably be an inset in panel 1. Doc Sampson, coffee mug in hand, is looking concerned for his friend, one hand on the earpiece.Doc: ALRIGHT, FRIEND. THINK OF SOMETHING PEACEFUL. PERHAPS A BABBLING BROOK OR A--Panel 3: Banner is stressed and panicky, still talking to Doc, running a hand through his hair.Banner: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT. FROM WHAT I CAN PIECE TOGETHER, HULK WAS SCUFFLING WITH THE LIVING LASER OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT AND SOMEHOW THE COSMIC CUBE GOT INVOLVED AND NOW...Banner: NOW...Panel 4: This one should be big. Incredibly big. As many Hulks as you can fit in, of all different colors, all scuffling. We can see Banner in the back of the room, impossibly small in comparison. He is still cowering.Banner: NOW I'M THINKING YOU'LL HAVE TO SEE THIS TO ADEQUATELY UNDERSTAND.Banner: (smaller, like he's whispering) PLEASE HELP. FAST.
Full points on that title, Niel. I really like the idea you throw out here and your execution is pretty solid. My only complaint is that I'm not quite sold on the dialogue in that final panel. It strikes me as a little off and takes away from what's going on, which is a shame considering how good that reveal is.
Seems like a natural enough progression of the Hulk colors. I like. :-)
Grant: yeah, I'm not liking the dialogue in the final panel either, especially that last line.MK: Thanks!
I like the concept (and the last panel is a neat visual to end on) but, like Grant says, the dialogue lets it down slightly. If Bruce is panicked here then his dialogue should be short and to the point-- snatches of speech that he can't get out quite quick enough. Panel 3 and 4 go against that grain.
Great premise as well as solid and interesting panel visuals. For me having the final panel just reading Help or nothing at all would have been a better fitting place to leave off on that reveal. Nice page overall though Niel.
Love the concept. I was initially anti-Red Hulk, but they kind of won me round. And I'd much rather read about all those different coloured Hulks than a rainbow of Lanterns.
"The Strange Case of Dr. Banner and Mr. Hulk"PREMISE: Basically, a mash-up of Hulk with Jekyll and Hyde. I don't know if this has been done in comics before, but I wouldn't be surprised. In this scene, Banner has just awoken from an "episode" and been told he has a guest.1) Mr. Thaddeus Ross, solicitor, hands his coat to Banner's butler. Banner is nervously waiting for him in the background.ROSS: Thank you, Jones.2) Ross and Banner sit in big leather armchairs by the fireplace. Banner is nervous throughout this scene.BANNER: Um, good to see--ROSS: To business, Banner.ROSS: I'm sure you've heard of this monstrous fellow roaming the streets. Locals call him "Mr. Hulk."3) Close-up of Banner rubbing the back of his head.BANNER: Oh, um, I, ah... Yes, I believe I may have--4) Close-up of Ross. He is gravely serious.ROSS: My beloved daughter Elizabeth sustained an injury last night. She is bedridden with fright.5) Side view of both of them. Banner is concerned for Betty. Ross is the same as before, continuing...ROSS: Luckily, a trusted friend was on the scene. Emil Blonsky, an aide to the Tsar's ambassador.ROSS: He describes this Mr. Hulk fleeing the scene...6) Extreme close-up of Ross's eyes. They are burning a hole in us.ROSS: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Doctor?END OF PAGE.
Your title also wins points. I couldn't say if this mashup has been done, but I don't care if it has, because you do a bang up job here. The setup is strong and the development to that final panel is excellent.Also, I'm always a fan of main characters being super nervous, which you also pull off here with ease.
LOVE the concept. Far too obvious a re-imagining of Hulk now that I've seen someone else come up with the idea, and now that I've seen someone else do it, I wish I'd come up with the idea myself. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a classic, and I imagine there'd be a lot of potential for doing a full version of this.Great work. :-)
A nice re-imagining of the title given the character's literary roots, and one that involves existing characters and tweaking them slightly. The page creates a good sense of tension too through the dialogue and panel choices.
The dialogue in particular in the page is grand J.D, you capture the nerves broken speech style for Banner perfectly. Your overall premise and delivery are also top notch. Made me think of the Neil Gaiman book 1602 which I adore so thats always a good thing.
A lovely What If? / Elseworlds concept, well-executed through the way you reposition the characters into that world and your strong ear for its dialogue.
Thanks all! I've actually been thinking about how I'd go about a full version of this now, hehe.
HULK: in "The Tourists" (continued from BLACK WIDOW)All CAPTIONs are Black Widow's (still from her letter to Matt Murdock)Page 19Page layout is as follows:123455665667First CAPTION under the first 4 panels, edge to edge.Panel 1: Out in the Siberian tundra, surrounded by ice, snow swirling in the wind, stands the BLACK WIDOW, wrapped in furs (though we can see her trademark bracelets on her gloved wrists), looking into the sky with a pair of military field glasses.Panel 2: In the grey wintery sky, we see the silhouette of a military bomber, rear bay door open.Panel 3: Plane is farther away, but a man-shaped dot has jumped out the bay door of the plane.Panel 4: Plane is even smaller, not more than a cross. The man-shaped sillhouette is larger now, and a bit hulkish.CAPTION (for Panels 1-4): Some evil cannot be forgiven, Matt. Some evil can't be punished.Panel 5: Exterior shot, the Gulag where the children had been imprisoned. Something huge has crashed through the roof, as indicated by green speed lines. Concrete, ice, and snow explode up and out.SoundFX: b-DOOM!Panel 6: Foreground, all the adults that victimized the children, in varying states of dress or undress, and varying states of panic and fear. One man only in his boxers. Closest to us is the COLONEL, in his Russian military uniform, and the DUMA POLITICIAN in a brown suit, no tie, their faces contorted in terror, trying to get away. Behind them, obscured by concrete dust and snow, the silhouette of the HULK, primed to destroy.CAPTION: Sometimes, evil must be obliterated out of existence...HULK: Hrr-RRRR...Panel 7: Close-up on the lower half of HULK's face. His teeth are bared, ground together, lips pulled back. A tear, either from the stinging cold HALO jump, or emotion left over from Banner thinking of the kids, streaks one side of his face.CAPTION: ...and to kill monsters, I have sent a monster of our own. HULK: ...Bass-teRRRRDss...CAPTION: One from green hell.
I LOVE the imagery you're putting on offer in this one - especially that sixth panel. The choice of showing his shadow cast on top of the terrified men is so much more effective than showing the Hulk himself.I like the letter conceit, but the verb tenses get a little strange with the mix of past and perfect tenses (also, monster of 'our' own or 'my' own?).As well, I would almost have preferred a silent closing panel, but that might be more a question of personal style.The above being said, I'm still a big fan of what you've got here. Just a little bit of tinkering would put me over the moon.
GREAT mood. GREAT narration. i don't know what kind of Hulk I prefer, so I don't know how i feel about the dialog, but this is a perfect buildup to the unimagined horror of the following pages!
Perfect and yet unexpected follow on from your last page but a great treat to read. The visuals described in your page are awesome and powerfully strong. The location and use of shadow plus that multiple meaning tear made for one of my favorite pages in a long time.
Good continuation of last weeks page and whilst Russian espionage goodness beats massive green monsters every time (it does, honest) I still think this is a good page.
Cool visuals and I love the "green hell" line, though even in the scenario you describe I can't hear the Hulk saying "bastards": that's a little too Mark Millar for me.
“Hulk to Blame” by Michael MurrayPanel 1: A shop owner stands in front of his store which has been destroyed during an avengers fight. Product and store paraphernalia are strewn all over the sidewalk around the entrance.Shop Owner – OH COME ON!!! This is like the second time this year and its only April. How am I supposed to run a business when every month a new super villain uses the store as his own personal punching bag!Panel 2: The owner continues to rant and rave about the damage when a pedestrian strolls up and tries to interact with the stressed shop owner.Pedestrian – Damn man sorry about your shop, you have insurance right?Shop Owner – Of course I do but that’s not the point…the point is I am sick and tired of having these pumped up jerk-wads destroying my stuff! Pedestrian – Well I guess all you can do is keep collecting the insurance…what else can you do?Panel 3: The store owner has now turned and faces the pedestrian. The owner points his finger at the man to making his point. The pedestrian is now leaning back to avoid being so close to the shop owner. The Hulk has now walked into the panel. The men don’t notice him.Shop Owner – I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. If I ever find out who did this I’m going to give him a piece of my mind and by that I mean show my foot the inside of his ass..Pedestrian – how are you going to find out who did it? The guy could be miles or even dimensions away by now…Panel 4: The two men are still in the same positions as Panel 3 except they now fix their gazes onto the hulk.Hulk – Hulk Smash…Pedestrian – ha…what are the odds….Shop Owner – balls..
I like the idea, but I think the page is a little wordier than it needs to be. Cutting down on the shop owner's dialogue would make the whole thing a little crisper and help the joke at the end.
I have to agree with Grant. I enjoyed the premise and final panel gag, I would have just liked the dialogue a light slighter to get me there.
Gotta side with my colleagues on this one. The dialogue and panel descriptions could have done with another pass to tighten them up.
Yeah, the dialogue could be sharper but I like the idea and the way you've paced it on the page.
Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below-OR-If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.