Sunday, June 24, 2012

Jonah Hex - $56.29 - J.D. Coughlan

SET-UP: After a meagre bounty, Hex is sent to the bank to collect his reward; $56.29. But four armed robbers burst in. Two clear out the cash, two watch the crowd. Hex has suddenly appeared behind one.

Panel 1: Hex standing, blank-faced, behind one of the robbers, who is startled by Hex's sudden announcement.

HEX: Fifty-six dollars, twenty-nine cents.


Panel 2: Robber 1 aims his shotgun right in Hex's face. Hex is calm, Robber 1 is panicked.

ROBBER 1: You lookin' to get blown away, ya ugly sumbitch?

Panel 3: Close on Hex. Still perfectly calm, despite the shotgun barrel.

HEX: No. I'm lookin' for ma money.

HEX: Fifty-six dollars and twenty-nine cents.

HEX: For a bounty unrelated to this here circus show. I'll take it and I'll leave. After which, if anyone wants to hire me to bring in you criminal geniuses, then that's a different story. For now, you and me only got one problem.

Panel 4: Robber 1 looks over his shoulder at Robber 2 (also guarding the crowd) in the background. Hex is partly visible in the foreground, his back to us.

ROBBER 2: Charlie, what the hell's goin' on over there?

ROBBER 1: Dammit, Lou! No nam--!

Panel 5: Same placements as Panel 4, this time Hex is grabbing the shotgun in the middle, driving the butt into Robber 1's face, while simultaneously drawing his own pistol to shoot Robber 2 in the background.




Panel 6: Different vantage point. The remaining two robbers come out from the vault with bags of cash. Hex has the shotgun trained on them with his pistol pointed at Robber 1 (on the floor, not unconscious; out of frame if necessary).

HEX: Fifty-six dollars, twenty-nine cents.



  1. You are clearly well studied in the ways of Jonah Hex. I haven't encountered the wily bugger all that often in my reading, but this page reads juuust right. Perfect meld of the character and the genre. Makes for a pretty funny / impressive character piece, too. Well done, J.D.!

  2. Wow...damn fine page, sir. You started the week at a very high bar. Jonah is pitch-perfect on the money; you really captured his voice well. Nicely done, space cowboy.

  3. What the hell kind of SFX is ZKK? I thought Hex was shooting a laser gun but now wonder if the Robber had some sort of alien harmonica in his mouth. ;)

    That said, loved this page, man. Terse, action packed, and yet it felt like a page right in the flow of things. You didn't force too much in. Damn good example of what this site is for.

    1. The "Z" comes from the "S" at the end of "names."

      "KK" is the standard sound of a man having a shotgun butt shoved into his face, according to the Encyclopaedia of Comic Book Sound Effects, a book I just made up but really should exist.

      As for everything fitting on the page, I kinda wanted the last panel to be a full-page affair, or at least larger on the next page, but the rules of threes made me put one final "$56.29" in there.

  4. Good page that gets to the root of the character (at least from my somewhat limited experience of the man).

    Like Omar Little says

    "Man's gotta have a code."

  5. I have no idea what to write for this week and you have made it even harder by owning it from the go. Tight tense powerful page. It shows off everything great about this character from what I know.


Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.