(Beardy and Baldy are
fighting a large stone humanoid golem monster thingy of some type – I’ll just
call it a ‘Stone Man’ from here on out for simplicity.)
(6 Panels)
Panel 1: BEARDY strikes the back of the STONE MAN.
The head of his AX breaks off from the impact.
SFX: (Ax impacting
stone) thuk
SFX: (Ax breaking)
THACK!
Panel 2: BEARDY looks at his broken ax handle
SFX: Momentary Surprise
Panel 3: STONE MAN turns it’s ‘head’ around to look
at what just hit him.
SFX: Imminent Pain.
Panel 4: STONE MAN swings it’s arm and hits BEARDY. A
BEARDY-shaped blur moves backwards from where BEARDY was previously standing.
SFX: TH-WUNK!
Panel 5: BALDY crouches behind a rock for cover. He’s
doing something with a bunch of bullets and a pan, preparing to try to create a
primitive makeshift bomb out of the bullets gunpowder. A BEARDY-shaped blur
flies past the rock.
SFX: (BEARDY BLUR)
YEAAAAAAAAH!
Panel 6: BALDY picks his head up in reaction to
BEARDY flying by in the previous panel, but completely missing on what just
happened.
BALDY: ?
END PAGE
I like the idea, MK, but I feel like this page could use a little more dialogue. The joke's already pretty good, but I think some banter from Baldy and Shorty interspersed along the way would add a lot to the page. Just my two cents on the matter.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Grant here. The page has a great tone to it, but would have loved to have seen some banter here between the two. Perhaps Beardy yelling at Baldy to hurry up as he tries to distract Stone Man while Baldy makes the bomb?
ReplyDeleteThe humour and SFX go hand in hand here but the banter would have pushed it up to 11.
ReplyDelete