Saturday, June 2, 2012

Squared Circle Comics - Ray Wonsowski (the American Zombie) - ...this is so wrong...

Panel 1 - In the foreground we see our two regular announcers standing off to the side, looking more than a little put off.  The reason is because a new announcer is front and center.  He resembles Peter Sellars as Inspector Cluseau in the first Pink Panther movie, and he is completely manic with excitement.  Behind him, we see the Parisian skyline, the Eiffel Tower prominent.  In the upper corners we see the four grimacing faces of the combatants:  On the left, two shaved heads with awesome brown muttonchoppy beards, one wearing the top of a bear head on top of his skull, the other with a strawberry birthmark in the shape of the hammer and sickle above his eyebrow.  On the right, a dark-skinned face with a sombrero and an equally awesome handlebar mustache curled at the ends, and an orange and yellow flaming luchador mask.

FRENCH ANNOUNCER:  Bienvenue, ladies and gentlemen, live from gay Paree, to zee match of zee ages, zee tag-team to end all zee tag-teams...

FRENCH ANNOUNCER:  STEREOTYPE-O-MANIA!!!

Panel 2 - The French announcer is in the lower right-hand corner, screaming into the camera, one sweeping arm gesturing to the wrestlers.  We see the four wrestlers in their full regalia regarding him with expressions ranging from "you-gotta-be-kidding-me" disgust to "you-gotta-be-kidding-me" boredom.  Let the artist get as ridiculous with the costumes as he wants, based on the names, but they should stand left to right in the order they are announced, the luchador last.

FRENCH ANNOUNCER:  Zee insanity begins when Vladimir "zee Bear" Gulagsky and Boris "Nyet-Nyet" Borscht face off in zee ring against Santiago "Greasy" Zapato and Pedro "La Tortilla del Diablo" Garcia!!  Zoot-Allors!!!

Panel 3 - Foreground, La Tortilla del Diablo and Nyet-Nyet are happily/angrily tying the French announcer, who looks both pained and frazzled and is sporting a black eye, into a pretzel knot.  In the background we see the regular announcers, the Bear, and Greasy talking amongst themselves.  Greasy is clapping his hands and dancing in remembered glee.

ANNOUNCER 1:  So, we on for bridge later?

THE BEAR:  Can't.  Got tickets for "Faust" at the Orpheum.

GREASY:  Oooh!  That theatre has the BEST cappucinos...

FRENCH ANNOUNCER:  (weakly) I surrender...!

EL FIN

1 comment:

  1. There has to be at least ONE character in here Ben can steal, right? (political correctness be damned!)

    I laughed at that last line. Heh.

    ReplyDelete

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