Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Etrigan - Dirty Demon - Grant McLaughlin


1 - An outside shot of a convenience store.  Although it is daytime, you can see fire and light emerging from the windows and doors.

ETRIGAN: I have always loved to fight
All of Hell's many denizens.
Demons, devils, monsters, wights -
Not a question of "if", but "when".

2 - Interior shot.  Etrigan is looking upwards and posing dramatically, spitting hellfire from his mouth.  He looks the worse for wear: his clothes are ripped, little remains of his cape, and he is bloodied and bruised, as if coming from a difficult battle.  There are not many people left in the store, but any who are are rushing out at full speed.

ETRIGAN: While I relish shedding their blood,
It is not always roses and dells.
Their viscera, innards, and cruds
Can have a most loathsome smell.

3 - Despite his injuries, Etrigan calmly walks through the aisles.  Show that the store has also taken some damage: spilled products, small fires, destroyed sections, and the like.

ETRIGAN: Thus, it is more than just my hands
That will not easily come clean.
As if bound by iron bands,
Enslaved to those infernal machines.

4 - Etrigan walks toward the counter, pointing at the teenage cashier who is huddling on the floor behind the counter.

ETRIGAN: The quest falls to you, young porter,
To solve my dilemma and quandry.

5 - Switch angles to a worm's eye view type thing.  The cashier looks up in terror.  Etrigan stands at the counter, holding out a twenty dollar bill.

ETRIGAN: Would you have change in quarters,
So that I may do my laundry?

5 comments:

  1. I really liked the payoff at the end - reminded me of Alan Grant's run on the character, and would go well with Tom Grummett's facial expressions. Nice job, sir...

    ReplyDelete
  2. You stretched those rhymes to breaking point in places, Grant (it might just be my accent, but "laundry" and "quandry"?). On the other hand, I had a big grin on my face by the end of the page, so that's a WIN.

    ReplyDelete
  3. In my mind, it's pretty much a perfect rhyme (despite the fact that 'quandary' is supposed to take an 'a'), so we must have some rather different accents going on. I'm glad you liked it anyways though! :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Grant this page was really well played, you needed to play that opening as straight and serious as you did to pull of that 180 twist at the end. The pace off of that final panel was gold as well. Very nice work mate.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great use of the rhyming structure to get to the comedic pay off in the last panel.

    ReplyDelete

Feedback is what every good writer wants and needs, so please provide it in the white box below
-OR-
If you want to play along at home, feel free to put your scripts under the Why? post for the week.