Okay, we've got a lot of panels here, but it's not as bad as you think (hopefully). The first eight panels are all pretty small, laid out in two rows that take up maybe a third of the page (think pretty much any Avengers book by Brian Michael Bendis). The remaining four panels take up the last two thirds of the page, two panels per row, divided however you'd like.
1 - Tony Stark sits at a table and looks towards the reader.
TONY: It's your choice, Carol, but...
2 - Captain America looks over towards the reader from his training.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: I'll support you either way, but...
3 - Luke Cage holds his young daughter and looks towards the reader.
LUKE CAGE: Why would you want to do that?
4 - Nick Fury sits behind his nice big SHIELD desk, looking a tad confused.
NICK FURY: I'm not really sure why you came to me with this, but...
5 - Wanda Maximoff drinks a coffee and looks towards the reader.
WANDA: Are you sure that's what you want?
6 - Peter Parker hangs upside-down in Spider-Man outfit, looking towards the reader.
PETER (1): Really?
PETER (quietly) (2): Please don't vaporize me.
7 - Jessica Jones is holding her young daughter and looks towards the reader.
JESSICA: Normally I'd say Luke doesn't know what he's talking about, but...
8 - Natasha Romanoff is doing some target practice. She doesn't actually look back towards the reader.
NATASHA: What's wrong with what you have?
9 - Establishing shot. Outside a hairstylist's. The window simply says "Salon". Daytime.
MOLLY (from within building): Isn't that a little dramatic?
10 - Carol sits in a hairdresser chair. Her hair is still long. She's out of uniform and Molly Fitzgerald, the former Shamrock, stands behind her. Carol wears a sour expression. Molly dismisses it, looking pleased and excited. Have the shot from behind them, looking towards the mirror, so we see their faces only in their reflection.
CAROL: Don't tell me you also think it's a bad idea, Moll!
MOLLY: Oh, no. I think it'll look amazing. I just want to make sure you're ready for such a big change.
11 - Repeat shot - still seeing their faces in the mirror's reflection. Carol looks pensive. No dialogue.
12 - Switch angle. We're now looking directly at Carol. She wears a happy, confident expression. Molly walks off to get her supplies. She's smiling knowingly.
CAROL: Definitely.
I like the over all concept of the page, the new look is a rather big change and this little one pager plays with it in a fun way.
ReplyDeleteThe large amount of panels is fine, you keep things trim and tight and it would work fine. Kirkman's Antman run has more panels then this on every other page. haha.
My only really issue is with the dialogue, two panels repeat the same line making them seem unnecessary, and I feel spidey would have made some kind of gag? But thats just me.
Overall cool page and I like to see brave panel counts that really work.
Oops. That's embarrassing. Also what you get when you're writing at the last minute and note spending enough time editing. I definitely did not mean to reuse dialogue (although I suppose it points to me padding those panels a little). Slight change made, including a lame Spidey joke that I definitely stole from Captain Marvel #1, but it'll do.
ReplyDeleteMan those two tiny changes really lift the page. I dig the Spidey line, why not go with an established thing between the characters it just grounds the page in the current Captain Marvel universe and works great with your set up. Nice tweaks.
DeleteTwo things grab me about this page: how you handle those first eight panels, and how spot on you nail the salon scene. The whole shebang just feels like real "unscripted" moments. Extremely natural flow, and I could see it as a first page very easily.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't here before the tweaks but the page does flow quite nicely.
ReplyDeleteI noticed the repetition in dialogue here too. One of the first two panels could be cut completely really.
Other than that this was a solid page.