Like Ben, I'm not sure I have much to add to Ozymandias. I hope you'll accept this instead.
1 - A nondescript family room. POV is from behind the television, looking at the room itself. A woman, Sally, sits at her couch, watching the TV. Behind her, there is a door looking into the kitchen, where her husband, Daryl, is looking for food in the fridge. Sally is positioned so that the television hides her from the bust down.
TELEVISION: ...we bring you Ozymandias himself, Adrian Vedit, at the New York Astrdome.
DARYL: Are they playing that thing again?
2 - Same angle. Daryl has come into the family room with some food. Standing behind Sally and looking down, he smiles teasingly. Sally looks up and smiles back.
DARYL: Didn't you watch this just a few days ago?
SALLY: I can't help myself, Daryl. He's just achieved so much.
3 - Same angle. Daryl is now sitting next to Sally. She wears a look of excitement. Daryl wears a smile tinged with humouring - he's heard this spiel before.
SALLY: He's a humanitarian and philanthropist. He's caring, conscientious, and compassionate. He's even a practicing vegetarian--.
DARYL (interrupting): I know, Sally. I've heard you go on about "The World's Smartest Man" a time or two.
4 - Sally puts her hand to her face, laughing at herself in slight embarrassment at her babbling. Daryl doesn't really mind - it's more loving teasing.
SALLY: Sorry, you know how I can get sometimes.
DARYL: It's okay.
5 - Switch angle to reveal that Sally is quite pregnant. Her due date can't be far off. Sally caresses her belly, smiling inwardly to herself in hope.
SALLY: I really hope that our Adrian will be just as accomplished.
6 - Move the camera out slightly. Sally and Daryl kiss. No dialogue.
7 - Continue pulling the camera back. We're looking at the couple from just on the other side of their apartment window. Daryl holds Sally with one arm, lovingly places a hand on her pregnant belly.
DARYL: I'm sure he will honey.
8 - Pull the camera way back. The apartment window belonging to Sally and Daryl is still obvious, but the focus is on what's around their apartment. We're in downtown New York. Feel free to have whichever landmark you feel would be appropriate in the background, whether it's the Empire State Building, Madison Square Garden, or whatever.
DARYL: I'm sure he will.
CAPTION: 11:25pm. November 2nd, 1985.
9 - Black panel with white writing on top. The writing reads:
Our fathers possessed nothing but false gods,
worthless idols that did them no good.
- Jeremiah 16:19
There's a great atmosphere of foreboding being built up here that peaks with that last panel.ReplyDelete
I also got a 'Boys From Brazil' vibe from this page, but that might just be me reading into things a little too closely.
Staggering page Grant. The sense of build up and as Dan said foreboding is palpable. Leaving us, as the reader looking in on your lovable couple makes the ending truly heart breaking.ReplyDelete
In one page you have made me care about two new characters, built up a great pace and ended with a thought provoking look at the acts of the weeks character pick.
Must admit, I was wondering where you were going with this one. Then panel 8 hit me like a sack of bricks. You made me genuinely care about this couple and then took them away from me all in one page. Kudos.ReplyDelete
Cheezus, Grant, just...wow...
Aw shucks. You guys are going to make me blush. Thanks for the kind words.ReplyDelete
@Dan - Haha. I still only know about that film from Ray's Dr. Dinosaur script, so any vibes are purely coincidental. :P